Feeling very numb right now, do we ever really move on with our lives, after everything he has done to me, he easily moves on with a happy life, Bitter? yes I am, having a difficult time coping. Advice Anyone....

Makes me wonder if he hid money, or could be OW's.

Yeah...its tough....my situation is that I was the BS. My EX wanted to separate after I exploded one night.....having clues of her affair. Within 3mo. we were divorced and OM had keys to my home (that I had built), gate opener to the neighborhood, and was cooking dinner in my kitchen and was standing on the tile floor I just had layed down, and was listening to my Home Theater that I built!!!!! I find myself being bitter about that sometimes, but I get over it because I realize Im in a better relationship and have alot to be thankful for. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Those who "run" out of a divorce ARE NOT doing better than you. You are facing your emotions, your fears, your pain. They are only trying to forget, to bury their feelings. It may look great on the outside, but inside it will be eating away at them for sometime. Like a cancer.

Don't let them fool you. And know that they are taking all their "problems" with them into any/all new relationships...

Focus on bettering you - face your demons and overcome them. THEN when you are whole again, you will look back and realize how far you have come and how they probably haven't grown at all.

It probably isn't much comfort to you now, but I PROMISE one day you will see things from a completely different perspective - most likely when you find that healthy relationship you deserve! For now just take it one day at a time..

Be strong and work through your feelings...
God bless,
Mike

Thanks, helps a lot being here. Sometimes I feel like do they ever get what they deserve, just feels like no justice was done, not from the court or in this world.

Sometimes I feel like do they ever get what they deserve
Absolutely!

He got someone who would marry a person who actually ran out on their spouse!

She got someone who actually ran out on their spouse!

Dr Phil says,
"If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you!"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>Sometimes I feel like do they ever get what they deserve
Absolutely!

He got someone who would marry a person who actually ran out on their spouse!

She got someone who actually ran out on their spouse!

Dr Phil says,
"If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you!"</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Amazing.....that is one of the greatest things I have ever read Chris. My EX and the OM both were married with kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

sounds like they deserve each other.

get on with your life and don't look back.
your young enough to go to school and get a
good paying job there are alot of programs for
displaced homemakers now to help them learn computer skills, a good job is medical transcribing. you can do that from home.

Take care and you will be ok..life actually is a lot more simple don't you think without a man
around>?

I feel so right now. I use to do it all anyway so now it is just me. taking care of just me.
I sort of wished we got separated when we were younger when the kids were small...but you know about what they say about hinsight.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God bless and remember the Lord is there for you!
HE will never leave nor forsake you.
neither does He condem you! He loves you unconditionally. (something your spouse did not do)
Keep on Keeping on.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

yeah, you guys are right, he may have OW, house, car but I do think they get what they deserve. I don't think he's happy. He sent an email last week that I was teaching my daughter not to play with OW, etc. I told him to stop making up stuff. Today, I get another email, arguing. If he was so happy, why would he want to continuously fight with me through email. What are your thoughts? I wish he would leave me alone and stop accusing me of stupid things.

Nezi,

Sorry for your situation. I am praying ok?

My honest opinion on the arugements???The WS always has to have a scapegoat with regard to blame. He has to feel justified that he was "forced" to leave, marry ow to be happy, etc...Yea pure fog but the lies they justify to the world about their sins of destroying a family. And I get the same thing...poisoning my son @ Ms. Family Values.

Just remember, try to not even respond. The M is over. Like another poster said, he's just now beginning to deal with everything. And his issues with you aren't even dealt with, b/c he ran to OW.

It won't last, I am sure. But he is using the arguements to justify all he's done so the world doesn't condemn them as much. Like this..."She was a manipulative, controlling woman and I couldn't live with that horror anymore. And even now she's telling her child bad things about my wife." PRobably saying something like that. How do I know? Been accused of same thing.

It's ok. Let them revel in the fog. Take refuge in living a good life and letting your daughter see the truth. She probably already knows what her daddy did and this woman is only an OW. A transient step parent at best. OW/W won't be around long when the dust of the sin settles. You can be sure of that. But hopefully you'll be already off to a brand new happy life by then...

I always imagine what would happen if JEthro crawled back...I'd kick him to the curb.

Stay strong. Have as little contact, plan B, to do with you xH. What a jerk.

nezi,

Sorry for your pain. To answer your question, why does he keep trying to start an argument with the emails, could be

He needs the triangle dynamic. There's anger and discontent inside him. Gotta be. The triangle was ongoing during his affair, and he got used to the friction. In fact, the friction may have been one element keeping the affair "hot."

Without bouncing hostility off of you, and getting something back as a reaction, the anger would have to be let out on the other point of the triangle. (The OW)

That could be dangerous, it could cause [more] problems between them. And be assured, they ARE having problems. If you respond, and he talks about it with OW, the 2 of them are allied against a common enemy. Sick, but it glues them together.

If you don't take the bait, that discontent and irritation finds another outlet. Where? They have to deal with each other.

From the outside it looks good. But like Oscar Wilde's "The picture of Dorian Gray," the real corruption is inside.

Oh, and the Dr. Phil comment? Excellent!

Hi-
Your story sounds a lot like mine. My ex H married OW (my old best friend) 4 days after our divorce was final, and that was only 6 weeks after our last final separation!!! They are living a pretty extravagent lifestyle, and both gave up their kids. Both sets of kids visit them 4 days a month. They have been promoted to prestigious, high paying jobs, and have it made in their minds, since they don't bear the brunt of child raising, but get to play parent enough to make them feel good about themselves. My ex H sounds a lot like yours, in that he would e-mail me attacking me about stupid things. At first I was outraged and would defend myself and respond with smartly worded e-mails. Then I realized he was getting the reaction he wanted out of me, and that he was attacking me to make himself feel better about his choices. I made a sign to go on my computer that said "Do not engage" and stuck to it. Anytime he tried to say something accusatory or to rile me up, I completely ignored it and didn't respond. I would only discuss the children, and didn't sway from that. He tried for a while to pull me in, but when I stayed completely on topic, professional, and unemotional, he stopped trying. It made my life MUCH easier. It has been about 20 months now, and it is amazing how little I care about whether or not he is happy. My sense of justice is appeased by the thought of him getting his when it comes to the whole heaven thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Good luck - I know how hard it is, but take heart because things get much easier!!

Thanks, you guys are very helpful.

my thought on this...

in their relationship they were use to having sex and beyond that you were their topic of conversation and now your divorced and they need to pick at you do they have something in common other then sex!!

what do you think?
they deserve each other do not put up with his disrespect any more your divorced.
remind him of it. tell him.

I do not want to have any disrespectful conversations about us. keep the conversation on the child/children other then that there is nothing to talk about, say your getting on with your life and he is not in it other then being the childrens father..
tell him you really gotta go..is what they did to us when we wanted them to talk to us to discuss things always had to hang up..or gotta go..lol..
hugs for you
you will survive..

take care..
keep on keeping on.

nezi, ITSOVER, WhoamInow -

OUCH!
Shameful selfishness.
Aren't you glad you got rid of such jerks?

My daughters are 17, 15, and 11 years old. They complain plenty (to me) about us not having money for things while he buys himself a new truck. My husband's 2nd favorite topic when he calls us is how we can cut back on our expenditures (so there's more left over for him and his bimbos to spend no doubt). He imagines our daughters don't know what's going on... delusional. The two younger daughters sometimes want to see him but they've lost respect for him.

I heard something on the radio this morning that went something like:
What you eat can harm your health
And so can what's eating you.

I feel mighty bitter sometimes (sometimes several times per day). But I (try to) think of other things that I have to be happy about.

The truth about your husband and the OW. Their marriage won't last. So the euphoria and illusion will end. They lusted for each other and now have to find something to vent their mysterious actions on, and that is you. Now that you are not married, they are married, they are playing their game, but no one is there to play back. So venting is their game.

You are doing great, with the little note by your computer. Don't play into their game. The marriage will not last, and they know deep inside that it won't last. Just hold out. And yes, your husband is still your husband even though the paperwork says otherwise. His pay will come when he goes to heaven.

It is hard, when you see someone else in the place that you should be. It is hard knowing that someone else is using all the dreams you two had. The pain is real, and you need to move on.

As far as going to school. Could be a good job waiting out there for you. SadEyes, seems to have some insight into medical opportunities. As far as going back to school. I am going to start in the fall at University of Mich. in Dearborn. It is for displaced homemakers, and battered wives. It is called Women moving on! Hopefully, I will beable to get something under my belt.

This is difficult, when your husband has been the breadwinner all these yeras. He will always make more money than you. And that hurts. Cause most men don't see where you should get anymore than alimony. I know, am there now. SNL keeps telling me you will get x amount of money. I once read all the threads here about how he would always take care of me financially, emotionally, and etc. Yep, talk is short, actions are long.

Good people will get their chance in life. You are a good woman, with a fine mind, and the opportunity to move ahead.

What great thoughts here.

Bellevue, I love that triangle dynamic and the truth to that stings. Great insight and I will definitely keep it up front to think about. We (BS) did make the affair more appealing and mysterious. So glad I am out of the triangle.

ITSOVER---wow my heart goes out to you. You definitely have lost many things you put your soul into. So glad you are happy now. I was just at our house last week and I had a few minutes alone there. As I reflected on each aspect of the house that we decided on when we built it, it really pierced my soul. I am in the process of signing over the deed to our house and getting my share and it is an oucher, for sure. You really had to let go and let God. Talk about feeling like someone ripped all your hopes an dreams away from you and used them for themself. EGADS.

Nezi---I often think that my WS is having a ball. He never calls or contacts me so I think he is out living it up but in reality, his life is so hard now. Trying to keep up with work, financial struggles, maintaining and cleaning the house and then to keep the OW (who is 28 YO) happy. He is a paraplegic and it takes him hours to do some things that we could do in a half hour so he is exhausted. BUT he can escape from reality so I wonder if he will ever know he is hurting????

TW

I love this support group. Get this, Saturday I was not home when ex called. However, when I called him he did not pick up. We get one phone call per day to talk to daughter when she is with the other parent. Sunday, when he called, i asked to talk to anisah, he threw a fit asking where I was Saturday, I told him I wanted only to talk to anisah, and I was not home therefore i had called him. He seemed more upset not knowing where I was then daughter not talking. things that make you wonder. confusing! Everything you guys tell me is correct. Their hot topic of conversation is ME. If they no longer have ME to talk about, wonder what will happen.

Hi Faith4me,

I recently read (probably at this site) that only 5% of marriages that start with adultery last. (And who knows how many adulterous affairs even get as far as marriage?) Foolish people - what ARE they looking for in a mate? Somebody they KNOW will fool around? Sheesh!

It's a bummer about the way some try to squirm out of their financial obligations too. I will try to remember that his stinginess might be a way for him to force me to communicate with him, to have to negotiate with him, abd to give him an excuse to complain to bimbo(s) about me.

My husband literally still is my husband. He called a sister-in-law a s--- when she went on a cruise with another man a couple of days before her divorce became final... but he justifies his 'dating' even though our divorce won't be final until September.

(Oh, and BTW, I was born in Dearborn, Michigan.)