My wh left two weeks ago. I am so lonely. I have never been alone and it is a scary thing. I went from my fathers house to my husbands house at 17 and had my lst child at 18 and then two more after that. How do you learn how to be alone. I thought it would get easier but it just seems to be getting harder. Is that normal?

TTHO

I went from being with my EX from the time she was 17 till she was 31. She started living with me at 19. I lived in a house with her and 2 children, and in one day....ONE day I was never in the same house with them again. Imagine how hard THAT was. Let me tell ya...I had a ton of sleepless nights until I finally was able to stand on my own two feet. I was truly committed to that marriage also. It does get better TTHO, but it will take time. I occupied myself doing all kinds of things......mainly working out at the gym. That helped my self esteem alot and allowed me to get in purty dayum good shape. Hang in there....things do get better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

ITSOVER,
Thanks for the reply. I am sorry for your situation. It must have been really hard to leave - especially your children.
My wh and I had our 25th anniversary last August. It was definately not a celebration since we were in the midst of his e/a - it was so hard. I'm 43 and have never lived alone or actually been alone. I hope it does get better. I was handling it better the lst week than I am now - maybe the shock has worn off. Thanks again for your reply.
TTHO

I see my kids often TTHO and Im actually engaged at this time. Not sure of an actual marriage date, but she is the one. Anyhow, yeah at first you are in shock about being apart and after a week or two reality sets in. You no longer know what is going to happen, if your WS is going to return, or as mine did......gave completely up.

Kim
I know this is rough, and you're suffering withdrawals. To be honest, I think you're going to have to just walk through it a little while. Obviously there are things you can do to keep busy, but part of the withdrawal process is to work on yourself, too. Look for things that might interest you and at the same time, would expand your personal horizons, build your self-esteem, and keep you busy. Taking a class somewhere (any college has non-credit courses for general community), go to the gym, re-initiate old friendships, offer to babysit your friends who have young kids, etc... The thing I miss is going to dinner with someone! By the way, I tried to email you 2 wks ago, but I think your email addy changed. Don't get down in the dumps for too long, and vent here when you need to.

<small>[ May 28, 2003, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi Avondale,
I just e-mailed you - thanks for the address again. I go back to ic today - my counselor's h passed away a little bit ago so she was off for awhile - I know that will help.
I just didn't realize how lonely I was going to be - I have a hard time not picking up the phone to call him but am trying to be strong about that.
TTHO

Do you have girlfriends? I LOVE being alone. I love to come home, take a bath, walk around naked (when the kids aren't home). Watch t.v., read a magazine, chat on the phone with a girlfriend. I eat when/where I want to eat. Clean the house. Gardening. walking/bike-riding. Church activities. The days are just full.

It was definately something I had to learn though, it didn't come naturally. You need to experiment different hobbies in life until you find something you enjoy.

I also have 2 dogs.

Do you have a pet?

ILuvNProtectme,
I have a girlfriend I walk with - she is married has younger kids - is busy - I have a big family and a number of sisters - again married - I do bug them once in a while but feel like such a 5th wheel - no they don't make me feel that way but that's the way I feel. I do read - love too as a matter of fact but it's hard for me to read love stories right now so am being a little more choosy about what I read. I have been riding bike again - got a new one for mothers day - but again the energy just isn't there right now. I know it will get better - it's just really hard right now - no dog - mine died a few years ago but am seriously thinking about getting one. I had a yellow lab and would love another.
Thanks for the reply
ttho

It sounds like you are trying T.T.H.O.

It just takes time and practice. Hang in there. I know it is tough. Sometimes you just gotta break down and cry - maybe thats where you are today. Be true to yourself, if this is your season to cry and grieve then allow yourself that time. Just know in your heart of hearts that it WILL get better.

ILuvNProtectMe,
You're right this is the toughest thing I've ever done. It's hard when the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with decides they would rather spend it with someone else. A little vent there. I am trying - I had a good crying jag going yesterday - really sobbed and am feeling kind of empty today. Scared too. But again I know I will get through this - thanks for the support
TTHO