I just got off the phone with my mother. Her sister just passed away from cancer. My aunt was like a second mom to me. It is so sad.

I think I am going to drive up to North Dakota for the funeral.....I wish my Husband was here to love and support me. I am afraid this is just the beginning of many losses to come in the next few years. This is so hard....I feel like my life is just so sad lately.

At least she is in a better place....I am so tired of all this tragedy. Why does life have to be so hard....I am tired of loss...Pat

(((((((((( mnm )))))))))))

I am sorry you are hurting. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I don't know what else to say. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Karen

Thanks Karen,

I just feel so empty tonight....have you ever felt like just giving up....I feel like I struggle so much anymore...

It is just that trying to keep the kids going, the house up, the yard up and get through all the pain and heartache...it seems overwhelming at times.

The one bright spot is that I am teaching summer school...and so far it has been so much fun. I am tired tho---and emotionally, I just feel broken.

I had to write to my ex mother-in-law tonight. She has been communicating with my kids--all four of them. Trying to convince them to come up to Maine for their 50th wedding anniversary celebration. My 17 year old showed me her email today...it really is cohersive. I, of course, was not invited to this shingig...but the way she described the celebration with "all of the family being there---they would so miss not having the kids there too". Ouch...that hurt big time. I haven't heard a thing from her.

How do you get over feeling like a victim? That is what I feel like anymore...I hate it. I am tired of running into my ex and his bimbo. I am tired of sharing my kids with them, I am tired of dealing with my ex brother and sisters in law who think I should be over this by now, I am tired, tired, tired. God, I never thought my life would be so awful....WHY?????

How do I get over feeling like a victim?

Gee... I'm not there yet! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> In my situation, I just smile, and think of how "payback's a b!tch", and H is going to get paid back BIG... one of these days. Vengeful thinking CAN be healthy, you know! hehehe... as long as you do NOT act on it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I can relate to you about the "family" get togethers though. That is affecting me now, and it does hurt. When you hear about "divorce", you don't get reminded how when you D your spouse, you also D his family at the same time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I've read your threads about the upcoming anniversary party. Personally, I liked your idea of going with the kids, and renting a hotel room for the night. That's IF they want to go. Have you talked to them about it more?

I'm currently reading a book called "What About The Kids?: Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce" by Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee. It talks about SO MANY changes to the family dynamics...and how many kids try to keep one (or both) parents from being hurt. Try to remove your personal feelings from your H's family, and do what's best for the kids. If they want to go, you should encourage them to do so, and help them out (again... the hotel room sounds good). But also don't force them to go either.

AUGH!! For those who think you should be over this by now... tell them to take a hike! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> (not literally of course). You know how every person takes different times to heal. Some take longer than others. And for those who haven't been through the situations... well... IMO, they have NO RIGHT to tell you how and when you should deal with it. GRRR!!!! That's just ignorance at it's peak, I think.

I'm not sure if your life is so awful. I think it's just DIFFERENT now. But then again... you know your situation best.

Have you tried making the conscious effort to "let go" of the situation? I'm finding that it's not happening on its own... and I have to TELL myself to "let go and let God". Plus, I'm on anti-d's again... and they help immensely too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> How about you?

Karen

Thanks Karen,

I know...you sound so sensible tonight...thank you. I think I am just tired.

I know I should let the kids go...but emotionally, I don't think I could handle it well at this time. My youngest two spent Christmas with their grandparents and bimbo and Jimbo. In fact, he got to keep them for 3 extra days there because of weather.

I don't think I can think of their interests at this time. It is being selfish, I know. My ex has been hitting the booze, though. He had another awful confrontation with my 17 year old about 2 weeks ago. It wasn't good. She would definitely go if they weren't going to be there. I know all the kids would have fun with all their cousins and uncles and aunts.

I don't know. They are going to camp right before and after the anniversary...and they both have softball and baseball and swim team...who knows.

Thanks tho. Pat

Pat, I am sorry for your loss. It is so hard when loved ones die and we don't have that person with us that we are use to going to in our need for the love and support we are use to them giving to us!

I had a terrible fight with my brother last Thursday, he is here visiting for my OD graduation. Needless to say he is leaving in the morning and has not said goodbye!! It's not that I won't it's that he is not giving me the opportunity. But the first thing I wanted to do after I got home from my mom 's that night was to call Gerry and talk to him and have him validate my feelings of anger and loss, to comfort me and to tell me that everything was going to be ok!!! I didn't call, I really wanted to though!!!

Where in North Dakota is it that you are going if you go for the funeral? Let me know if you can, I am in SD.

Take care,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

oh yeah here is my e mail addy notinsd2001@yahoo.com

MM, I'm sorry for your loss.

It seems that new losses reopen the wound of the loss of the marriage. I wish I could tell you how to "get over it" but I'm not there yet. I'm considering looking into grief counseling to see if it will help me.

Take care MM

Pat,

I am very sorry for your loss - and I totally understand your feelings of being overwhelmed - that happens to me all to often - I wake up and think my god what did I do to deserve this??? I mean really I am not even sure that we would ever take these men back but by them leaving us and putting us through this hell and just going on with life like they don't have a care in the world... Tends to really screw up how we as the BS feels and reacts.... My mother in law - well she really isn't his real mother but anyways - she doesn't even speak to me anymore and she just thinks it is horrible how my family only says hi and bye to my ex and are not best friends with them.. It definately hurts to be just dropped by people that have been family for over twenty years - and when are we going to stop caring I don't know - but as you know - the days of being obsessed and depressed are actually coming fewer and further between aren't they...??? My ex sees my two girls 10/13 on Friday nights from 6:00-pm to Saturday at 2:00pm and he thinks he is wonderful - I am telling him that he is loosing them but he doesn't get it??? And you know what he is never going to... I think that when they betrayed us and left us and screwed with our heads - that our children know all of this - they know that we are the stable parent that never deserved any of this - at all... And that in the long run we are going to be the ones with the healthy relationships with our children and they are just going to be clueless forever - we have to find someone eventually that is going to fulfill the emptiness we feel - What happened to that man that you were seeing???? I just hope that you can pull yourself out of this minor setback... And remember that we did nothing wrong and that we cannot change them - sure we can be hurt, and or angry but we have to stop letting it consume us - Someday we are going to wake up - and what to thank them for letting us go - because we will truly be happy again - that is what I am thinking..... Stay strong... Mimi