Xwh has always gone to son’s activities, but now feels that he needs to be told when they are by S-16 or me. I told him he has done these activities for the last 15 years & should know what or who to ask about s-16 activities. If he misses a once a years athletic banquets it was because he had priorities other than knowing about his son’s events. It seems he is using me not telling him about what he should be attending as the reason he doesn’t know about what is going on in son’s life. Daughter –21 said he is old enough to figure out a way to know what is going on if he truly wanted to. I kind of agreed with her logic & know he can ask old friends about the events going on in town. I sometimes feels I could tell him everything about what S is doing, but then again I would be the person organizing his visits with son.
(That is suppose to be his responsibility right?) (Maybe I should set up a weekend & xwh can say he is busy. At least them I tried.)
I know this would help son’s relationship with his dad. I know I should do whatever would be in the best interest of son. S rarely asks for anything dealing with his dad. I need advice as to what worked the best for you to help reestablish a good relationship with xwh for the benefit of s & yet not try to force anything.
I also need some guidance about responding to xwh or xSIL about what xMIL is writing to D-21. xMIL had to be moved immediately in an assisted living after xwh & OW stayed with her in AZ for a week. After they left the neighbors called saying she need mental help. XWH didn't notice any problems while they were there. D-21 has not had a relationship with her dad since finding out about OW & then xwh doing a variety of actions that demonstrated his “fogginess”. D-21 sees xwh actions as pure selfishness.
xMIL writes how she will be happy for me when I find someone else & how happy she is now for xWH that he loves ow. Then the next time writes how xwh & his siblings had “whisked” her away from her home in is living dependent on others. Her last letter dealt with the fact that d-21 should feel lucky because now D will have 2 mothers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> D-21 is in her junior year studying psychology & sociology. She has been going to counseling, probably learning more from her real life experience than books the last two years. XWH thinks most of D-21 mental anguish is from how she was told about the affairs & continued contact. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Xwh doesn’t see any problems of how his actions since then have damaged their relationship.
I really don’t like educating xwh about how his lack of doing what is best for others, shows his selfishness. I did tell xwh that he still had access to my mental health insurance for 6 months since he won’t have any with his insurance. I also said it seemed funny how every one in his old family was going to counseling except for him & that if he truly wanted his marriage to OW to work he had better solve his past problems first. I told D-21 that her grandmother has been living in a fantasy world just like her dad. She understood cognitively, but still feels her grandmother is as much in the fog as her dad & is so sad. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> So do I just stay quiet or do I tell others about how much both xwh & xMIL are in their own world, or is it just my own, foggy bs attitude. Do I help my kids the best by just staying quite & affirming their feeling? In the past I feel I stayed quite to much of the time, when I saw something that wasn’t quite right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
