She said she was at the point where she was willing to put her selfish feelings aside and sit down with me and discuss everything that we need to come to terms on, including children visitation and CS. I am thinking about the arrangement a friend of mine at work has with his W. The children spend a week with him and a week with her and so on and so forth. Niether one pays the other CS due to the fact they share equal time at both houses. Does this sound reasonable and fair?? Some input please!!!

<small>[ June 01, 2003, 09:16 AM: Message edited by: adamv ]</small>

Is it fair? Yes IF both of you are in enthusiastic agreement of it. But you better check it out with an attorney first and have him/her writte the paperwork needed for you and your stbxw to sign.

I agree that you should check it out before agreeing to anything. I think that money handed over is more due to each other's earning...so if you earn more you may still have to pay her....just speculating, but it is worth thinking about.

Also how would the kids cope with such an arrangement? How far away from each other do you live? Would they be attending the same schools? Be able to see their friends? Would they have equal amounts of their stuff at each house? What about birthdays and special events....what will happen then? And that is without thinking about uplifting the kids each week. It is not a good solution for my kids but then they are young. I think it would bring some confusion to their lives. Just MHO.

Love and light,

Jacky

The agreement needs to be between the two of you. Also, the money issue is important. Who makes the most money. That is a deciding factor. Also, there is where the kids will go to school, friends, and relatives. Look at the kids factor of life first. They need to have a stable life. Not live one week here and one week there. Are they going to have identical rooms in both homes. Identical toys, identical clothes, etc. To me it is not fair to the kids. They need a place that they call home. A place that is there home, and know it will always be their home.

The selfishness of the parents can destroy the kids that they won't feel safe anywhere. I would check with your spouse, and the two of you discuss this thoroughly. The kids minds are the ones that you are trying to put at ease.

To live one week at your place and one week at her place. That seems to be too rough on the kids. But, that also, could be a situation to talk with a psychologist also. And to talk to your attorneys also.

Divorce is ugly, and causes a great deal of pain for everyone. This is a hard decision, but knowing my kids and having a home of their own, without having to go back and forth, is better for them to know that they have one home. My kids are home, glad to live here. Knowing that I take care of the animals, and take care of their laundry. That is stability. Their dad, is an okay dad. Stability is not his pattern.

Hey Adam,

How are you doing?

L.

Hey Orchid and everyone at MB! To answer a the questions, I have talked to my daughter(My oldest,16yrs.) and ran this idea of joint custody by her and she absolutely loved it! She is so torn right now on having to choose who she would rather live with. She loves both of us very much.The idea is yes they will have the same clothes, personnal items, toys, furniture, etc... at both houses. The idea is to make them feel like they are not moving everytime they go from one place to the other. They just come as they are. They get to spend equal time with both and don't have to choose. Right now they have to pack up everything to visit and often times they forget things and have to go back. Also, we only live about 2 miles apart and they would attend the same school, church, friends, everything. what do ya'll think?

Saw her last night at boys baseball games. we talked a little. It is so nice to talk without all the bad tones and bitterness. Don't know where it's going but need to figure out first things first. Pray for me/us! God bless

I have put everything in Gods hands. I realized I cannot worry about where and what my W is doing and who with. I have to take care of myself and children. God has given me that responsibility and I owe them my love and attention. W will have to deal with her decisions and God will take care of that.

Saw her again at boys ball game. The OM was there too. She walked up with my daughter and we all were talking and the OM walked over close to us cause we were all laughing and having a good time and made sure she seen him. She talked for about one more minute than excused herself and walked over to talk with him the rest of the night. I also talked to her sister yesterday that moved 800plus miles to try to have a relationship between the families and commented that my W is acting so crazy and she don't know what to do. see you on monday.

I have been waiting on the W to contact me so that we can try to agree on some sort of parenting plan. I have not told her my idea's yet. I am tring to not have any conflictive conversations with her as stated in the plan A guidelines. She has already filed but we have not talked any more about anything, children or settlement. It's like we are coasting. Her and her lawyer called and cancelled mediation because she said she did'nt have the money. She really should have thought about this when she filed. I want something to happen but don't want to be pushy. Any thoughts on what to do?

Wait. Patience. Or should I say patiently persevere for a while. Let God work in her life.

Be strong.
God Bless.
Mike

Talked to her again last night. That's 3 nights in a row. Our conversations are plesant( generally about what is going on in the children's lives and future expenses). She finally asked me about what I had in mind for a parenting plan and I told her. She said it sounded good but she needed to think about it and I told her to take all the time she needed. I am really trying to do a planA sort of thing even though she has already filed. God has given me so much hope here recently to wait on him and not worry about her. He will deal with her. I just want to keep my eyes focused on him. She even agreed to let me come to the house to do some yard mending. I am trying to be as patient as humanly possible. We even laughed and joked around which we have not done in a long time. If anyone has any input to help encourage or advice please drop it on me!!