I have only posted on MB a few times, but want all of you know how much MB and all of you have meant to me. I don’t know if I could have made it this long if not for all of you.
Right before Christmas last year my husband informed me that he no longer loved me and wanted a divorce. If only I had known about this site then, but I didn’t and did all of the things that I shouldn’t have done like cried, begged and pleaded. All to no avail. It only served to make him angry and say really unnecessary and nasty things to me.
I never knew he was unhappy, as a matter of fact this past summer I tried to talk to him and tell him I felt things were different between us, for me they were anyway. He would tell me nothing was wrong, that we just had a lot of outside stress in our lives (and we did) and that he loved me as much as always. I tried to talk to him several times and he always said the same thing.
I suspected that there might be someone else but he denied it, surprise huh? Anyway 2 days before Christmas I found the proof. Not only did I find evidence that he had been writing to another woman and was making plans to be with her but then I discovered he had dumped her and he was now making plans to go back to his ex-wife.
The woman who broke his heart, tore his self-esteem to pieces, cheated on him, ruined his credit and just basically abused him their entire marriage. He still won’t admit to anything but writing to her, says they never had sex and that he in fact has not cheated on me. I say he did whether they had sex or not.
I don’t know if it was the right thing to do but I forwarded the emails I found to her husband and I called her and told her that if she didn’t end it with him that I would send the evidence I had about her past to her present boss. (I had the newspaper articles from where she had been charged and indicted with embezzlement before she moved and she knew she would lose her job if I sent it) Well needless to say she dumped him cold and is still with her present husband.
I really didn’t think doing that would change his mind but I knew how badly she has hurt him in the past and I just couldn’t let her do it again. I refused to leave the house (which is his) and only in March did I realize that staying there was killing me. He never initiated any contact with me after he left 2 days before Christmas. You see I moved away from all my family and friends when I married him. I decided to move back home and I’m not sorry I did. I still have not begun to heal from the pain but at least I feel some peace and comfort being home again. I found a really nice house to rent and a wonderful job.
After he left I also sent the emails I had found to his mother, because she called me and told me that it was all my fault, that I had put my children before my husband (I didn’t) and that I had some nerve to even suggest he was cheating on me. I don’t know if he is involved with anyone else right now, he says he isn’t (but then I have heard that before).
The few times we have talked since then his words and actions are cold and very angry towards me, even though it is him who had the affairs and lied to me from the beginning. I have told him many times that while I do accept my part in the breakdown of our marriage I was not the one who strayed and it has been me throughout this whole ordeal that has been willing to do whatever it took to try and save our marriage. He just repeatedly tells me he doesn't love me anymore and that he has no desire to try and work things out.
I want to let him go but my heart just can't. He wants a divorce ASAP but here in MS if you don't have grounds (which he doesn't) you can only be granted a divorce if you both agree to one on irreconcilable differences. I have told him that I will not sign the papers as I did not want a divorce in December and I still don’t want one. I have not contacted him in 3 weeks and he has made no effort to contact me either. I guess you could say I am in a modified Plan B.
My thinking is that since he believes I am going on with life (which I basically am on the outside at least) that no contact from me will either help him to come out of the “fog” or it will allow me to get used to him not being a part of my life and I will finally be able to let him go. It hasn’t worked so far but I continue to hope and pray for one or the other to happen.
There is of course a lot more to our story but I think you have the basic idea of what happened. I can’t talk to my parents or friends because they all think he is a jerk and that I am better off without him. Maybe that is true, but I still love him and it still hurts just as much today as it did 6 months ago.
Please if any of you have any advice I welcome it with open arms. And even if you don’t please keep me in your prayers, as I have never felt so hurt and alone before. Thank you to those who took the time to read my story, it helped a little just telling it.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Susan
