This is what my wife(WS) wrote below to me in an email based upon our conversation we had last night. What does someone think about what she is saying? Any input... This just adds to the pain with what she is saying. Am I just not reading between the lines?

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Hi Neil -

It's obvious that last nights conversation did not go at all the way I had hoped it would. My intent was NOT to call you and argue about anything, my intent was to simply call you and let you know what I have found as a financially better solution to you and I getting a divorce. No matter what, bottom line is that I know I want the divorce and from talking with you last night I have no idea what your expectations are from me. I have been straight forward with you all along and I have told you for the past 12 months that I wanted a divorce. I am confused where you are coming from by telling me that I am "rushing" this whole process. It has been almost 2 years now since yours and mine relationship has fallen apart (whether that was my fault or not should really not be even the topic any more). I will apologize for the rest of my life for hurting you and for leaving you, but that is what my heart felt and I followed through with my feelings. I don't hate you, I never hated you. I am very scared that this divorce process will end up leaving us in a situation where we won't be able to feel anything but hate for one another. I realize that I have distanced myself from you, but that is what happens when people break up and when they go their separate ways. I can't be there for you and talk to you as if nothing has happened and pretend to be a friend to you when I am the one hurting you. I feel that with time there is a possibility that you and I could have some kind of a friendship, but if either one of us feels that's not possible, than we'll have to re-evaluate at that time. Bringing your family and mine into this whole break-up really does no good Neil. I don't understand why you constantly have to bring up your Mom into the conversation of our divorce, what does she have to do with you and I breaking up? What do my parents and how you feel about them have to do with us breaking up? What does me smoking or not smoking have to do with us breaking up? I just don't understand why you can't bring yourself to look at this whole situation more realistically and just realize that it's better for your sake and for mine to go through with this divorce and move on with our lives. I don't mean to sound harsh and blunt, but I feel that it's necessary to be as brutally honest here about everything as possible. Going in circles and discussing issues that have been discussed several times before is really not going to change anything between us, it'll just make us both aggravated and frustrated. Again, I am sorry from the bottom of my heart for hurting you and for hurting anyone in your family. Unfortunately when people break up there will be broken hearts and sadness.
With all this said I wanted to finish this email off by giving you the link to the webpage that I have looked at for the on-line divorce. I feel that this is the more financially suitable option for both of us and I beg you to please think about it and consider it. Please, lets not start hating each other and destroying any hope of having some kind of a friendship in the future. Lets please both try and be adults about this whole situation and do it in a civil manner.

Sounds like the end of the road......especially after all this time and she still wants the divorce. Grant her wish. Sorry to hear this, it always makes me sad when someone just gives up.

God Bless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

no kids, 2 years, grant her the divorce

wiftty

OK. Now I'm going to confuse you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I suggest you don't grant her a thing. If she wants the divorce, let her go get it. But "DO", do one thing - stop calling her, stop emailing her, stop EVERYTHING right now. Let her go. IF there is ANY chance at re-uniting, it will never happen if you continue your course of action. Get and read Tough Love by Dobson - It will be of great help to you I think.

E-mail her back that you don't believe in the divorce but that you won't stand in its way. That you will be getting an attorney just to help you understand what is involved, but NOT to go after her. Let her think what she wants - she will most likely think you are going to get nasty, I can almost "read" it in her email to you. Besides THAT is what all her friends and family are telling her is going to happen. I challenge you to make them ALL wrong. Don't resort to anger, but stop trying to hold-on.

By the way, if you think you can't afford an attorney, you can... Many attornies realize what you are going through and will allow you to spread their payments out over a long period of time. I still owe my attorney a few hundred dollars and it has been 2 years...

ANYTHING is possible, but you can't beat this down into nothing, which is what you might be doing by talking about the same issues. NOW mind you, I did the same EXACT thing when we separated. But I stopped and began switching gears. I stopped emailing, writing, calling... I stopped everything. AND for a while it began to work! My X actually called and asked what I had been doing with myself... That was the first time she asked anything about me in 2 years.

I did not save my marriage - it wasn't meant to be. BUT I got through it with my dignity AND many who were advising me to "get her" or "do this and that" now say how proud they are that I didn't do any of that nonsense.

Muster all the strength you can and tell her to do what she wants but that you no longer wish to talk with/email her. IF this is what she wants, then let her do it herself. Like I wrote in another post, legally, you really have nothing to worry about. You are both young and employed, no kids, nothing. No matter who files or how it is filed, like my lawyer said, "it will all come down to 50-50", so why try to fight it...

Be strong!
mike

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">it's better for your sake and for mine to go through with this divorce and move on with our lives. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">tell her that she can file for divorce seeing as she is the one who wants it.

that you don't want one..but you will allow her to do it all...she has to pay for it..you will not contribute to it..

as far as what people think, I think she has a problem with that..as she will not discuss others with you..

I also agree with the last poster that people are coaching her in things..and she probably feels you will get nasty..

Let her do all the work. if it is a simple divorce there is not much work to it at all..no kids makes it a lil bit easier..

I am sorry for your pain.
If it is any comfort things will get better down the road..perhaps she will change her mind later but by then you will be doing something new in your life and she will realize you didn't sit around waiting on her..seeing as she thinks, she is all that and a bag of chips...

I cannot believe how she told you, over and over she wanted a divorce in the letter..so tell her go ahead..if thats what you want do it..I don't..but nothing is stopping you..

then maybe she will go ahead..but then she has to explain to her family why she did it..grin..

so don't worry and please don't think you are a failure because you are not it was not about you..
it was all about her..she will continue to be unhappy she is just in a euphoric state and it will wear off when reality hits her and then it will be to late..it might be 4 months 6 months or 1 year or 3 years but it will happen..

so square those shoulders and suck in the gut..and move on in life..do some things you enjoy..
go water rafting with friends..go hiking, biking
whatever fishing take a fishing boat and go out with them for the day..have fun relax get your mind off things..and make yourself UNAVAILABLE..
turn OFF your answering machine.keep ID..but don't answer when it is her..and do not answer any unknown names..unknown numbers..keep her wondering let her do it through snail mail only..
change your e-mail for a while get some distance and try to detatch by not being around when she wants to talk..

you need to look at her now as your enemy because she is not out for your best interest..but be respectful when talking to her..try not to argue..don't discuss anything but the divorce..
SHE WANTS..
take care and Keep on keeping on..

remember she is a control freak and she is wanting something but she wants you to do all the work and pay for it..let her do it..seeing as she broke the vows..and tell her to put down adultry not just irrevocable difference..because the thing is she did commit adultry and that is the only true reason for divorce..the no fault stuff is a lie from the pit of hell..
EarthAngel <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks for the replies. I do agree that if she wants the divorce that I think she should pay for the entire thing. However with talking to her she kept saying she wants to keep this as cheap as possible for the two of us. Since I am not the one wanting the divorce I really don't think I should be the one help paying for it or accomodating her. I think she is going to flip when I tell her if she wants the divorce that she can pay for it. I also do agree that someone is coaching her on what she should do. If that may be her girl friends or worse case another man.
It is hard to think that all of this isn't a failure. I am trying my best not to but it is hard. I have always heard that one day my wife will realize what she has done and she may finally wake up. I always hear that the WS always it rock bottom one day. I just wish that did happen soon so she may realize who she is loosing in a person and that is me....