I need encouragement! My husband & I will have been married for just 3 years and he wants to separate. Stating he "needs time to himself to acheive some things that he didn't do way before he got married"( he had been living with his parents when I married him; to prove something to himself and feel better about himself as a husband/man to me. We have a 1 year old child and have moved back to his hometown about 6 months ago with me being reluctant but I wanted to support him in hopes he would be able to find a better job so he could be the "bread winner" and feel more like the "head of the household" in every sense of the word and maybe I would be able to stay home with our child or not feel the whole burden of paying most of the bills, as if my salary depended on it and being their for our child. Which the financial roles had put a damper on our marriage with me feeling less desireable "sexually " wise or less feminine or even "freed up" to relax to have sex. We have started counseling but he thinks about separating everyday and says he is separating to come back eventually to our marriage.It doesn't make sense to me, thinking it will only bring us farther apart. I am tired of of suggesting we remain together and try to renew those "loving" feelings thru counseling and feel he is only going to counseling to "buy time" since he doesn't even have the money or the credit to get his own place(remember I make the most $$). I include him in decision making and parenting issues but it doesn't appear to help. He says I have "pushed" him away over time by not being his "cheerleader" or affectionate but it wasn't intentional, I just couldn't even be my own cheerleader, let alone his or relaxed enough to be affectionate "in the bed room" when I was constantly anxious and worrying about the bills out side of the "bedroom" and exhausted from a a stressful-job but couldn't quit because it meant a decrease in pay that could pay our bills.<P>Anyone out there separated that knows what my husband is talking about that felt separating for a while helped their marriage and renewed those "loving feelings"?

Well,I just found this site and have discovered that there are more women going through what I'm going through. I,too, am going through a separation NOT BY MY CHOICE! My H left almost 2 weeks ago after I brought up the subject that I could see he wasn't happy anymore. He agreed and said he had been struggling with it for the last 2-3 months. We spoke one week later because I discovered a lot of what I did to help this decision and he says he's not ready NOW to come home because he needs to get himself back first. He also said he wasn't ready for me to give up on him yet.??? So now I'm left with the uncertainty of ever getting back our marriage. He said that he could not put a time limit on it but that He still loved and cared for me just not "in love" like the beginning. We have 3 children together and Father's Day was the hardest day for me to accept when the kids left OUR home to be with him. I think that's what makes it so hard on most wives. We're left with a ALL the questions from the kids and their pain that we really don't have the time to accept it. I've decided to just leave him alone totally through it all, as hard as it is, and maybe he'll realize he does love me more and appreciate all the little things I did for him. Good luck Try and be strong through it.

Hi Honey3,<BR> It sounds like the same thing my husband was saying to me, however he has not left but at the present has decided to "work" things out with our marriage. I finally had to say he was not the victim and pretty much was ready to kick him out for just making me feel like crap; walking around the house as if unnhappy and trying to avoid me in our own house while I try to work things out between us. I told him to be unhappy and angry somewhere else because it takes two to work things out and not to drag things out if he wanted to leave to get his life together which I told was a big cop-out. Well he decided to stay and I'm a little "relieved" but just want to trust him again and need to see & feel that he means what he says and perhaps he won't change his mind and we can work together on finding our selves "in love" with each other again.<BR>I'll be praying for your marriage and hope it truly works out and you too try to stay strong and be encouraged for yourself & your children. I know this time must be extremely hard for you as I can only imagine when not too long ago I was in a similar position just anticipating that he was planning to leave. Thanks for sharing about what your are going thru. I too found out that I was not the only woman going thru this, on the website for Woman's Day magazine there is a posting where a woman was going thru the same thing and all the women who responded shared their experiences and had some "happy endings". It was encouraging and supportive. Maybe you may want to check it out. <BR>Sincerely,<BR>Kembersmom<BR>

Hi. Separtion for 9 months saved my marriage. My husband had what he said was an EA with my best friend 6 years ago. It was an awful, terrible thing to endure because I loved tne trusted them both. Now I found out that it was PA, but only after forcing the issue in counseling.<P>It was a double betrayal, with him and my best friend. Now it feels like a triple betrayal because of 6 years of lies.<P>He moved out in search of his relationship with her. He was in a "fog" for many months and finally came out of it. I wish now I had asked him to stay away longer. I think I would be stronger today if I had. It was very hard at first, but after a while the lack of emotional battering is very peaceful. He would call and I could control the conversation and decide if I even wanted to talk.<P>It really helped us to see the good in each other, when you're together it's so easy to concentrate on the negatives.<BR>I wish you luck. Prayer helps a lot too!