My wh left 3 weeks ago - my request - long story -I guess I am still trying to Plan A. What kind of boundaries are necessary? I am having a hard time not knowing where he is or what he is doing so I guestion him and then get upset at the answers.

He still works with ow - who supposedly took herself out of the picture - he had to take his vehicle to the garage yesterday and guess who he had pick him up to take him back to work. I of course had to ask and then hated the answer and cried in front of him. I don't understand why it had to be her - supposedly she was the one who was available. I honestly don't think there is anything going on with them now but know the possibility is there. It was an e/a for them both but seemed to be stronger for my wh.

Are there any seperated folks out there that still continue to have sf with their ws? I know he isn't sleeping with anyone else. Is this a good idea? I think it's me that wants to more than him.

Any other advice would be appreciated.

T.T.H.O.

Are you definitely divorcing? If not, move over to the EN board. And begin a good Plan A.
You are LB'g and it goes against getting back together if that's what you want.
And there are separated people doing SF, not me.

Decide what you really want. You are still trying to control his actions/time by asking these quesitons. When you learn to detach, you will become more attrative to him, and worry less about his whereabouts.
Good Luck.

Newly,
I am almost certain that we will be divorcing. He doesn't see reconciliation as a possibility. I am still hopeful that will happen but have no expectations. Should I still move to EN board?

I know that asking these questions isn't right but I just can't seem to stop myself. If I don't ask then I dwell and it seems to be worse. I will try and be better about that.

Thanks for the reply.

I think you'll find more people in a similar situation on the EN board. I read both even though my M is definitly over.

If you want reconciliation, I strongly suggest Plan A. Even if it doesn't work, you will know that you tried your best to make it work, and it will give you peace later in life. If you don't try now, you will always wonder - won't you. Also check out - how one of you can bring the two of you together. An article on the concepts site.

Good luck to you.

Hey there!
Newly has a point about the EN board; however, you also "qualify" for posting here AND on the Plan A/Plan B board as well. I know you'd rather qualify for the finals of the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes!

You can post wherever it seems applicable for that post, just remember that in certain areas, people know more of your background and story than others.

I know it's hard to detach, and not be sucked into the mess he's making of his life right now. Have you re-read about Plan A & B? Refresh your knowledge by reading them, because I think you probably should be in Plan B now. Has he given you any indication of a timeline for D ?

<small>[ June 05, 2003, 01:12 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Hi Avondale,
No timeline at all. I think money is an issue right now for us both. I am beginning to think that I belong on all of these boards that's how confused I am.

I don't think I am ready for Plan B yet - I wish that we lived in a huge city where I would have a better chance of not seeing him but in a town of about 1000 it's not that simple. If I am going to Plan A then I need to be able to see him too. So not sure what to do. I did post to the EN's board and will do the Plan A/Plan B board also.

Thanks for the reply.
TTHO

<small>[ June 05, 2003, 01:16 PM: Message edited by: T. T. H. O. ]</small>

My comments weren't meant to throw you off the D/D board, but were intended to send you to where you could get the best support.
There are a few people who belong on D/D but refuse to leave EN. Although I shouldn't name names, GSN & Debdesign should take note.

I am confident that my M would not have survived. I have learned that even better by communicating with others on these boards. I doubt I will have regrets, other than "why did I marry this type in the first place?".

Good luck to you and find peace. See a counselor if you need it. It is extremely important that you take care of your mental and physical health.

Newly,
I really did appreciate your advice about the EN forum - I didn't feel like I was being kicked off the DD forum.
I am seeing a counselor- she was off for a month and a half because of a death in her family so I didn't have her during the worst part in all of this but she was able to see me last week and I will be going next week. I do appreciate the support this forum offers. Thanks again
TTHO

I also strongly suggest local separated/divorced support groups. Mine was and is still extremely helpful to me, and I enjoy the social (non-dating) aspects of getting together with other adults.

Good Luck.