Okay, so how to approach the subject of your children's loving grandparents (that hate you) giving them tons of sugar right before you pick them up at bedtime ...

and I don't mean *A* candy or *A* dessert, but dessert plus candies plus pop plus this plus that ... and a handful of candy and a mouthful of bubblegum for the ride home to boot ...

Their normal bedtime is 8:00 pm (they are 5 and 8) on school nights, but I cannot pick them up until 8:00 on Wednesdays so it is 8:30 by the time we get home and they are still wired from the sugar ... eyes wide open at 9:00, 9:30 ...

Just wanted to vent. There really IS no answer.

Buttercup - there is a system with working with caretakers of your kids. Yes, they are your grandparents, and yes, they love the kids. One I would state, nicely, that I don't give the kids anything sweet after 6pm or whatever time. State, sugar that late at night, in the mouth causes decay of teeth. Could show them statistics from the dentist office. You could state, that giving them fruit, or 2 crackers, or popcorn would be better. And that after your set time, please don't give them anything to eat. There could also be the statement that it helps with bedtime, by not having them to get up to go potty.

Just express that you love them, love the kids, love the relationship that they have with their grandparents. Just wishing that healthy eating habits could be instilled for the kids health and their future.

This is hard hon, and you need to set standards now. Also, you could state that when the kids are with them during the day, maybe a treat or 2 is okay.

Talk about nutrition, and healthy eating. Setting a good example when the kids are young, makes a body stronger and eating healthy better for them as they grow.

My mom was EXACTLY like this with my kids when they were younger. I would talk to her until I was blue in the face and she'd smile at me while putting wrapped candies in the kids' pockets as we were heading out the door.

Finally, I had to tell a *lie*. I told her that the kids had their annual checkups and that their blood sugar levels were way too high and that if I didn't decrease the sugar intake it would result in diabetes. I also took alternative *snacks* to grandmas. It worked for me...

My mother laughed at me when I went into the values of good eating etc.... "like I didn't feed YOU right". She told me that I insulted her by telling her what was *good* food vs. *bad* food. "A little sweet won't hurt him/her".

*sigh*...good luck!

dear ex-princess- i had this problem-until i called and told them at the last minute i had to work late and the kids had to stay there and sleep over!! from then on they got a taste of their own medicine! they also never knew if it would happen again so they were scared!!

good luck

Nikko,
Gotta love your solution! My parents usually have my girls for a month every summer so they are pretty good about making sure the kids aren't wound up on sugar. Exes' parents... well, to put it mildly, we didn't see them enough to have it ever matter.

lori

Okay, somehow I didn't make it clear that they HATE me. =O

This is already an ongoing battle. This is the same family who threatened to take me to court over giving the kids Pop-Tarts and Lunchables. The same woman who gave my son a type of candy that she knew made him throw up, just before I picked him up. The same people that didn't get my daughter medical care for a week (boy do I detest leaving them there), but screams that I didn't keep them on anti-biotics long enough.

It's just a vent ... share your own. I know there is nothing I can do. Lonely people and their pathetic attempts to drive me nuts.

Hugs.

First are they YOUR parents or your X's. My x's parents, I refer to as the OUTLAWS.

They are chronic enablers and always trying to keep everybody happy (except me who's excommunicated) and somewhat controlled by them. IT's weird. Jethro's a control freak and they are too.

Limit the kids time with them. Document everything with the wierdos. Seems like the kind who believe that nobody on earth is as good a parent as they were.

Goodness, they are HIS parents; my own parents don't hate me!! LOL

As far as limiting time with them, since my ex moved in "temporarily" with them in December of 2000, I can't limit it when it's his parenting time. Every other weekend and one evening a week (O happy Wednesday) and of course, every other week in the quickly approaching summer. Joy.

I just had to jumpe in here, I usually post OW/OC Board. Why do The grandparents get the children anyway? I thought that states didn't recognise "grandparents rights" to grandchildren, so therefore if they get them it is because you are a very generous person given the current state of affairs between you all.
If the visitation is not court mandated, then I think I'd tell the G-parents that the children don't get high sugar items after whatever time, then if they don't listen keep the children the next week. when they ask why they didn't get the children tell them they didn't follow the rules the children live by, If the grand parents cannot meet your rules, they don't get them. End of story.
I did like the story about the grandparents getting to keep the kids overnight after THEY gave the children all the extra sugar. Served them right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Again, if visitation is not court mandated you're in the driver's seat. Don't give up your control of the situation.

Texasgirl

Hey there PB,

I never try to reason with my ex's side of the family. Instead I take the approach with the kids that away or home I have rules and they still have to abide by these. So for an example, if they are good and only eat let's say, three pieces of candy each, and after they come home from ex's place if they are not acting like "wild indians" then that next weekend we can go to the movies. If they don't do this and over-indulge then no movies.

I don't know how old your children are so of course it doesn't work on toddlers.

c'ya,
ANNA

<small>[ May 31, 2003, 08:32 AM: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Instead I take the approach with the kids that away or home I have rules and they still have to abide by these. So for an example, if they are good and only eat let's say, three pieces of candy each, and after they come home from ex's place if they are not acting like "wild indians" then that next weekend we can go to the movies. If they don't do this and over-indulge then no movies.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I get your concept. I don't like to "pay them to be good" but I do reward them for doing the right thing.

This is an example of what a mean mom I am. One night I ask for help carrying in groceries. The boy didn't want to be bothered, and the girl cheerfully said she'd help. So after the groceries were in I told her I'd give her a quarter for volunteering to help. The boy had to carry stuff in anyway, and didn't get paid. I just hope it makes them think the next time I ask for help.

They are 5 and 8 so I don't know how well they'd be able to turn down treats *now* in exchange for reward *later* ... they get VERY few sweets at home. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't overdo it, and at bedtime. I can see if it does ANY good to ask nicely that they don't have *anything* to eat or drink after 7:00 which is when they have to stop eating and drinking at home. We do that because they are both still in pull-ups at night.