I hope some of you can shed some light for me. H and I have been together for 13 years. we both have been unfaithful. both were one night stands. mine was one year ago. at that time we briefly seperated, I left. I have been going to therapy for one year. Here is my concern I think he (H) is verbally and emotionally abusive. we have been fighting quite frequently because I know longer allow him to talk down to me, cut my family members down, expect him to respect my private space, expect him to help with kids, house and responsibilties. expect him to respect me and my feelings.
He blames me, says I am overeacting never satisfied, all men are like this, he works 40hrs wk supports family what else do I want?
I am at my witts end, I am so tired of fighting, empty promises, verbal attacks, the silence when its not verbal attacks.
I know he will say to keep trying, he loves me blah blah blah. But I am tired, I am tired of feeling like part of me is dying each day.
I am scared of the future, scared I wont be able to take care of my 2 dear boys 7 & 10.
scared of what he would do.

Hi trishcat,

My wife is feeling the same way that you are. I didnt realize how I have been acting until now. I do believe there are some things that she does to contribute to my actions, but overall I still didnt realize how I have treating my wife. I also love her, and want to fix our marrige. But, she has said that she doesnt have anything left to give. She will file for divorce as soon as we get alittle more stable. I dont think I am in a position to give advice. If I could say anything, it would be dont ignore you feelings, and if you want to work on your marrige, hurry!
Good luck!

Hi Trish!
I survived an abusive relationship after 6 years of suffering. When I filed for divorce, my 2 girls were only 5 yrs old and 9 months old. No it wasn't easy. He tried to ruin my life in so many ways and the financial aspect of it was hard. I worked 2 jobs to make ends meet. Now, my girls are 15 and 10. They are bright and have high self-esteem. I now have 4 kids and single again. Still working 2 jobs to provide for them. I have no qualms whatsoever in leaving that abusive relationship. I can only imagine the effect it would have cost my kids had I stayed. So don't let your fear overule your decisions. Look at your precious boys and see what you can do to make their lives better. When they grow up, they will appreciate the sacrifices you have done.
Shooting Star

Thank you for the feed back. H stopped home on lunch. one minute he says he wants to fix things the next he says he has to decide. He says he is depressed I asked why dont he see someone. He refuses to go to any therapy. I told him we had till the end of the month. I cant keep going on like this. One day trying to hope for us the next day having it crash to the ground.

I know we both messed this marriage up, it wasn't just him or just me. I just dont have any hope left.

I think I have learned so much through therapy and see so many things that are wrong. He will never trust or respect me. He we always blame me. And I do think of my boys. I want them to see healthy attitudes and relationships.

It seems like I have been saying one day at a time for to long and now I need to start looking at a different future.