17580

posted June 02, 2003 11:12 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HI all,
Just wanted to give an update. Husband is still doing great. He is the person he was when I first met him. He is very thankful, as was I, that even tho I had given up and had NO feelings left for him, I left room for God to give us another chance.

It took me a long time to trust my feelings with him and to regain any feelings for him. He has worked on rebuilding relationships with our children. I should say building because they never really had any. He tells them he loves them and hugs them and they tell him. It took us all a long time to open up but things are really good now. He is very sincere, makes no demands on us and never raises his voice. He treats me like a queen. I waited for this for 20+ years and did everything I could to make things better so he wouldn't be so abusive. He has shown no signs of abusive behavior at all.

It took giving up to get it back. Even tho at the time I finally gave up, I didn't want it back. I very reluctantly told God I would remain open to work on it if that's the way it should be. H is a very happy person now and it's not anything I'm doing or not doing. The happiness had to come from within himself in finally getting the help he needed. Nothing is ever one sided, and nothing will ever work till both work on it. You cannot demand it, wish it, or manipulate it into happening if both people don't truly want it. On the other hand, if both truly want it, nothing can overcome it. In the traditional wedding vows where it says, "Let no man put assunder" it's talking to the ones taking the vows, not everyone else.

Having said that, I'm not saying my life has been easy or great. We have had many tragedies and disappointments since we began our new committment.It's just so much easier when you have support of each other to get through it.

Miracles do happen...we are proof.My counselor told me she would have NEVER thought I would try again or that it could work. I haven't seen her for 2 months now. I wonder what she is thinking, she is the one who told me to leave and why I should. I don't dissagree with her because I don't think anyone whould stay in the same house with an abusive person. I gave him some pretty stiff stipulations with no room for error. Told him that is the only way it would work. I really didn't think he could or would do it and frankly didn't care. It sounds controling but it was the only way I could give him the chance. If he wanted it bad enough he would pay the price. He must have wanted it...
Free

Just wanted to add, I don't feel like I won, was right, better or knew more. I just knew what I was willing to live with and could not live with. In the end, we both won and nobody lost.

[ June 02, 2003, 11:15 PM: Message edited by: Free ]

--------------------
Today I gave my pain, sorrow and broken dreams to God and He gave me the ability and courage to start over and love again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posts: 301 | Registered: Mar 2002 | IP: Logged

Hi Free,

I just caught your post and I'm glad to hear that everything is still going well with you.

Don't be a stranger... you have some very valuable insight that myself and others can use in our day to day lives.

Keep up the good work, and I'm glad your "H" did the turnaround the way he did... congrats.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

wOW, Free, this is great to hear!

Your post needs to be in the Archives section....to be available to ALL newbies for time immortal.

It is valuable, and a testimony to the TRUTH that NO ONE can "make" another person change until a person is absolutely ready to change themselves.

Thank you for keeping us informed.

I'm sooooooo happy for you.

Love & Prayers for continued success.

Thank you both. There was a time when I was so caught up on focusing on the problems that I lost site of myself. We can want and wish with all our heart for a change or acceptance and litterally waste our lives. It's kind of like worry. It does not change the outcome it just consumes us. It is so good to be out of that mode. Some might say easy for you since things turned out good but I was ready to succeed at being happy, regardless the outcome. Just as we cannot change anybody else, we cannot depend on anybody else for happiness. It has to come from within.
Free

Thanks for another inspiring post! It never occurred to me that the Let no Man Put Asunder part of our wedding vows meant that it was the two of us that decided that!! Very true though.