My son's senior prom is tonight, he is so excited.

Poor thing is sick, he had a fever last night but it was normal this morning, he has a real bad sore throat. Sent him to doctors to find out it's a virus and they can't do anything for him.

Stbxh called and wanted to know when s will be back to our house for pictures. I told him 4:30 or so, you know kids things change momemt to moment.

He asked how I was doing and I said the same and then he said how sorry he was for all that he has done. I said I wish that word could be enough.

It hurts so bad to hear his voice and tonight I have to be brave and actually see him. I haven't seen him in 2 months. I cry even thinking about it but I have to do this for my son.

Question when we do pictures you take some of the couples of course then the group but we also do mom and dad with son. Do I just go with the flow? I know I have to but I'm so... raw. I hate this!!!

Stbxh has no problem with any of this because he wants us to be "friends". I'd want to be my friend too! I did NOTHING wrong he on the other hand cheated and had oc and kept the secret for 3 years. All along making me believe we were really happy. I was total taken my surprise, the wife is always the last to know.

Stbxh also told be his oc has to have tubes in her ears and that might help with her speech problem. She is a little over 2 years old and doesn't talk very well might be autistic(sp?) He also said that his family has asked to meet her.

I would do the same if I was them but why does it feel like a betrayal. It hurts so much to hear that statement. I feel she has replaced me, I can't believe I'm jealous of a 2 year old.

I go up three steps and then come down four, I just don't want to care any more but I miss my stbxh, my old life, my happiness. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't take him back too much damage has been done.

But knowing he is loving this child and not me kills more than I can handle sometimes. It being a girl hurts because we always wanted a girl and even thought about adoption. The pain is unbearable, I just can't get over this is happening to me.

So he will be at my house and I have to act like I am fine. The only reason I would put myself though this is for our s he needs to know I'm okay. He was going to meet his father somewhere else but I said don't be silly I'll be fine.

He saw too much and he needs to not be in the middle. It's so not fair to him! Thanks stbxh!!!
I also have his graduation on Sunday. Ugh!! A time that is suppose to be such a milestone ends up being something for me just to get though.

I just needed to talk,

Thanks LJ

lj,
I follow your threads because I feel we have a lot in common. Not sure I can help, as I have only been separated a little longer than you (since first of Feb.).
I am not sure I am understanding...Who says you have to take a picture with H and son (and date)?
When my daughter went to prom 3 years ago, my husband and I took separate pictures with her. Then again, maybe he wasnt as involved with our daughter's life as your H is with your son. As for me, I followed her around with a camera from having hair done, to getting dressed, to getting in the limo... heck, I even chaparoned the prom (at HER request), and spent the weekend at a beach house with a bunch of teenagers. My H didnt care to be involved in any of this. Then again, he was always too busy hunting and fishing to be too involved in anything in my kids lives. I guess what I am trying to say is... if you dont HAVE to take a picture with H and son, DONT.
Now, on the subject of H just wanting to be your friend... I am also hearing this over and over until I think I just want to puke. I am sorry, I cant be my H's friend. Others may not agree with me, I realize it is suggested that you do everything to be as pleasant as possible and be their friend. Maybe I am starting to realize this marriage may not be worth saving. Cant believe those words are coming out of my mouth after being married to the man for 23 years. I asked my counselor about this. Now some may not agree with her either, but she said I dont HAVE to be his friend. She explained to me that sometimes it is easier to be married than to be a friend. If you husband is being a jerk, you try to work though it because of the marriage committment. But if your friend is being a jerk, it can be easier to give that friendship up. All I can think is that a "FRIEND" wouldnt be doing to me what my H is doing to me. You've heard the statement "with friends like that, who need enemies". That is how I feel.
So maybe I am wrong in my feelings, but is sounds like you are feeling some of the same.
Maybe a long time MBer can help us here!
Just wanted you to know you are not alone.
Hugs,
I think I can let him go.

lj1122,

OK, not sure if this will help or if you feel God in your life, but this quote really helps me out from time to time... It is from Mother Teresa

The Final Analysis

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
...Forgive them anyway!

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
...Be kind anyway!

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
...Succeed anyway!

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
...Be honest and frank anyway!

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
...Build anyway!

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
...Be happy anyway!

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
...Give the world the best you've got anyway!

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;

It was NEVER between you and them anyway...

Mother Teresa (1910 - 1997)

--------------------------------------------
I can't tell you how many times I come back to this poem. In fact it is on my computer's desktop screen. If you really focus on the words, it is so true... And while it doesn't FIX anything really, it helps you lift yourself up to another level, above all the garbage we sometimes find in this world...

I hope this helps... at least a little... I'm so sorry for your pain. One day at a time. It has been a little more than 2 years for my divorce and while its effects can still be seen, my emotions for my X have disappeared to the point that I only wish her well in life...

God bless,
Mike

Well, I'm back and anticipation is always worst than the reality. Everything went great stbxh showed up at house right from work and looked like hell. (hee hee) Not his fault for he does work construction but he was so grubby he didn't want to be in any pictures.

My sons date looked great and he looked so.... handsome. I remembered my prom then stopped myself because I went with stbxh.

CLHG- thank you for your thoughtfulness and kind words I'm sorry you have so much in common with me. But it is nice to know I have someone who understands what I am going through. I'm sorry for your pain!

ST2000- I thought that poem was beautiful and I read it over twice. I would love to say I am at peace with God but him and I are have our problems. I should say I am having the problem but I hope to find him again. Thank you for just being here.

Funny when I saw stbxh I felt nothing. I told him about things I need help around the house with like door sticking and spraying the foundation. But I felt nothing I actually am smiling right know. It feels good not to cry over him and I(we) let our son know that we can be in the same room. This is a big step for us(me).

Pray that s gets home safe.

LJ