Dear MB Family,

I know I have been exceedingly quiet on the postslately, but I am right in the middle of moving and my second full week at my new job. One of my kids is out of school, and the other is still in school until tomorrow...so in the middle of driving to and from school and working all day, we are trying to pack! OY VEY! It's hectic! I barely have time to breathe.

In addition to all this stress, my exH has decided to go off on a manic, raging tangent again (at the worst possible time!). I'm alreay pretty stressed with moving and a new job and kids getting out of school for the summer, etc. plus, I just hate moving. It makes me feel all unsettled and up-in-the-air inside. I much prefer the steady dependability of being settled!! So, while I'm already fairly stressed and emotional, my exH has decided to make all kinds of threats about my kids being with my mom (their grandmother) while she comes for a visit this summer. He has threatened to get an injunction to prohibit me from having her visit (yeah, right) and threatened to get a restraining order (she'd be happy to stay the heck away from him!!)--all kinds of cr*p. PLUS, he decided he had enough money to buy his season football tickets but not enough for child support this month (which of course I was depending on to help pay for the move). Now he had promised me before that the house would close BEFORE we move, so that I could use that money for moving money--and of course it is closing AFTERWARD so I had to scramble. Then, when I manage to scrap the money together to just get us moved in there, he decides he doesn't have enough money to pay child support. I swear to God, he does not get it!!! And every time I try to just TALK to him about it or ask him a question (civilly, calmly) he just goes BALLISTIC! I keep telling myself, "It is reasonable to expect to be able to ask a question about his plan to pay timely without being verbally, emotionally, or mentally abused."

I'm sorry he does not like to hear that he has abandoned his children for seven months. I'm sorry that he has lived on thousands a month while the three of us (the kids and I) lived on less than $1k all this time!! I'm sorry that he has chosen to be an irresponsible parent and not pay his court-ordered child support timely! That is not my problem!!!! If he doesn't want to hear it, then he can be responsible...that's my opinion. Also, before anyone suggests it, I have already decided that I am not going to go through this every month--waiting for days past due, then being afraid to even ASK about it, then having my head ripped off if I do ask. Nope, I'm having it garnished. Let the courts and the Child Support Enforcement get it from him...I don't mind waiting and the peace of mind is well worth it. This method just keeps another option open for him to try to abuse/control me and I just won't have it.

Anyway, as I said, this comes at the worst possible time. Any normal, civil, decent human would realize that the kids and I are already under enough stress and not add more, but not my exH. No, this is the time he has chosen to become ballistic, threatening, unreasonable, threatening, demanding, and mean. This is the time he has chosen to pretend to be a concerned parent, while simultaneously not spending any time with his own children or paying child support. Honestly, it's not surprising at all. This is absolutely consistent with his pattern of bipolar, borderline personality disorder, and narcissistic tendencies. It's as if we do not even exist in his world, and if we dare to remind him that we're here, WE are the monsters!!! This is also absolutely consistent with his controlling nature and attempts to disregard even the most basic court orders and just do whatever he wants whenever he wants (just like Peachy's Jethro) with no consequences.

Well, I'm dealing with the stress of it all as best as I can. Mainly I am speaking to him as VERY LITTLE AS POSSIBLE and just doing what I have to do. However, the fact is, it is starting to get to me. I'm tired, physically and emotionally, and I would appreciate any prayers or hugs you'all could send. Our family will be moving Saturday morning, and we will have electricity but no phones until Tuesday, so I may be off-line after Saturday for a few days. In the meantime, if you would like my new address please email me at my hotmail address and I'd be happy to send it to ya. My phone numbers stay the same, so contacting me should still be easy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks!!

CJ

{{{CJ}}}

Have a safe move, and as far as garnishing his wages, just remember that it does make one less hassle you have to deal with, and if he choses to be late, they have a full arsenal in which to back up those payments without you ever having to be involved.

The things I have learned these past 3 years <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Do you remember an old movie about Marco Polo when they put him in the glass bell? Wouldn't it be nice if we had a magic wand to "bell" the exes when they go off in tirades? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Lori

CJ,

Have you gone to "harold" with this? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
(harold right? Isn't that what you used to call Him?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Seriously, I will say a big prayer for you. When I left MB a few years back, I remember you going through the same things, so I can only imagine how drained you are from all this.

God has better things in store for you! I promise!! And not to be too cliche, but it really, really is darkest before the dawn...
It wasn't too long ago that I had been there myself.

Be strong and ask God to come into your life right now and just TAKE OVER completely. Tell him that you are running on empty and that you CAN'T do it by yourself - that you need His help. And I promise you will be filled with the wisdom and energy to get you through this stressful period!

God Bless!
mike

Hi Faithful,

Just imagine the beauty of your new life, in your new place, once the move is over. I guess this is his last hurrah. He may be anxious and even may recognize on some level that with you gone, he won't have a blame target for his actions. And you will have peace!

CJ - I know you are eager to have a home to which he has no key!!!! If you run across the ambasador, he has a message for you. He will tell you that you should be proud of yourself and you should know that you are a wonderful person. Just like you are.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SoTired2000:
<strong>CJ, Have you gone to "harold" with this?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Howard" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

"Our Father, Who art in heaven, Howard is thy name..." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Boy, have I ever!! It's the coolest thing. I know that God really wants me at THIS job and at THIS new townhouse, because I was praying to Him, "I'm trusting You to get me in here if you want me here" and sure enough... My grand total for moving (rent, deposits, trucks, etc.) was a couple thousand dollars (which I didn't have) but lo and behold--I got my first paycheck yesterday, and some people paid me money they owed me, and my family gave me some money...I was TEN DOLLARS OVER!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Isn't Howard awesome??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>When I left MB a few years back, I remember you going through the same things, so I can only imagine how drained you are from all this.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, you know what Mike? It's a funny thing. Years ago when you left MB, my exH was ranting and raving like he does now...the main difference is that years ago I took it personally and he succeeded in hurting me almost every time.

Now, I usually just shrug and feel sorry for him that he has so much rage and unhappiness in his life. His rants are just him screaming--so much hot air--and nothing more. They are his way of expressing how hurt and messed up HE IS inside. I know now that it's not me (it never was) and there is NOTHING more I could have done. By God, you know me, Mike, and I really and truly did more than is humanly possible. So, usually I see his ranting like third person impersonal almost--it's different. Last night though...I was tired. Tired of working all day and packing all night and worrying about money and just ALL OF IT.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>God has better things in store for you! I promise!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, yay! Don't I know it!! Actually, I took possession of the townhouse tonight, and guess what? It was all quiet and clean and PRETTY, and I can't wait to move in there tomorrow. I AM looking forward to my new life in the new place at the new job! I am lucky to say that I love my life and I'm almost ecstatically happy most of the time. I'm looking forward to getting settled though. I'm a big time nester, and I like to know where stuff is in my nest and have my nest SETTLED! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Be strong and ask God to come into your life right now and just TAKE OVER completely. Tell him that you are running on empty and that you CAN'T do it by yourself - that you need His help. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know what's funny? Last night, after I posted, I just decided to go to bed. I knew I was tired, but I couldn't sleep and my heart was pounding and my mind was racing...finally, I prayed, "Okay, God, it's Yours. You take care of this. I know You want me and the kids there and I know you want me to trust in You so I just will. It's Yours." Shortly thereafter, I felt peaceful and fell asleep.

Well, I'm off to bed! Tomorrow's the big day!!

CJ

<small>[ June 07, 2003, 12:07 AM: Message edited by: FaithfulWife ]</small>

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Oh the places you will go!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
Mike