I was away for the Memorial weekend, went to Chicago with my sister and stayed with her daughter (my niece) we had a wonderful time. Got my mind off all the sh*t around here.

I left my s of 19 years by himself, I felt he was responsible and plus he needed to take care of the family dog. Told him all the dos and don'ts and had friends and family to check up on him. I never told stbxh that I was going away, I felt it wasn't his business. I told s if he asked don't lie he could tell him.

Well, We left on Friday morning and we were not returning until Tuesday late evening. Stbxh came by house on Sunday and asked where I was and s told him. He had a fit and called me and asked why I never told him I was leaving town. I said I thought I did and it was no big secret for I did mention it to one of his sisters and his sister-in-law.

I then found out he stayed at the house for the next 2 days and slept in my (our) bed. He did all his laundry and made himself at home. Our s was uncomfortable but was not home much any way.

Stbxh made it sound like how could I leave s by himself without supervison. I had it all under control and I trust my s, he has never gave me any reason not to trust him. Besides after everything we have been through s would not doing anything to upset me.

But knowing stbxh was in the house and sleeping there just upset me. I never said anything to him or s but when I got home I had a meltdown and just cried. My dog was the only one that I could hug! I miss the contact of another person, I miss being loved, I miss someone caring for me. I miss the whole package. This just S**cks!!

I want the pain to go away. I want the hurt to go away. Stbxh said he wants to be friends, I can't be friends with him right know maybe some day but I not now. I haven't seen him in 2 months I don't know how I will feel when I do. Part of me wants to run in his arms and the other part wants to kick him were it hurts.

We have our s graduation coming in 1 week and just the idea that I have to see him makes me cry. I was in love with this man and gave my heart and soul to him and he messed up bad. I have my s party the end of this month and I don't want stbxh there it will be to emotional for me and the family (mine). He said he will help set up but I don't even want him near me. What do I do?

Everyone said this is for our s and I have to take the high road but I know my emotion are to raw. I can't deal with all of this, I'm thinking of not even having the party. I hate my life and I cry as I type this. I need time to go by a little faster.

I know this is long but just needed to get things of my chest.

LJ

{{{{{{LJ}}}}}}}}

Do not apologize for your feelings! Your STBXH is still doing things to try to hurt you, which is not what we would do to someone with whom we say we want to be friends. People who tell you to "take the high road" have probably never been through what you're going through right now. You are still acutely feeling pain of the loss of love and betrayal.

How does your S feel? Does he want your STBXH at his party? If being around your STBXH is so uncomfortable for you and your family, it would probably be uncomfortable for your S as well. So maybe your STBXH can have a separate celebration with your S.

LJ, how you're feeling right now is normal, very normal. It is an incredibly difficult thing to deal with. I'm so sorry you're feeling the brunt of such pain right now. It is so hard to deal with things that involve both of you, like your son's graduation and party. I tend to agree with LetsTry, and suggest that you have this party with only you and your guests in attendance and let him do his thing separately. He'll probably blast you for it, but you have to do what is best for you right now. You're not trying to hurt him by doing this, you're just not emotionally ready to do the mutual party thing yet.

I hope it helps to know that other people can relate to the pain and frustration you're going through right now. Take care.

Know how you feel!! Married 23 yrs. seperated 8 months. Had senior grad. for daughter, 6th gr. grad. for son. He sat with OW at 6th gr. grad. I was so mad and embarresed!! I am glad school is out so I won't have to look at him!! He has been out of town this week and I have felt so good not having to see him in town. We live in a small town and everybody knows everything. I get tired of people asking me things about him. I am thinking of moving to a town about 30 miles away so I won't have to deal with it on a day to day basis. The OW has 3 kids, but he has never taken our son around them. My two oldest, 24 & 17 will never have anything to do with it. He don't pay any child support or financial support. He does this to punish me. He makes me sick!!

Thank you all for your kind words they mean more than you know.

Stbxh called and said he wants to come to party I told him "no" I suggested what was posted here about him have one for his family and I'll have one for mine. He said that this is for our s and I should not let what happened to us interfere. Easy for him to say he wasn't the one betrayed or lied to for 3 years.

All my life I have done the right thing whether it was good for me or not. "Make everyone happy" no more what do I care what his family thinks. I have been in this family for 27 years and I have only heard from one sister and one sister-in-law and there is 7 of them.

He told me his brother doesn't call me because I'm too negative. WHAT! He called me 1 week after d-day what did he expect. Apples doesn't fall to far from the tree I guess. So they show up to my s party and I have to be nice to them. UGH!

I hate them all (not really) but I feel really hurt by their non-response. Blood is thicher than water. When I mention this to stbxh he says "I don't hear from your family" DAH, you had an A that produce oc and you kept it a secret for 3 years why would they want to talk to you. I on the other hand is as innocent as the oc. I did nothing wrong. IDIOT!! He just doesn't get it.

I am going to talk to s tonight and see what he says. He will feed off my emotions and do what ever I want which is so sad. Poor kid he is on the front line with me. He still has a relationship with his father but no respect. He gets the shaft in this deal other s we had a grand party. Not my fault.

LJ

LJ, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He will feed off my emotions and do what ever I want which is so sad. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe you could just tell him that you've decided that in order to take care of yourself, you do not want to be at a party with his dad or your STBX-in-laws. This will relieve him of the need to make that decision himself in order to rescue you. Then ask him what kind of party he wants, what he'd like to do, what he wants to eat, etc. Let him make the fun decisions, but you make the heavy emotional decisions yourself.