I am 29 and have been married for 7 years now. The truth about the matter is I only got married because my wife got pregnant. We were going out and she got pregnant just before I was about to move away (I'm in the military) So I did what I thought was the right thing and got married. I have never been unfaithful to her but I'm just not happy. We really have nothing in common, and she doesn't like to do the things I do. I have thought for a long time about getting separated or divorced but I just can't picture my son growing up without a father, not only that but I'm kind of in a comfort zone and I know that it will get really ugly quick if I make an attempt to break away. I have made subtle attempts to talk to her about my feelings and how we don't have anything really in common but she just says I’m silly and that we have lots in common, but can't name any. I have now been stationed overseas away from my family for 6 months and I'm going home for my midtour leave for a month. We have hardly talked since I left and when we did all we had to talk about is our son and work and that's it. So I am wondering if I should go home and act like things are all great like before or if I should tell her exactly how I feel and deal with the drama and worry about all the things she is going to do when I leave again to finish my overseas tour. I really don't want to hurt her, but I feel as if I have made a bad decidion in life and I've just been ignoring it thinking that I can deal with it or that it can change.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Vmann. I am losing my W of 18yrs. We have been sep. for 3mo and she has filed. I would die for this woman. We have 3 wonderful children. She says she felt things slipping away 5yrs. ago. If only I knew then what I know now things might be different. My point is until you are on the other side you don't know how it feels. Read some of the info on this sight. You may find it helpful. You may even discover a way to have a beautiful relationship with your W. God bless!

Vmann,
Adamv said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Read some of the info on this sight. You may find it helpful. You may even discover a way to have a beautiful relationship with your W.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with reading up here at MB. You may also want to check out the link below to a questionnaire that both you and your wife could work on. It is possible that she's not as happy as you think, but is also "comfortable".
Emotional Needs Questionnaire

Thank you, I'm going to send her the questionaire and fill it out so she will see my emotional needs too. I Have seen the other side of the fence though, In my first marriage (I guess I didn't mention it in my post) My Wife left me while I was deployed (military) and I had no say in it at all (the military threatened me with the loss of my career, "just give her what she wants" they said.) We were only married for a month when she left me, but it took a year of divorce (lawyer and all of the ugly stuff) I guess I still have alot of emotional baggage from that failed marriage that is affecting my thoughts on this. So you see why I really hate to think of divorce but like I said i'm not happy.

I don't get it: Vmann - when you went out and first began kissing, etc. which eventually wound up y'all having a child - you saw something in her then that you loved. Sounds like you both have gotten caught up in the Day-To-Day Cycle of just making a living. It is so easy to fall into that circle and unless you both decide to make time for each other - good quality time - the cycle will continue. I was in the Army for almost 9 years and can identify with time spent away from the family - we pratically lived in the field then the deployments were the worst. You two should get into Marriage Counseling individually until you return from Overseas Duty. Then, you'll be stateside for at least 3 years and that will afford you the opportunity to get really serious about each other.
Hope this helps.
Harold