Hi everyone,
I am on this board because I recently found a picture that my husband accepted and received from netmeeting. I am devestated.
My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years.. I met him on the internet (not in a singles site) Anyway, in the past year every time that I go out of town to visit my friends I come home and his PC's history is completely erased. I looked into this and found porn a few times. He knows that I hate that stuff so he always swears that he was in Kazaa getting music and he "might have opened it" Load of CRAP. Anyway this sime I went away on 5/3 to 5/4 and when I got home his PC had been reformated. I didn't care to look into it but then while he was away on business I went on his PC to print some pictures of my daughter and found a pic that he accepted from a Netmeeting user on 5/4( 3 girls in a club). He swears that he has no clue how it got there, says he may have opened it by accident. I know he's lying. With further research I found the history log of when he was in Netmeeting and it happened to be the night and following morning that I was away. He still says nothing happened.
I feel like if I found this I can only imagine what he's doing. All he says is that he is trying to make a future for us, he loves me, he would never do that to me. He swears that he was in there checking it out for business (He's an IT manager) I know that he is full of crap, it's all about people chatting and porn. I want to leave him... any one out there who's been through the internet cheating and denial? I just want to leave and he wants us to go to therapy but how can we go to therapy if he won't admit to anything?
Thanx

hi sorry about your problems.

have you read any material on here?

Don't you want to work on your marriage?

if not then you need to tell him to leave.
why will you leave? You didn't do anything wrong
he did, he betrayed your trust.

I think they think we are stupid.
they are sorry they get caught. they are not
sorry because they hurt us.

that is the screwy thing. he needs to stop and that is going to be hard to do depending on how often he is looking at that stuff but yes if the history is erased that is a good sign..but then I erase my history alot just after I Come here because my puter boggs down this is old..

is he willing to get help for himself?
or are you fed up with it and can't trust him anymore? I know it disgusts you.

wouldn't it be great if we could all get together and close those places down? they do cause damage to marriages. I believe there is no reason for a married man to be on those sites. looking at some
young girls undressing or web cams live.
most of that stuff is sick.

4 months ago I was getting all kinds of pornographic stuff in my e-mail it kept getting worse and worse and when I got one that had a couple girls butts in my face and giving a guy a
BJ I got rattled and sent it to my congresswomen..lol...told them this picture speaks louder then words and asked them do their kids open mail in the morning on puters because this is what I get..and they probably do too..

oh that WAS my second letter to them more then one senator and congresswomen...the first letter I got was a form back from them..
the second letter was one of shock..and said they will do all they can blah blah..

well you know what I contacted my server when I was first getting the stuff..and they said they can't do anything..to get some software..and I told them when my time runs out with them I am changing servers to one who blocks this stuff,..

not too long after wards I got a letter that they added new software and since that day I haven't gotton any more stuff or junk mail till
today I got a junk mail..shrug for money,

you can change servers and he would not be able to acess it..change to integrity you cannot access playboy or anything offensive and then you will be sure he won't go there accidently..try that..others will have other ideas..

We all can't let these evil places steal marriages and destroy families..anymore..change servers they have e-mail too with software to block out smut.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (I am changing to them in a few months when my sub is up with telcom

http://integrity.com/

Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
He is still denying it and he is still on the couch... I am out of my mind.
Why do we have to put up with the smut? I am sickened by the fact that he is apologizing for looking at the site but swearing that he didn't do anything. Swears it was all work related...
I went in and asked how to receive a pic and was told that I needed to be in a private chat... further proof that he was on a personal level with someone in order to get that pic.
My husband is one of those guys that all of the other women envy me for having.. He's motivated and very intelligent.. What a joke. He is just like most of the rest.
I would love to email some pics to our congresswoman.. good idea <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I don't get any smut in my email because he reformats the PC everytime he does it, so there is absolutely no history. He thinks he's smart but I am smarter. I caught him.. he slipped up.
Thanks for your advice. I do plan to seek counseling. I have a 2 year old daughter that adores her daddy and it just breaks my heart to have to expose her to this... ALL TRUST IS GONE!

What is netmeeting, just a chat room and then they get together somehow?

well I think it is ashame that we can't just
trust them..that they are like lil kids in a candy shop.

what is it..with the human body...isn't it strange? That they get so hot and bothered by looking at a picture..sometimes they can be looking at a picture done with a computer not even a real person in the picture..and same thing.
because they don't know it is a computer generated pic to look like a real women.

but the thing they need to realize it is someones daughter...or sister..tell him it could be his daughter someday think about that one.
would he like men masturbating over her picture.
I should hope not.

Well I do know how you feel but he needs to think
about your feelings and without yelling tell him your feelings or write them out..I found mine payed and got more when I wrote things down for him other then that he would zone out and be thinking of something else..always did that.
I use to test him by changing the subject and say I am going to burn all your electronic books he would say ah ha..or ok when he thought a word was appropriate place here..I thought it was a waste of time to even talk to him anymore

HE didn't get it, and didn't want to get it..
he was unavailable. he was selfish and rude and arrogant etc etc..and my husband and I still loved him but nothing I did changed him..grrr..

well Pray and get councelling and maybe he will go tell him it is the only way you will consider being with him..is for he to have councelling too.
don't give him an option..live in separate rooms then if that is ok with you. keep him around for your little girl if thats what you mean??
I just don't know how to get through to them.
they want their cake and eat it too..was what my therapist and our marriage councellor told me..
sounds like a popular phrase..
take care and don't let him have any cake..
Keep on Keeping on..
I know the answer...and it is GOD!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Blaize:
<strong>He swears that he was in there checking it out for business (He's an IT manager) I know that he is full of crap, it's all about people chatting and porn. I want to leave him... any one out there who's been through the internet cheating and denial? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As someone noted on another board, I look like the queen of this internet crap! Each time my FWH has done this he has sworn up one side and down the other he was not doing it. This from a man who prides himself on his integrity. A phenomenal ability to compartmentalize!

I used a keystroke logger to prove the internet activity, and have kept it on there openly. If he has nothing to hide, then he has no objection to my reviewing his activity. He has slipped a couple of times, but we are pulling through it.

It has taken a lot of work; it took almost two years for him to admit he had a problem, and work to resolve the root of what led him to online relationships. Our only success is because *he* finally agreed to work on the issues - all of my ranting and pleading and proposing solutions did nothing but fall on deaf ears.

Is your husband intentionally engaged in internet relationships or porn? I'd bet a great deal of money on it. Will he continue to deny it even when confronted with proof? I'd take that bet too. Can he recover from it? I'm going with a 50-50 on that one, but particularly with a young child, I think it is worth working on it with everything you've got to try and save the marriage.

Blaize, I can totally relate, as I am in a similar situation. I have also been married a little over 4yrs to a man I met over the internet. He accidentally left the computer logged on to his email one morning after he left for work, and I found an email from a woman..that was pretty straightforward to me, but he denies it to this day. We have quite a history and I have actually posted on this board before, but a very long time ago...Right now I am opting toward leaving, but because of my son I am confused. It sounds like we have alot in common, and I'd like to talk more if you are interested. Good luck with your situation!

Clearing the history is just one of many signs of an internet porn addiction. I agree that the timing of the picture (when you were away from home) is another important clue.

I read a list of about 30 indications that your spouse is addicted to internet porn. It advised that if your spouse was doing 3 or more of the things listed you should confront/discuss. My husband was doing all BUT 3 of the things on the list!

My husband came home irate because a coworker got fired for viewing porn at work - threatened to quit his job he was so angry. That's when the porn started showing up on our home computer, never had any sleazy e-mail problems before that. We started getting really disgusting and graphic e-mails, sometimes a dozen per day. We also started (again for the first time) getting lots of sleaze pop-up ads. Also, he started clearing the history frequently.

He stopped socializing with our friends, staying home by himself. On the rare occasions he did go somewhere with us he'd drive separately, suddenly leave and go home alone. He took lots of naps evenings and weekends then got up when we went to bed.

He's a computer system manager but claimed there was nothing he could do about the porn problem on our computer - everyone has it...

I only tried to talk to him about it a few times, not accusing, and he flipped out: cussing, yelling, throwing and smashing things.

When he moved out it was because he had started to getting physically violent with me, not because of argument over his porn problem. He deleted tons of files from the computer before he moved out. Shortly after he moved out a gal called identifying herself as his "friend" that he met online.

AFTER I told him I had found evidence that he was doing it (sites he had bookmarked & saved files that he missed when deleting stuff), he did admit a couple of times that he looked at some porn online, just denied it was an addiction and defended it is normal thing everyone does and nothing wrong with it.

But in spite of the rare admissions, he usually still denies that he even looked at any porn online, let alone has an addiction.

A person with a porn addiction can become violent so be very careful. If you allow him to stay in your home you need to install some accountability software. If he's innocent he should have no objection to this whatsoever.