It has been a while since I posted. My wife and I were divorced on 3/17/03. I had an affair for 1.5 years, but cut it off on 1/3/03. Niether my wife nor I really wanted a divorce, but she felt it was the only way for me to get a house and be on my own, while we tried to get to know each other again. Since the divorce we have spent some good times together, including me spending a week staying with her while she was recovering from surgery. The one week changed her whole outlook on me. She started to feel very close and really wanted to be a family again. We have a 5 and 6 year old. But I had bought a house and needed to live in it to make sure it is really what she wanted and not just the emotion of the minute. Well we started to spend time together, but also did our own thing.

Last Saturday we had a 3 hour conversation on how she wanted to get back together and make this relationship work. She asked me to stay the night, but she had a wedding to got to, so I asked her to call me when she was done. She finally called me at 10 the next morning. She ended up drinking to much and had a one night stand with a guy she just met. I understand her feelings of rejection and wanting to be wanted, but she claimed she loved me and wanted to be with me and only me even more after the night. She has now backed off and is confused and thinks she might want to date this person and maybe start something, but she can't see herself without me. I don't get it how can she claim to love me and want me but then think about this other person. Does anyone have a good explaination for this?

holy cow.. talk about bad timing.. It is DEFINITELY TRUE that most all women attach meaning to sex (where as with most guys it's almost purely mechanical). Anyway, she is likely feeling/imagining more than what is really there. Likely the guy who had a one night stnad with her is not going to take her very seriously as a "relationship" partner. and when she pulls her head out or talks to friends I would hope they would express that. Good luck. Maybe ask her to try counseling for your kids sake (likely a counselor would clear the mud for her)...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lghoping:
<strong>I don't get it how can she claim to love me and want me but then think about this other person. Does anyone have a good explaination for this?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I believe that you are probably one of the most qualified to answer this question after a year and a half affair.

Affairs JACK things up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm sorry to say this but I agree with LostHusband.

You know your wife is really volnurable right now. That's probably why she slept with someone else. She liked the attention that she was getting from this one person that night that you probably hadn't given her while you two were divorcing.

But I also agree with Jack72, she is likely feeling more than what it really was. You two are divorced now. Give her space. If she wants to continue to make the relationship work she will. Whatever you do, don't try to force it, it won't work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have some new information since friday, I have now come to the conclusion that my ex is an Alcoholic, this is very difficult for me since she is and always will be my true love and best friend. She has stated that she does not need to work on us right now, but on figuring out her confusion with life and why she did what she did. She claims she does not have a drinking problem both my councelor and I think different. I want to help her, but I can not do it as long as she doesn't see it. I guess I'm looking for some insight please. I think she wants the marriage again, but does not know how to believe it.

I have to also agree with EVEGA.. Forcing things does not work. I tried and it did not work at all for me. I'd recmmend seeing if she might consider counseling WITH you or for your family. If not, my advice would be to make your intentions known, offer the counseling and then let go for awhile and concentrate on yourself and things you can actually control. Getting in the gym and getting shape will do wonders for yourself esteem and the ex's eyeballs.

To anyone out there that will listen, am I too caught up in what is going on and I should let the cards fall. It seems like fighting for so hard, but I can't continue to keep thinking there is a chance if there really is not. We are high school sweathearts and never dated anyone else. We were married for 15 years and dated 5 years before that, we basically grew up together. Being patient is hard and it brings a person down at times. Anyone I'm listening.