If you have been keeping up with this saga my W is bringing the OM around my children and we are only seperated. (WHAT NERVE!!) Well last night I called my boys around 9'ish and my oldest told me they had company. I called back at 10:50 on my daughters cell phone and ask if everything was alright and she said they still had company! I told her I would call back in 15 min. and if he was still there I was coming to get them. When I called back he was gone. Come to find out it is a law that a visiter cannot be there past 10 o'clock. Did I do the right thing?

<small>[ May 31, 2003, 07:23 AM: Message edited by: adamv ]</small>

Well, I would ask the kids how they feel about the OM being there first! Cause their feelings are what count. Then I would enforce the law of 10pm. Where did you find out that it can be enforced? Make sure you have the right data before you take action.

If your wife continues on the path of being with the OM, regardless. Then take action.

My wayward husband did similar things, only on the phone. He would talk to her in front of us, and in front of the kids. It was disgusting, and no consideration or thoughtfulness to his family. That is what she is doing, it feels good, do it attitude! They are in the foggg... and using their own sensations, euphoria, and lust for their selfishness. Not caring about the feelings of her husband and kids. It hurts, and I really was devastated by my husbands actions of selfishness.

Just be kind and nice about it. Use the backward lingo like Orchid does. And reverse it back on your spouse. It is a case of looking for yourself, and diverting their actions back at themselves. They can give it out, but wait till they receive it. It is a different story.

Take care, and take care of those kids. If they are hurting by your wives actions. Go get them and bring them over. After all, you are only separated.

My two oldest children (14 and 16) do not want to be around him period but they tolerate him because they love their mother. They just go to their rooms when he is there. They often come over and tell me "guess what M did with the OM?"The OM has children (4) and my W treats them better than her own! (don't even get me started there) My children see this and they are crushed! What is she thinking???? By the way what is backward lingo?

<small>[ May 31, 2003, 10:14 AM: Message edited by: adamv ]</small>

adamnv,

'backward lingo'....... might be what I affectionately call 'reverse babble'. If so, it is a technique to help the BS NOT carry the pain or blame heaped upon them by the WS. This same principle can be used in other aspects of our lives and many of us do so.

ex 1:
WS: I love you but I don't love you.

BS's initial reaction: WHAT?!??!? (hurt, anger, pain, crying, frustration...etc.)

BS reverse babble: Yea, me too.

ex 2:
WS: I see your changes and like them but am afraid to come back for fear that you will go back to your old ways.

BS initial reaction: (shock) WHAT!??!?! (stammering...) But I won't go back, I will get better, I won't do that again (all the time in your mind you are saying.... what am I saying???)

BS reverse babble: Hm.... good point, well I feel the same about you. Let me get back to you on that..... (re: put the WS in a quandry, don't commit and make them wonder).

NOTE: The more a WS wonders about what the BS and family are doing, the more that time is detremintal to the A.

ex 3:
WS: Don't keep me from my children. They are my children and I love them.

BS normal response: Ok, I won't. I know you love them. When do you want them? (in your mind you are really saying.... 'you must be crazy but I have to make her/him feel better otherwise the WS will run away....again.... - sigh).

BS reverse babble: Ok, but can you convince them you love them because we have all been wondering about that. The children have said they want to spend time with you without the OM around. So when can you do that?

WS: hm..... well not today, tomorrow or next weekend... how about in 2 weeks?

BS reverse babble: Well, we will have to check our calender and get back to you.

WS: Wait.... I want to see them now!

BS w/reverse babble: Well, we will have to check our calender and get back to you.

WS: WHAT?!?!?!?

BS: We will call you later. (click).

ex 4:
BS: Need you to give me a list of (something).

WS: I can't not now..

BS: ok when?

WS: I don't know.... oh by the way, when can you give me some $$?

BS: for what?

WS: I don't know, I just need it.... don't ask soo many questions.

BS: ok (walk away or hang up).

Ws: Wait, when can you get me the $$$?

BS: After you get me the list of (something)

WS: Are you trying to bully me?

BS: (look shocked <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ). Me??? no.

WS: When will you get me the $$?

BS: I don't know. (click).

Any of this makes sense? It isn't suppose to but remember the mental state of mind and then protect yourself and your children. It is like she is under the influence of stupidity and you don't want her driving.

L.

Hey thanks orchid!!! I think I get the gist of it. It sounds as though you always keep the other person in check that way. Am I right?

ADam,

Good. Now remember, you can't control the Ws. Just gotta keep 'em dancin'. In a figurative way.

L.

Well I will say one thing these people who have these affairs and think that it is not damaging to the children are totally blinded by euphoric lust, deceit, selfishness and denial.
My wife actually took my kids out of school as an excuse to have her affair, not once thinking about the the kids. She introduced them to this OM like it was nothing wrong. She wanted to serve me papers at first, but at the advice of her family I had her served papers first, and at her job of all places. She was embarrassed and quite taken by surprise. i did not care what her friends at work said about my actions, for they are responsible to for my wife having her affair.
She had to sign the papers as legal proof that she received it, they would not leave it with anyone.
I had her serve as a way of preventing my W from taking my kids and moving in with OM. It was not a good situation for them. Ever since I had her served she has not taken our kids to OM home, she has since moved out and moved in with him and to make matters worst for her, she is spending alot of money on him to keep this going. My kids are with me for now, and after months of who is going to end up as custodial parent, my W decided that they need to be with me. In short my wife chose the path in which she wants to go and chose this man over her kids. U get the chance serve papers first.

Well I did not want the divorce nor do I believe in divorce. God strictly forbids it except in one and only one circumstance. But yes she filed first and she also acts as though it is fine and natural to have another M around. She takes our youngest over to play at OM house with his children but has no idea what lessons she is teaching him.I moved out of MH cause she threatened to take them and move out and I knew that it would be hard enough on them but taking them out of the house would be really bad. I thought about them and their well being first. I can tell you that with her actions she is only thinking of herself.