I haven't posted in a long time... Is it normal to go from dating 3 years, to married 3 years, to discovering infidelity (11.04.02), to trying to survive infidelity via Plan A & marriage counseling & Plan B, to finally giving up cause you catch WW with OM once again (2.11.03), to filing for divorce, to.... having essentially no contact with my stbxw (other than a few divorce/mediation related emails) because she continues to be with her OM?

Shortly after 2.11.03, she'd call crying and saying she missed me... and when I asked what was up w/ her and OM, she "didn't want to talk about it." Shocker. So I told her to call him when she was sad. That was that. My former best friend and wife is completely out of my life and has been so since about the end of Feb. It's like she's dead, and I feel like I've completely moved on.

Is that right? Is this going to hit me in the face some day down the road? Is this unhealthy? I really don't think I need to go to therapy to talk about this yet.

By the way... stbxw is still w/ OM, still burying herself in triathlon. She's dropped off the face of the earth, according to her friends.

Thanks in advance for insights.

What you are experiencing is perfectly normal.....wondering and wanting to know the "what ifs". That is because you had a long history with your EX. Nothing is wrong with you at all. Even though I no longer love my EX and there is noway in hell I could be with her again. I still find myself thinking about some of the times we had together and sometimes I still have dreams with her in it. That is just normal. You might want to talk to a friend or immerce yourself in other activeties.......things WILL get better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for responding I.O. The weird thing is that I am doing fine, living well. Occassionally I am shocked by the fact that my wife is no longer part of my life at all. That trips me out... but its the choice I've made. I've moved on.

My question is, IS IT OKAY to not be friends & not communicate at all with a former spouse? What does that say about me?

What kind of relationship do other non-parent, betrayed divorcees have with their wayward ex's?

My best friend had no children with his EX wife of 4yrs. She moved back home across the US and he has not spoken or seen her in about 6yrs. He is remarried and is extremely happy! He will also be a daddy in July. So, no contact with the EX happens all the time....you really have nothing to be in contact with her for...do you??? I would move on as you are doing....there are GILLIONS of females out there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Have a good weekend!

Same thing happened to me that ItsOver's best friend - my ex wife lives in Alaska - haven't spoken to her since August '98 - I moved to Texas, met a really sweet nice Christian woman and am now remarried - we just celebrated our 3rd Anniversary! Life couldn't be better. As for the ex in Alaska: from what I've been able to gather from my Family and my oldest son who just began speaking to me last November - she's still one screwed-up person.
Whatever, actions generate re-actions - as in her case, perfectly true.
Life (and Love) goes on...
Harold
PS - Don't give up, love WILL find you!

You are lucky actually Iyam....I have kids with my EX and I have to look at her PieHole every weekend. I do have a beautiful fiance though, so its not ALL bad....ahahahahaha. TheNoteBookDude......where are ya in Texas? Im in SayTown! SPURS baby!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm definitely lucky to not have kids.

It'll be a loooong time before I consider a walk down that aisle again though.

Having fun in the meantime.
Peace.

<small>[ September 10, 2003, 12:39 PM: Message edited by: I yam what I yam ]</small>

I love my boys with all my heart and soul. If it weren't for their good, I would have spoken to my ex for the last time July 24, 2002. The day I found out about her 4th affair. I would be in San Francisco doing the job I love along with my children.

As it is, I have to continue dealing with her. And it doesn't seem to get any better, only longer in between her narcissistic sessions.

I envy you the fact that you have the opportunity to never speak to her again. If my children's good didn't require that we communicate, I would not waste my time even trying to talk to her. It is like talking to a two way mirror. I can see what is going on, all she can see is herself. The problem is, the boys happen to be standing on my side and see the things she does. They have begun asking questions about why certain things happen with her. I try to fend them off, because I try to prop her up, even though in my heart I know that I am stretching the truth in her favor, trying to negate some of her actions, because I want my boys to at least feel as though she cares. "Why does mom always go out of town when I have soccer games?" "Why does mom let us watch as much TV as we want, but you don't?"...

I envy you... that is enough. One day my boys will be able to confront her if they choose. I don't want to be anywhere around for that day. It will tear me apart.