My son came home on tues. after his visitation w/Jethro. No sooner than Jethro brings son home, he gets son to ask me (hey he's four and easily swayed) "can I go to Bradley's birthday?". First words out of son's mouth when my door opens. At least Jethro this time dropped him off at curb. The r.o and tpo will be signed next week on wednesday as well as another hearing about his inability to tell truth and pay child support.

I ask my son sweetly as he enters our home, "honey, did daddy ask you to say that?" He says yea. And then son says he DOESN'T want to go to bradley's party. This child is Ms. Family Values' son. Jethro has been making a huge deal about it. In fact, he's made a bigger deal about THE OW'S CHILD'S PARTY THAN ANY OF HIS SON'S EARLIER BIRTHDAYS.

Well I told son that he doesn't have to go. There is no law. It is my weekend. It is my time with my son. Period.

Then on wednesday afternoon as I am driving home from work, school calls and says son has 101 fever. Right before I pick up son, Jethro calls and I answer only because thursday is his usual day to see son for weeknight visitation. Jethro asks me if I can give him our son for saturday and the birthday party and I say no. It's my wekend and no. So Jethro starts off calling me a "f'ing stupid b" and so on. I hang up shaking. I hang up now. And after the fourth, he will not be able to even speak with me about our son. Until then the attorneys had advised me to speak with him only about son and soon this weight will be lifted for a while when the judge signed the papers. So off I go with son immediatley after picking him up to after hours pediatric clinic and we saw a doc we've seen before from our regular clinic. Son has bronchitis and has been off from school for last two days. Thursday I used a sitter to sit with him. And I stayed home today. My job (seeing patients) won't be very flexible and allow me off too much for a sickness or emergency. So I had to at six this morning call in a temp from an agency. Big stress.

Anyway, so today Jethro calls. I didn't look at caller ID and thought it was office as they had just called. Was busy with son on one hand phone ringing beside me so I didn't look.

JEthro starts in saying "When do i get to pick up my son for my weeknight visitation?" I am coming to get him this afternoon and will return him saturday after four pm."

I say absolutely not. That he had from wednesday to thursday to arrange for his weeknight visitation and that friday is not a weeknight and that this is my weekend. He pulls the "you're denying me my visitation" card about son. Then he verbally assaults me once more saying that he will call his attorney, etc. File another motion, etc.

He harasses me until I said ok form one to four pm. He then said I was nuts and that he was going to prove me nuts in court (his way of controlling everything once more). After nine years of taking this crap from him, I know now to consult someone else if I don't know what to do. I hung up phone and immediately called attorney. Paralegal (who just graduated from law school and very on top of this case) said that she didn't think I should give in. Because first Jethro asks for friday and a return on saturday and then just asks for between 1 and 4 pm on saturday (the time for the birthday party). She said that their only arguement would be that it might show me as "unreasonable" with custody but that would be over come because I have never denied him to see our child but he's done plenty of the opposite..mother's day...last year when he took my son for 10 days without my permission, etc. So after hearing me cry and cry she calls Jethro's party buddy attorney (also an unmarried single dad) and he says that "the party sounds like fun and Buzz and Woody will be there. That they'd file a motion if I didn't let my son go to his MISTRESS' SON'S PARTY.

My paralegal said "whatever". She also informs his attorney that Jethro even when speaking about only our son peppers the conversations with saying "you stupid, f'ing, b.." over and over and is abusive to me. He said he spoke to Jethro and basically had to swear at him himself to get him to see the light and told Jethro to not call me anymore even if it's "about" son.

So here I am. First of all and foremost, my son has bronchitis and shouldn't be around kids. He had 101 again this morning and is on an antibiotic. If he couldn't go to school then he couldn't be with kids at a party. We've missed other birthday parties before and personally, I don't think the judge will be impressed with Jethro's motion and trying to show me as an unfit and unstable mother because on my designated weekend I chose not to allow my son to go to the birthday party (damaging. Very damaging as my son doesn't need to also see his wayward dad doting on someone else's child when he's not very caring about his own son, muchless the public flaunting of adultery).

Jethro's real desire was said. He went on from having son for a night (like he has done usually) to "just a couple of hours from 1-4) to make himself look good and use son as a prop at the Family Values birthday party.

What's wrong with this picture? Since when should a child be used as a prop? Especially a sick one. And when does the primary parent lose their judgement decisions and ability to make them? And when does it become suddenly ok to publicly acknowledge the affair?

I think Jethro may marry FV because he alluded that maybe one day this child might be his step. It is sick. He still thinks he can control me and son. And after cussing me out on wednesday, he in the next breath says, "Well I was going to help you and put you in touch with some of MY connections to find a new home...One nicer and cheaper (yea that's his concern) and with MY other contact to get you a chea per car.)

Please pray for us.

Son's sick. Weather is gorgous and we are somewhat limited as to what we can do b/c of his recurrent infection. Jethro is evil. And somewhere deep in the back of my mind, when Jethro calls me a stupid, fat, dumb, f'ing ***** I still believe the stupid, fat and dumb part. I work hard to dispel it. I know consciously that I am not. But sometimes I feel that I am so.

Please pray that we are paid soon. Landlord called and said that he was going to start proceedings in another week and my attonreys called him to fend him off. I paid and got my car current and used my tax rebate to get caught upo on household bills. But Jethro's still not paid us what was promised us twice through legal proceedings. And the case regarding the home invasion is going well. They've got all the evidence and will proceed forward.

So much is going on my head just hurts constantly. I am feeling really overwhelmed and down. Pray that we get some huge relief. Am still praying and applying for a new job so son and I will be able to be on our own completely.

The court system is so biased. And it's biased against being married. Because someone's married they have to jump through hoops left and right to get justice especially in cases of child custody, and spousal abuse.

So sorry you have to deal with this peachy. It is amazing what people we used to love can turn into. Stay strong ... it WILL get better.

I woke up today as if waiting for the bomb to drop. Turned ringer off of phone. I am not going to be bothered by Jethro another day nor harassed. Three more days until I get ro and tpo. And my son is going to be with me today.

We saw Finding Nemo last night. Poor little guy was still coughing so we couldn't go outside and play alot but he's doing better. So far no fever this morning. He is still sleeping. I just snuck in and felt his head. He's adorable when sleeping.

I just want really good peace of mind now. Please pray for us and keep continuing. This abuse will stop once and for all and I will do whatever it takes to make sure it does.

It is amazing when you wake up the first thing on your mind is something stressful. Makes me almost want to stick my head under the covers and not face the day. But that's not good.

I am going to make sure my son and I are not home at 1 pm so he cannot come over and bother us. We will find something fun to do somewhere. Maybe to the zoo if he feels up to it. If he's not coughing that is. But I don't know. Maybe Sci Trek. He might like that. Or to mall of GA. Nice Imax movies there.

All this stress is defiitely taking its toll on me. As a health pro, I wonder if there is any actual effects that will be lasting. In cardio, my area, I see patients day in and day out and know what prolonged stress does to the heart. And until about 3 mos. ago, my bp was way high and now it's gone down quite a bit but not still normalized yet.

My goal is to end this as a lady. Move on with my son. Find a great job. And get Jethro out of my life and as little to do with my son's life as possible unless he really gets some serious help. He can file all the motions against me that he wants to. It's his only recourse. But the narcissistic one really doesnt get it. He doesn't believe or know that he was caught. That the law is going after him. I just hope the detective listened closely to me and will ask the judge to offer psychiatric help to Jethro upon arrest. I don't know if he is arrested now or what. But they told me they'd get him before my court appearance on the fourth. Keep praying.

Nothing like handcuffs to make a narcissist or a sociopath rethink their possibilities and become more agreeable to negotiations. Think this may be the only leverage I have now against him. Sure, he's done a million other things wrong, but having him finally jailed for his behavior may be the thing that makes him want to deal. Please pray. I never thought I could ever say these things about my stbxh. I did love him so much once. I walked on eggshells and hot coals for a year and a half during the monkeyho event and would have even considered reconciliation last year at one point. But now, he is a shadow of the person I thought I knew.

What I do know is that laws are not in coordination any more with the spiritual laws God gave us. Originally the legal system and its rulings in the beginning of this nation were somewhat in sync with them as the legal systems of many other countries (my college bf was editor of law review at our univ.). When you have to "explain and show why" you won't let your son (even on your designated weekend and primary parent)should not attend the birthday party of the mistress' child there's something wrong with this country. When a wife who's endured years of abuse has her home burglarized and is verbally abused by her once verbal and physical abuser tries to go and get emergency legal help only to be turned away because she's "seemingly to have money" or "already has an attorney" or "is having a domestic dispute; lover's quarrel with her husband". Our society has to improve.

And here's my take on things. 1)Our society has become so damn immoral that we justify everything and if we can't we'll find some legal ruling to make it so. We bend the laws now to reflect our sins...Adultery, abuse, etc.

2)That women and men who are victims of spousal abuse should be able to obtain emergency help even if they are still living with their partner or if they are separated, or are hours away from their divorce. That shelters help everyone and not select who needs help.

3)that rich people get abused by their spouses just like poor ones. Or just because someone 'looks" like they have means (like me) doesn't necessarily mean they have it. I look like I am doing great financially but it's just surface.

I keep thinking over and over about Nicole Simpson and Laci Peterson. And what is so scary to me about the Nicole case was her x was actively trying to spy on her, look into her house, etc. Very similar. He had other women. They were divorced. And only when she moved on with her life and didn't want or need him anymore did he do this stunt. I keep praying for safety for me and my son.

While online here, Jethro just tried to IM me and I clicked off. He will have no opportunity to do so. My goodness. Family Values has got somethign cooking or something. To make such a damn big deal about a three year old's birthday party is wierd. Like it's the president's inaugural or something. Something is off and really wierd. When something really doesn't make sense or is ridiculous, it is worth thought. This is because something is happening much deeper than just the party. My sister says it is simply about control and that I am not letting Jethro have his way for the first time. That he's losing it because he cannot get his way. I think there's more to it. Maybe Family Values is putting lots of heat on having son there. Maybe she wants or he wants soooo bad to play "nice American adulterous family" in front of her family or friends. Nobody could want to pretend something that bad that theyd do this would they? Ok. Just answered my own question on that one. Sure if they were a narcissist or sociopath with no forethought of right or wrong. It makes me sick. Our son has missed plenty of birthday parties. One of his best friends at school had a party a few weeks ago and he was sick (after visit to dad's again) and couldn't go so we forwarded a gift. No biggie. The world did not stop turning. Either it's Jethro or Family Values pushing this crap. I am ruining their "perfect family picture" I guess to them. Sorry FV and Jethro. I am a good mom first to my boy. My sister also said that maybe FV is so into this new role (remember she's an unmarried lingerie/Maxxim model living in an apartment with her son and probably not used to this "lifestyle of the rich and famous") and is so into the Nuevo Riche thing that she's lost it and is making a Yuppie wannabee child's birthday into a national holiday. But that's what my sister thinks. That maybe this girl is sooooo materialistic and shallow that this party has turned into the end-all of end alls for this girl. And remember she's only 25 ok? Maybe she's putting so much damn pressure on Jethro to do this. After all they together did squander over 100k of joint marital assets last year and this year over 25k already when he became a "poor man" and couldn't pay the child support. And this "poor man" during his abusive tirade two days ago when he called me a "fat f'ing stupid b" admitted to MAKING OVER 20K PER MONTH INCOME. But he's a poor man. Here's the facts. He is making a ton of money. He doesn't want to part with it. He doesn't think he is entitled to. And he also admitted the foggy Outlaw FIL, who works for him along with the foggy Outlaw MIL, makes also 20k per month.

My God. They've turned into the RENECK CORLEONE FAMILY. Dang, can I kiss your gold plated ring godfather? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Being that I am living with the reality that a mistress' child's birthday party warrants a legal motion to be filed, I would like to ask your opinions on this.

Why in the heck is this stupid party so important to either Family Values or Jethro and why are they taking this so far?

My son was happy last year when I got him a tiny cake and we went to chuckie's. He was soooo happy with his gifts I got him.

Why the drama from Jethro and FV?

Yesterday morning child had fever of 101? You stayed home from work with him? Yet you took coughing chile to theatre that night so he could cough germs into the air for others? And disrupt their viewing of the movie with his coughing? And you are a nurse? What am I missing?

Sorry, I know you are in pain but I don't agree with the choice to go to the movie.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by notpeachyinga:
<strong>
Why in the heck is this stupid party so important to either Family Values or Jethro and why are they taking this so far?

Why the drama from Jethro and FV?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Knowing what your situation is, I would expect that their "motives" are in the category of 'worst case scenerios'. Jethro will do whatever it takes, at whatever and whomever's expense, to do what HE WANTS, for his own selfish reasons. Gee.... and in his beyond foggy state of mind, it would be next to impossible that any sane person could figure it out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My GUESS, is that he would want to keep your son there. Perhaps he senses something big is about to happen (which it is... what with the RO coming up). My next guess... is that he wants to have video taped footage of his new "family", and (hopefully) showing your son having "fun" in that setting. And a birthday party with all the bells and whistles is a great setting for that, don't you think? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> That's all I can imagine up right now.

Key word there... I'm IMAGINING what he could be up to. Peachy... you're stressing yourself out again, trying to figure him out. He doesn't even know himself... so how the heck is anyone else supposed to "get him"??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

As far as your son being sick.... Peachy... he's sick all the time. We all know how we've felt because of the turmoil and trauma that we've experienced (and are stille experiencing) throughout this whole A (and other addictions) mess. Can you even fathom how difficult it is for the children... who don't have the life skills yet to deal with it?? I'm thinking that the reason he is so sick all of the time, is stress related.

No matter how much of an idiot Jethro is, your son still loves him, b/c he's his "daddy". He also loves you very much, b/c you're his "mommy". He cannot understand the complexities of the A and D situation right now, and needs some help in that area.

What have you done, or are you doing to help him along?

For my boys, I am fortunate to have a CAS worker assigned to us (from the Children's Aid Society), and she is my main contact for various angencies and services in my community, to help my sons through this mess.

My oldest (living) son just turned 4 yrs old 2 days ago... so I understand the "age appropriateness" you're going through right now. And I know how hard it is. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am currently reading a book called, "What about the kids, Raising your children Before, During and After Divorce", by Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee. It's been highly enlightening to me during my divorce proceedings, and dealing with the boys... and I highly recommend that you read it too (or a similar book). It might give you a few more ideas on how to work with your son right now (and how to say certain things to him, etc).

Stay in and relax this weekend with your son. He's always on the go, so it seems. Maybe getting caught up on some good books, together, is called for. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

(p.s. if you're not familiar with my story, you can always ask Orchid the next time you talk to her... we have a lot more in common than you might think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ).

We had a good day yesterday and spent time together. Lots of relaxation and down time.

He's doing great. My son was a preemie and many preemies have tendencies to get upper respiratory infections period. He's doing well and has this happen from time to time.

And Cindy, lately you haven't been so nice to me when you post. I have never been judgemental nor cruel to you when posting to you so what's up? Really it doesn't matter. And no, my son wasn't spreading germs across a movie theater. If he were actively coughing he would not have gone and his fever was also gone. And NO I AM NOT A NURSE. BUT TONS OF EXPERIENCE AND AM DEGREED THANK YOU. This isn't the first time you've posted to me with neither suggestions nor anything positive. Geez. I get enough negative already. And maybe you should just "assume" if I am a health pro then I've got it under control. Which I do and very well.

When my son was born, he was released to me by a friend, chief doc of neonatal intensive care unit into my care at barely four pounds because the doctor KNEW me and my abilities and knew my son would do better at home with me than in the nicu but with all the proper monitoring devices. As soon as I could walk, I discharged the RN

We had a good day yesterday and spent time together. Lots of relaxation and down time.

He's doing great. My son was a preemie and many preemies have tendencies to get upper respiratory infections period. He's doing well and has this happen from time to time.

And Cindy, lately you haven't been so nice to me when you post. I have never been judgemental nor cruel to you when posting to you so what's up? Really it doesn't matter. And no, my son wasn't spreading germs across a movie theater. If he were actively coughing he would not have gone and his fever was also gone. And NO I AM NOT A NURSE. BUT TONS OF EXPERIENCE AND AM DEGREED THANK YOU. This isn't the first time you've posted to me with neither suggestions nor anything positive. Geez. I get enough negative already. And maybe you should just "assume" if I am a health pro then I've got it under control. Which I do and very well.

When my son was born, he was released to me by a friend, chief doc of neonatal intensive care unit into my care at barely four pounds because the doctor KNEW me and my abilities and knew my son would do better at home with me than in the nicu but with all the proper monitoring devices. As soon as I could walk, I discharged the RN at my home, as per the doc, and took care of son from that time on. Never had any complications and we were blessed. Only mild reactive airway with seasonal flare ups (and now's the season).

Please do not say anything negative about me as a parent. That's never been an issue and I take much offense at your comments lately which aren't usually helpful at all nor kind. I posted on your original post and thought it would be fun. You're an old timer here even a bit before me and honestly thought we'd become friends as with notebook dude and a few others. I am just kinda shocked with your comments I guess. What I've learned here is friends support one another. WE are here for SUPPORT AND WISDOM. Sometimes no matter how much booksmarts we possess or good sense, when an unthinkable or unfathomable situation hits us, we are totally unprepared or because of our closeness to the situation we aren't as easily to discern what is best to do. I came here to learn MB techniques and tried to save my M. I couldn't but it wasn't my doings. So I am learning about divorce and getting on with life. And dealing with still some very hurtful things and I wouldn't post here if I did NOT NEED SUPPORT. Oh, and we sat by ourselves in the first row in stadium seating. No coughing and no fever. So what are you missing ok? If you don't like me, don't post to me simple as that.

Topie,
Now that we've got this out of the way, after reading your thoughts, I have decided why to give any more thought or energy to this situation. It is just one more thing that just doesnt' make sense that he's done.

So what if he files a motion. He does. What is really funny yesterday is he called and left a vm saying he only "wanted son for 2 hours yesterday". He first refuses his weekly visitation or ignores it. Then says he wants son on friday night to return saturday afternoon (lawyers scoffed at his request), then down to just four hours on saturday, down to just two hours on saturday. He REFUSED his weekly visitation and only wanted son for the party. That's it. True motives I think and no more am I even going to dwell on it because it's plain now as day.

One ultimate truth I've learned is when dealing with foggy ones, you can't understand them. So I am not going to try really any more. Reprogramming yourself after ten years of living with someone who started off as wonderful as they come (an act and a way controlling and abusive people are--good salespeople)to degrade into who he is today. It's a pattern. First to his finace
he had right out of college, next to his first wife, next to me, and now to FV. I guess I should feel sorry for her because she doesn't know what she is in for. However, my charity ends with that as they squandered together much assets...Over 100k.

I've been praying hard and applying for more jobs. Son's better. I am taking him next week to an allergy/asthma specialist to get a workup. Think this will nip it in the bud. We have had a nice afternoon together. He's doing great and we went to the park late yesterday afternoon and fed the ducks with some stale bread. Very nice.

Today when it gets cooler near dusk and not as hot we may go by the greenbelt nearby. Little river flows through it and it's very shady and nice. I jog while he rides his bike. He's getting very good. I am proud.

Peachy:

You probably already know this, but don't count on him outgrowing this any time soon. I have two nephews that were premie's and they only stayed in the hospital about a month (they were 2 months early). They are now 12 and 14, and literally one of them has "crappy lungs" (doctors words) ALL the time. The 14 year old was at the doctor last week.

Their doctor has this year gotten them a "breathing" machine for home because he had tried for several months to get the 12 year olds lungs cleared up (3 rounds of AB and one he said was the strongest you could give outside of the hospital) and it still didn't clear them up. He even told the kid to try bending over when he coughed to help him get the "crap" up.

As well as the lung problems, the 12 year old has lost 75% and 65% hearing from continuous ear infections. They tried to do the tubes again in April but there was nothing there to put the tubes in. I totally don't understand that, but that is what they said.

I know a kid can wake up in the middle of the night with a 104 fever and be up and going by 8:00 the next morning with no fever. It happened to me, and it turned out to be an ear infection.

Believe me, I understand you. If my sister waited on her kids to be "WELL" they would never leave the house. I mean that literally.

My main point is to tell you to be real careful with the ear infections that comes with this. I really can't believe they have let my nephew lose so much of his hearing. I don't know what else could have been done as he has lived on AB all his life, but it is a shame.

Hi peachy,
I hardly ever post in mb these days. Turns out I'm 'more at home' in a forum for people dealing with verbal and emotional abuse, but I still check on familiar names here from time to time. I reckon one of these days your update will tell us that Jethro's butt got thrown in jail where it belongs! Or even better would an update that he's paid you all the $$ he owes.

Until then, I see you doing some things that I used to do. First and foremost, trying to figure him out is a waste of brain cells! He's an abusive person. Abusers live in a different reality. Most of us here are interested in healthy relationships, open and honest communication, mutual support, reasonable compromises. People like Jethro, and my stbx, live in a different world, a different reality. They don't understand us, and it's impossible for us to truly understand them. I learned these things from Patricia Evan's books on verbal abuse. She explains how we will hit a brick wall every time we try to reason with them as if we live in the same reality.

The bottom line is it doesn't matter why Jethro is causing such a drama over the bday party. Can't you just hear your brain cells short circuiting when you think about it? Knowing why he's behaving this way isn't going to change your position. It's your weekend, and you're not interested in having your son exposed to a sickening scenario. Period. End of report. If he wants to reveal the depths of his scum by filing a motion, then bring it on! It's makes no rational sense that a man who's inflexible on mother's day because it's HIS weekend to be twisting himself into pretzel because mean ol' stbx won't allow son to be part of his mistress' son's party. Excuse me while I gag!

I know you've been through a lot, and are still in the process. Each of us suffers a tremendous loss when a marriage ends, no matter the cause or the cirucumstances. Remember that acceptance is the final stage of grief. Grief is preceded by anger, depression, and denial. Each of the preceding stages is subject to REPEAT until we GET it.

Godspeed to you in reaching acceptance peachy. There's no short cuts to acceptance, but spending time in trying to figure him out can represent an endless loop that just uses up YOUR resources and time. Taking that route takes you around and around and around the same old cr@p. It truly pains me to think your divorce is still in the works. All this mess is using up huge chunks of your life and resources, and you deserve to be in high gear on a smooth road. If you haven't read books by Patricia Evans yet, I implore you to read them. I truly believe you'll benefit and find new ways to create distance between you and Jethro. Good luck.

Hi NotPeachy! I've lurked on your postings some, just kinda absorbing it all in.
Just a few thoughts of my own:
This stupid party is just another 'victory' for OBJ and MFV - it's all BS as far as I'm concerned. So many divorcing parents (not you) use their children as weapons against each other and they don't care about what happens to their children.
One other thought from my past experience: when you mentioned 'upper respiratory infection' that rang a bell with me.
Your son is about the same age as my 2 sons were when we lived in Lynchburg, VA. They were DEATHLY SICK from the day they were born - one respiratory infection/allergy/viral infection after another another etc. Nobody could figure it out!!
Bottom line - we moved away to another state (Rocky Mount North Carolina) and - dig this - they NEVER EVER got sick with that crap ever again. It was so weird.
We figured that they were just allergic to something - but never could figure it out. Perhaps, Peachy (JMHO here) perhaps all this is maybe leading you to change cities - maybe a drier climate might help your son. Also, I don't know if you live IN Atlanta or in suburbs. Atlanta is - like most large cities - very polluted - even if it doesn't seem like it. My wife and I moved out of the Dallas/Ft. Worth area because of dust/air pollution. My wife used to cough all night - well, we moved 40 miles upwind of the MetroPlex and - neither of us are hacking like we were.
Just a kind suggestion - and Peachy, both you and your son are in our prayers.
May God bless you both and may Justice prevail.
Harold

Peachy, you continue to get drawn into his dramas. No good lawyer would file a motion for a birthday party attendance, and it would take to long to get it into court. He's baiting you.
Stay off IM, and set boundaries on the calls.
I hope to go to court this week to on parenting time. For now, make your own life, and keep MFV and J out of your mind.
Just when you begin to sound healthy, they try to drag you back in. Stop sparring. It's not worth the energy.

About the movie, I'm sure your son was much better or you wouldn't have taken him. We saw it this weekend too. It's fun to see a movie when it's newly out. Of course, now my little one is distraught over the mommy dying, and basically didn't watch the movie after that, and can only think of that. You can only do what you believe is right, whether with J or your son.

DETACH and Disengage. IT's not worth your energy.

Hey Peachy! Why don't you change your Screen Name for the Instant Messenger - that's what I did when I didn't want to fool with someone pestering me. Also, if I'm not mistaken, AOL IM has a BLOCK feature - you need to use it! If you don't want to mess with changing Screen Name, at least block OBJB, OK? You only block the peeps you don't want to IM - not everyone else.
Hope this helps.
JMHO.
Harold

Thanks everyone. And the part about ATL having allergens could be culprit. Personally, mine were horrible as a child and until moving here to GA,they were ok. We'll find out @ allergist/pulmonologist. Son's doing great and is at summer day camp today. It's "camp out" week and they had to bring their sleeping bags. Will tell stories in a tent in the classroom.

Thanks becontent. I am sorry for your nephew's situation/condition. Lonesome heart: Thanks also. Will get an Evans book as soon as I finish one I'm reading now. "Women and the Art of Negotiations". For jobs. And he's a classic abuser but I am basically done with everything now. The more he does, the more I detach emotionally from him. Seems almost a lifetime ago.

Newly,
Youre right. I will not allow them to be able to suck me into their poo. But his motions is about "his custody time". He is saying I am denying him time with our son. Well had he asked to see son on wed. or thurs. as per the week days allowable since after his visitation he drops off son on tues. to school, he would have had his weekly visit. And I am detaching. It was hard but I am trying. Emotionally I am already there though. Just the legal and financial crap that's kept me swirling around. When that's done, goodness knows what this girl will do with time and a lack of stress. That's gonna be huge. I don't know what it's like to NOT have huge stress in my life.

Harold, thanks. You're right about the allergy part also. And I am still trying my friend to figure out where son and I belong. My mantra now is "Somewhere I belong" by Linkin Park. About healing and finding your space on this globe and in life period. And the stuupid party was just that. A party. Nothing more. But an event where Jethro could look good.

Detach. That's good. I am trying folks. It's hard. Just the legal and financial that's all now to deal with. Oh, and the job thing. I am praying hard that everything falls into place soon. God knows I need a break.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> One of these days, life's gonna be awesome. I am waiting and praying.

Pray for wednesday. Pray that justice is served and that he has to pay or lock up. And pray that I am honored in the tpo and ro and that this will soon wind down. The detective from the burglary thing told me that jethro will probably be picked up for the break in before the fourth. That could be now. Or tomorrow. Pray about that. The little gremlin inside of me kinda hoped that they would've picked him up on saturday right before the party. So then she'd have to say "well, he couldn't come--he was DETAINED". LOL.

Peachy,

If son was sick, and you had him at the doctor's and all, there is NO COURT that would say ex had the right to take him, especially to a party. You are primary custodial parent and can make decisions regarding your child's welfare. If Jethro's attorney did file a motion that you are not letting Jethro see his son, all you have to do is show that you had a sick child, and you made reasonable offers to change visitation.

My ex and his attorney tried all that crap, but now that custody is pretty much done, ex hasn't even called his D since November 7, 2002. Hasn't stopped him from trying to do as much damage as possible to me, though. These are sick men we are dealing with... much like rabid animals, there's really only one way to stop them. Usually their own lifestyles do that to themselves.

Lori

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Just the legal and financial crap that's kept me swirling around. When that's done, goodness knows what this girl will do with time and a lack of stress. That's gonna be huge. I don't know what it's like to NOT have huge stress in my life.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Peachy, I feel the same way. I filed a motion to implement the custody evaluation on May 22nd, his lawyer had one week to respond. We recieved the response on May 29th, we have until today to respond, then the judge will read all motions and decide by Thursday if she agrees with our initial motion or we go to court on Friday. This has taken a long time. There will be alot of back & forth before anything gets implemented. I read all of H's BS and got upset. A friend read it and calmed me down. We are too emotionally involved to see things clearly. That's where detachment & friends come in handy.

You'll be fine.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by notpeachyinga:
<strong>The little gremlin inside of me kinda hoped that they would've picked him up on saturday right before the party. So then she'd have to say "well, he couldn't come--he was DETAINED". LOL.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hear you loud and clear on that one!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I had those same "gremlins" at work in my mind at Christmastime. I knew my H was to travel to his parent's house for xmas (a 2 hour drive away), and chose to make xmas eve the night I regained access to our matrimonial home. My intent was to find pictures of the boys that were on cd's and discs (don't worry... nothing illegal there), AND to find the child porn that I just KNEW was there.

Anyways, I had these visions of H being at his parent's house.. with ALL of his family there (cousins, aunts, uncles, etc), when the O.P.P. (Ontario Provincial Police) would come in and arrest him on the child porn possession charges!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

The icing on the cake? Well... MIL works for the OPP... so the arresting officer(s) and everyone she works with would KNOW about H!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ah... what a FINE dream that was! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It never did happen... in fact, all hell broke loose that night instead. But, H did end up being arrested (on January 3rd). Once the court is all over and done with for the criminal trial (where I'm a witness... ugh!), I'm thinking that a "little bird" might inform their local paper about what kind of son these "outstanding citizens of the community" raised! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (okay... so it's another dream in the works. LOL).

Karen

With all the phone calls and swearing from him, has your attorney discussed taping calls. In my state only one of you needs to know the call is being taped and this can easily be done from a cell phone. I think the court would be quite offended by his conduct.

Hey Peachy,
Please, Please DO NOT give in to this man ANY ... you have a Doc's statment on your sick child for the love of GOD that will surfice in any court of law! The man doesn't care about anything but HOW HE LOOKS ... that's what this whole thing is about. Also, if you go back to court on WED and NOTHING happens ... please, consider getting better council... this is ridicilous. He is getting away with murder.
But if NOTHING ELSE ... do not send your child to that party. You will not be in violation of anything if you don't, stand tall be strong... remember Scarlett O'hara ... the southern girl hero ... BE HER ... be STRONG!!!!

also ... a PS to cinderella ... this woman needs support so please don't second guess petty issues here. I'm sure people were kind to you here when you needed it. We all do things that other's may or may not consider to be right or proper in other's eyes but let's keep the judging out of this forum ... at least with each other ... people are hurting here. Do unto others as you would have done to you ... ok