Don't get me wrong about the answer I had given you. Do you expect me to wait until my W decides to come knocking at my door if it is a year or two from now? There is not more I would love is to rebuild my marriage. This forum has help me a gtreat deal to understand and learn from other people's pain and emotional sufferings. Just as everyone else I too am going through alot of pain and unfortunately life must go, it has been almost five months now since my W had her affair and walked out on me and our kids.

Everyday, I think about my wife, everyday I say ro myself (What has happen to her?_She played her self into some guys game and got caught in temptation. I know eventually she will come back, it always happens. Alot of messages I read in this forum has help me cope and deal with the situation.

I am sorry if you misundersttod my answer, I don't intend on picking something new and trying to make a difference with someone else. We all have our issues and my W and I are no different than any one else. I am not going out there and looking to replace her. My focus at the moment is towards my kids.

Striketwo,

I'm glad to hear you say your focus in your kids right now. This is a good thing.

But, let me make myself clear here: re: your situation w/your W:
I don't expect you to do anything! But here's the thing: this thing is a process. It takes T-I-M-E. Lots of time.

If you go off as a knee-jerk reaction to her irrationality, you may be giving up something permanently that may be salvageable down the line.

YOU SAY:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>There is not more I would love (but) to rebuild my marriage. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But YOU DON'T ACT LIKE this is the most important thing to you!!

You act like the MOST IMPORTANT thing to you is to protect yourself from the hurt you have endured at the "hands of your W."

I understand this, believe me, I understand how this hurts. Myself and just about everyone else here has experienced this hurt and devastation that you are trying to insulate yourself from. YES, it's hurtful. YES, it's (probably) the most awful thing in the world to have happen. I liken it to having a nuclear blast take place in your living room. Everyone nearby is affected in a very bad way.

But it's a temporary condition, and there are things you can do to keep yourself from remaining in intense PAIN for very long. That's what first opened my eyes, and appealed to me! I couldn't stand the pain....It's all explained here on MB.

First of all, Striker, remember what I said about the time element. This takes lots of time. It takes time for HER to realize that running AWAY doesn't fix the problem, cause SHE is at least 50% of the problem!!! Just like YOU running away from HER doesn't really ease your pain very much....cause YOU OWN a lot of the reasons for her pulling away from you, too!

Here's another "nugget" to chew on.....have you done any reading on statistics about children and divorce? Have you found out how devastating this will be on your children in the future? Woudln't you like to prevent them from growing up in a broken home? If you knew that all you had to do to prevent that from happening is remain steady, firm, rational, had a "formula" which would probably bring your family back together and IN A MORE HEALTHY WAY THAN EVER BEFORE.....WHY WOULDN'T YOU BE WILLING TO DO THAT?

I'm not trying to beat up on ya, bro, I hope you know that. I'm just convinced that many, many people here give up waaaay too fast, thinking THAT will ease their own pain, only to jump into something else (or make wrong decisions) that affects them and their children for years and years to come.

Lots of them come back here and tell us that! That's why I believe I'm right!

I KNOW what your'e thinking! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> "So why isn't my W thinking about what she's doing to the kids?"

Right?

She isn't cause SHE ISN'T!!! Her "taker" has taken over full bore, and her GIVER is taking a vacation right now, that's why!!! If you don't know what I'm talking about, you need to go read about that in the Concepts pages.....and if you don't know what I'm talking about (cause you haven't read all the concepts), I know you need to do more research before you are ready to make an INFORMED decision about your future!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> it has been almost five months now since my W had her affair and walked out on me and our kids.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Listen, 5 months is practically NOTHING!! Think about when you two were dating....after 5 months, was "the honeymoon" period over? Were you two like TWO OLD MARRIED people??? Not "touching" or dying to touch each other? Taking each other for granted? Ignoring each others' jokes cause you'd heard them one too many times?

HELL NO!!! YOu were still crazy-mad in love!!! Cause you were still experiencing those endorphenes (sp) which the body secretes when you're experiencing that in love feeling! She's still feeling that about om (I know, I know.....please don't BARF all over your keyboard!!) This actual, physical, hormonal feeling has to dissipate before she begins to consider what she is doing, and is it "right."

Right now, IT FEELS SO DA*M right!! That will fade. I promise.

I hope you realize I'm NOT trying to tell you what to do!! All I'm trying to say to you is that there MAY be a way to "save" your M and therefore your family...isn't that worth a little "discomfort" now?

It's not like there's NOTHING you can do in the meantime....you CAN "fix yourself" - work on your "father" skills, your husband skills, your Strike two skills, and make yourself the BEST "strike two" you can be!!

This can't be a bad thing, can it?

How's this sound to ya?