Hi I've posted here before but under the Infidelity- General Questions Forum. He's my situation:
My H of 4 years (11 years together)is having an affair and still continuing the relationship with the OW. He left me 6 months ago when I was 6 months pregnant and hasn't been back since. He says he doesn't know what he wants. He has said that he doesn't want a divorce. And there are times when he says we should divorce but, he does nothing about it.

I'm at the point where I'm tired of the whole situation. I've tried everything to try to get him back but he's just not willing and I'm not willing to wait anymore. It hurts too much and I'm tired. I never want to get a divorce but right now I feel like I'm just waiting around for him to come back when he may never come back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> And I feel like he's in control of the whole situation. This is my way of letting him know that in control of my life, not him and I'm not standing for this anymore. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I'm done and I want out.

Here's my question: I've filed for divorce, and as soon as I sign the papers, he will be served. Do I tell him that I filed for divorce or just let him be surprised <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ? Anyones thoughts on this? Can anyone tell me about their experiences?

I would NOT say a thing. Just send it. He left you at 6mo. pregnant???. What is wrong with people I swear! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I have been seperated 8 months with no kind of support. x likes it this way. But I am going to file for divorce this week. He will be shocked!! I will let you know how it turns out.

godhelpme.....yep he will be suprised when he finds out how much back child support he is gonna have to fork out <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Come on people want to hear more advice or experiences!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well, I was disappointed when I talked to my lawyer. I am in Arkansas, you just get child support from the day you file your petition. I did not know this or I would have done it a long time ago. I thought it was from day of seperation. So you need to find out these things asap. I have been telling him I was going to file for all the back pay, so he will be pleasantly surprised to know he will not have to.
I have been paying all the bills, including mortgage. I have sold the house, so we are going to file for me to have all the proceeds, since he has not given me $l for any bills, or child support. my lawyer thinks I will get it. Also, I found out that the judge will not divide any property if you just file for seperation. I had thought about this, but now I know I have to file for divorce. He has signed an agreement to sell some dirt off some land we own. He was going to have the checks made out to "OR" and sent to his address!! I would have never known. It is worth $90,000!!! I have to file for divorce to stop this from happening. I am not going to tell him!!

Can anyone else share their opinions or experiences? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

((((EVEGA))))

I feel for you frustration. Not knowing more of your background and contact with STBX it's kinda hard to answer.

I know in my state there are three ways to serve.

The Petitioner can serve : I think this is best in a ambicle divorce. Plus it really does get the ball rolling on a friendlier note.

Certified Mail : Again I good way but IMHO, after it was "in the mail" I would inform hubby that it's in route.

Sheriff : To me this is when you can't talk at ALL or if there are safety concerns. I don't like this one, MYSELF. But in all fairness, about 7 years before my wife and I divorced she had me served like this once and it scared the CRAP out of me.

My personal vote is that if this is going to happen then put as many cards on the table as possible. Be up front and honest with him, you know that whole "take the high road" thing.