My parents seem to think all I need to do is forgive and forget.
How can you forget when the person you loved treated and still treats you badly?
How can my parents think that being with a man who abused me so much is the right thing to do?
I know divorcing him is the right thing to do.
I won't post my "story" because it's so much of the same as everyones
He abused me. He cheated. He betrayed me.
I know I shouldn't care but they are my parents and now they don't talk to me. They talk to him.
They make plans to see him with my children.
Any advice?

Aly

Aly this is tough. You seem to feel like you have been isolated from your family. I would love to give you a shoulder to cry on, honey this is so painful.

Would counseling help, or talking to a church member or leader? You need to talk to someone to get this off your shoulders and out into the open.

How would it be if you were to find counseling, and then maybe the counselor could include your parents in a session. So the pain could come out in the open, and things could get aired.

Honey, this is difficult, and I am praying for you.

Aly, you have mail.

Faith4me,
Thanks for your prayers.
I keep praying for God to take control of my situation. I know He is.
I'm just ready to move on with my life and put all of this pain in my past.
I also know,in time, the family members, and friends who deserted me, in my hour of need, will see him for who he really is.

K,
You have email.

Aly

I've certainly found that the people we expect to be most supportive, can't be, and others pop up to help more.
Also, we tend to keep the worst things from our closest family so you probably didn't let them know about the abuse (perhaps because you didn't understand it) so now they question your truths.

There are others who will support you. As time goes on, they may see your H's actions for what they are.
Good luck.

Newly,
What you said is true. I didn't tell them at the time of the abuse and now they act like they don't believe me.
My STBXJH is also a narcissist.
He thinks he's a "great guy."
I told him if he was so great why would I be divorcing him?
Thanks for your support.
I know you understand.

Aly

The mindset of your parents probably feels like yet another betrayal doesn't it?

Like Newly said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> people we expect to be most supportive, can't be, and others pop up to help more </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He thinks he's a "great guy." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep, they (a narcissist) all do! A new form of parental alienation......adult style! (shaking head)

This could take some time with your folks, they WILL eventually catch on. In the meantime get support for yourself and your children through other means and don't put a lot of value in what your parents don't understand or didn't witness, your stbx will show his colors eventually!

Gayle

P.S. "Aly".....the first three letters of my daughter's name!

I have tried to show my mother the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" and while she thumbed through it, she never really looked at the examples.
I know I was guilty of Angry Outbursts in my M, which my IC helped me to understand was the result of the EA. For now, maintain your relationship with your parents, but know that it is at a different level than you would like. Many times, they can't acknowledge the issues, or they would have to acknowledge issues in themselves which they are not ready to deal with.

My support group and friends have been instrumental in helping me understand all of this.

Aly, your parents probably grew up in a generation where they believe one must stay in a marriage through thick or thin. I know because my mother is that way. She was abused by my late father and still stayed in the marriage.When I filed for divorce from an abusive husband, I was isolated too. I was blamed for the divorce and they believed the lies that my narcissitic ex told them. My advice to you is to listen to yourself despite the lack of support from your loved ones. A year from now, things will eventually calm down, your parents cannot forever isolate you for this choice that you made. I'm going through my second divorce now( from an alcoholic husband). My family still don't give me any moral support, but then again, they already know from experience that I will do whatever I think is best for me and not what they think is best. Hang in there Aly!!
Shooting Star

Aly-

I am sorry to see you here and more sorry about the reaction you are getting from your family. After my experiences with my own family, I'm not surprised when I read stories like yours.

Here's what happened to me. I avoided telling my parents about problems with my M. I didn't tell anyone in my family or my STBX's family when I found out about OM1 and consequently OM2 and OM3. Everyone thought we had a decent enough marriage. We never complained to our families. Then, about 5 months after I filed, I told my parents what was going on. I honestly think they didn't believe me. My mother asked, "So, HoFS, do you have a honey on the side?" I was devestated. Then a couple of weeks ago my mother said, "You've told us a lot of things and I really don't know what to believe. I guess I won't know if you are telling the truth until I learn what the court decides as to whether or not you are telling us the truth." Again, never an offer of support. My father pretty much just kept quiet. Oh, he did express some concern over a few acres of land that he had deeded to my STBX and I but that was about it. I also figured my in-laws would be more supportive. Nope. My FIL out-right told me he would support his daughter. My MIL has barely spoken 10 words to me in the last 6 months and she has never offered any sympathy or support beyond saying she wishes my STBX and I could agree on child custody issues and get over our past differences.

Like others have recommended Aly, sometimes, you learn who your friends are when times get tough. Yes, they are your family and you love them but you can't necessarily depend on them to provide the support structure you need now. You do need friends and you need to look beyond your family. Don't keep all of your feelings bottled up. They will eat you alive. There are others out there that will support you. Good luck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

HoFS

Thanks so much for all the kind words.
This is why I love this site.
I know who I can rely on.

I am in counseling and have been for the last 3 years.
I also have a few close friends that understand because they, themselves, have gone through this.

I have a wonderful church and my pastor knows my situation very well. He even knows my JH.

I know divorcing my JH is the right thing to do.
He has finally gone back to his doc and had some break throughs already. Of coarse I am still moving forward with my life alone. I will not wait for him anymore.

Thanks again everyone.

your friend,
Aly
(Alexandria)

My father wrote to me yesterday.
I told him how I felt.
I feel so all alone.
When am I going to stop remembering all the pain JH caused?
It's all trickling back from deep in my mind.
I'm trying to remember the good times.
Friends have been great to me.
Mornings used to be my favorite time of day and now when I wake up I'm so confused.
It's getting harder to fight. I pray and pray for strength. Please keep praying for me.
Thanks,

Aly

(((Aly)))

That's interesting. When I was married, morning were my favorite times. I would get up an hour before everyone and watch them sleep, drink some java, and think about absolutely nothing. Then BOOM, I'm divorced and when I get up I have to think of something and all of a sudden morning weren't so good anymore. Heck I started staying up late, watching the girls sleep, and then crashing in hopes that I could just wake up on time.

As time went by, it passed. I now get up early again and enjoy the mornings. I'm greated with the scent of Columbia, the chirping of a meadowlark, the dew on the grass, and I watch my babies sleep. Once again I can think about nothing if I want too.

This too shall pass....

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers