Yep, it happened. SNL finally gave in, and signed the papers. I had to go to his lawyers office and sign at his lawyers. They had a runner that was going to run the documents to the downtown office the next morning. WE should get our divorce papers in about 2 weeks. Then I will turn this house over to my name, and turn the phones off. I have had enough of SNL and his crap. He eats here, and uses this house for his enjoyment. He was here last night and my oldest daughter and I went to the gym. I came back and he helped himself to dinner. He doesn't pay for the other 3 kids living here, and I said please don't eat my food. He said, he is not welcome, I said not without an invite from me. I hate this man doing this. He buys whatever he wnats. Eats gourmet foods, and I have to buy whatever I can get on sale. He says, it lasts him a long time. Yeah, he only feeds himself. I have to feed 5.

Well, I went to family assistance today. Will see what happens. So far no money, so living on what is left from last month.

More manipulation and control by SNL. So much for taking care of me the rest of his life, yeah a bunch of words. Actions are showing the worst, and I didn't really expect anything else. The lawyer I talked to on a trip with a friend told me this is the way it would turn out. And by gosh it is. I wanted to beliefve that SNL was different, but I guess not.

So I told the kids, today. Insurance is up to me. So I guess there will be no food, until assistance comes in. SNL, doesn't care about buying food even for the other 3. WEll, SNL, is showing his true side. But I will make it. Cause I am making calls today, and getting assistance, and getting information. SNL hopefully will be out of this state very SOON!!!!

Oh yeah, yesterday, the developer came to his mothers house, and she told him that she would be out in about 2 weeks. More of the stuff, that SNL procrastinates, until the last minute, and now all the kids hussle, and SNL demands and controls. Stating we have to get the house done, we have to get the house ready, for grandma. When he had a good year to do the house.

So, the pressure is on, and the hot weather is coming. I don't answer the phone, and I don't take care of the business. He changed the account of the business, probably cause he doesn't trust me. So much for trust, he is the one who has been untrustworthy. I do nothing with the business, except listen to the phone ring in this house. As far as I am concerned, if this is the way he wants it. Then I can have the phones taken out. SNL has been a vindictive person, and once again yesterday he said, he didn't injure me. Well, he did, and one day he will get his payback.

But again, that is a controlling individiual, and a manipulator.

It feels no different. Just some paperwork, cause SNL is doing the same stuff. Coming over when he wants, and continuing on the same path. When he finally gets all his stuff out of here, then I will finally see the difference. Which he has a time period stated in the decreed of the divorce. I am sticking to it!

Moving on is a great path. Moving on is what is needed to be me again. SNL did not allow me to be me. I see what he is doing to his mother. She is not his whipping post, and I feel sorry for her. But she is allowing it, so it is not my problem. I talk about how nice the kitchen will look, and how pretty the things she has will look nice in the house. No use in getting her down. I think that is why we talk alot recently. Her and I talk, and I talk about the decorating, and the ability to look at things that she has had boxed for over a year.

She is a good woman, but is whimpy. SNL is controlling her, and he enjoys controlling individuals. Just like he did here on marriage builders. That is why he was kicked off.

As things come about, I will post. Just trying to get things done, and downsizing big time. Another rule of thumb, SNL has always been a compulsive buyer, and he buys stuff that is just ridiculous. That is why he has so many of the same items, plus he doesn't know where he put the stuff, cause there is no rhyme or reason to his placing things.

See you later.

Congratulations on the Divorce,
Sorry about all the CRAP!

Hi Faith
tell the freeloader to bring groceries enough for you to make a pot roast..
tell him what to get and enough to feed you all..
do not feed him anymore..tell him no more freeloadng he is taking the food out of the kids mouths..geeez..

can you qualify for food stamps?
I a, surprised they didn't cut you a check right away when you went down to apply..

do you qualify for disability> from ss..in case you cannot work..apply now..if you have enough quarters in..see about it..won't hurt to ask as that takes 6 months to get..

also make sure if your going on welfare and it covers doctors and dental..get the kids teeth taken care of...glasses and medical checkups shots and all the stuff so you do not have to pay out of pocket..save money use welfare for that..

I am sorry he is such a jerk..I feel so bad for his mother..I pray she will get her place finished in time..for her to enjoy it..

can you get community center or senior citizens center to help with the house..they have retired guys who love to help..volunteer here for older people..I wish I was 65 they could help..
but till I reach that age..they won't..

well sweetie your doing good..who would of ever thought this would happen to any of us..huh>?
how cruel they got when they promised to take care of us..shish..

it's like we keep trying to give them the benifit of the doubt till the last minute saying they will come to their senses..they were like this all the time..smirking hurting..cruel vindictive and sadistic...they like to hurt..they feed on
our hurt..

God bless you...
remember the First wives club..
we need something to fund for other women..to help..something needs to be done..this should not happen..the stress etc..

peach is worried about her heart..her dad died from heart failure..mine they say was from an infection viral of sort..but ya know it was sore throat cold..and bronchitis not treated right away..and I am sure like peach said the stress did not help..so here I am..literelly going to die soon..not sure how soon..they said other day..
not to take their word for the 4 to 5 years that scares me..but I am trusting the Lord..

Please please take care of your health you are so young yet..most of you on here are so young...take care of you.

one more thing can you get a small business loan for women? that would take care of it all..
you could do cleaning get a van..
think of something you can make money one..

if you know cpr and can do shots and ivs and stuff you would have one up on things to hire yourself on a need be basis for in home..shut ins....you can do something on your own..look into it..you do have the skills..you just need to work around your injuries it would take you all of six months to set it up..
but in the meantime you would have money to live on..drawing a check for you..

argghhh It bothers me to see this happening..ya know to you and your children..oh yeah is time for those kids to move out or help out financially for room and board..or food..
make everyone stop freeloading..ya don't work ya don't eat..bring in the food...to eat..especially the Big Guy whats his name..lol

Have you changed the locks on the door???

If not do that!!

And I agree, if your kids are adults..make them help out financially, or move out..they may find it cheaper to help pay you than living on their own...but make sure you inforce it..

I have asked the kids to pay. But they said, dad said they don't have to. More of the influence from dad, and the control and manipulation. So it is me the BAD guy, and SNL the good dad. I did speak to the kids today, and said it is going to be tough. Not playing a game, just the truth. Oldest son asked if some things could be sold at the garage sale, I am having next weekend. I said sure. But I want to try and sell things on ebay. You get more for your money, cause people at garage sales, want things for little $$$.

Oldest daughter, doesn't have a job. She is getting more money from dad to pay off some debts. See, dad has the money, makes money, and has been hording the money for years. She hopefully will one day, be successful. In the meantime, I am having the hard time, and making ends with little that I have. Kids are influenced by dad being able to take them to movies, and going out to eat. But do they see that I can't do the same, and I have to provide meals for them all. Yep, SNL sure is being a brat.

SNL does still take the kids to movies, and out to dinner. Isn't that great, but won't buy food for the kids. I paid the last electric bill, and gas bill, cause of shut off notices. I have a lawyer that is going to sue me, cause I can't pay the bill.

SNL is a man, that I married cause I thought he would be a great husband, and he was my frined first. A great father, wanted him to be the father of my children. A great provider, so I wouldn't have to worry and could put my efforts into raising the kids, and providing a home. I married him cause I thought he was a christian, and committed. Never in this life would I ever see myself in such a bad situation. And my mate be such an A$$.

Sadeyes - I am just an LPN. Would have to take the IV install. Doing homebound, I did it before, and there is too much risk with elderly and the risk of someone dropping or falling. Also, changing bandages, for bedsores, or whatever. I at this point could not lift or turn a patient. I worked out at the gym 2 times yesterday last day, lower body only. And the therapist told me today, that she thinks the eliptical machine is causing the spasms in my back. She found the whole right side of my spine down to the middle of my back in a big time spasm. Right shoulder hard with spasms, and my right eye was buldging (felt like it) and an area to the left of my spine by my shoudler was spasming quite bad. So I guess my back is not doing as great as I thought it was. Am going to talk to the Dr. tomorrow, and see what he thinks.

SS is not available for me. Don't have enough hours. So yep, out of luck there, because of SNL not paying me for working for him for free since 1990. I am telling my girls to never, ever work for free for their spouse. SNLs friend has his own business. And his wife has worked for him since he started his business along time ago. He is an accountant. His wife has been paid a paycheck since day one. He knew he wanted his wife protected, in case something happened to him. And he did talk to SNL about paying me a paycheck, but SNL said no. Does that tell me something.

More SNL controlling, and being the person to say what to do. But now I am the one getting hurt.

It hurts that SNL said last night, that he didn't injure me. More of his manipulation and control. Denial, and he will think only what he wants to think. Like having sex.

As far as cutting me a check right now. No. They don't do it. Too many people in need. But hopefully, she said, it will be processed in about 2 weeks. She is putting it ahead of some, for the purpose of I have no income coming in at all.

Was surprised to see a lot of Eastern people coming in for assistance. A bad time of the year.

Sad Eyes, I know what you mean about not having money to take care of yourself. I haven't had a mammogram this year. Can't afford it. I did get my teeth cleaned. I did get my eyes examined, and a pelvic this year. Should have a colonoscopy next year, probably won't have that done either. Unless I get some medical help. SNL has this catastrophic insurance that has a $5000 deductible. So I can't afford to pay anything. I quit taking HRT medication. I did ask for medication costs to be taken care of. Told family assistance that I will be attending school, so I could do parttime job. But not for at least 3 months at least. Dr. did give me a note for the assitance program that no work for 3 months at least. Said it could be longer.

Hey, life is no guarantee, and my x-hsuband of 25 years is making sure that there is no pleasures in this era of my life. Would of been time for us to get retirement going, and get our life together. Would of been time that I could of finally done some neonatal volunteer. Been wanting to do that for many years. But hey, I can't, but he can. He has money to give to the kids, to buy them things, to ask one daughter if she wants to go fly out to California. Is this a man of sound mind?

He doesn't even go to work, until late in the afternoon. Who knows what he does in that house in the morning. The kids worked today for a couple of hours, and said they got little done. But SNL has chosen stress for all of us with his procrastination.

Kids feel the stress, and are getting upset. SNL complains about our one son not COOPERATING!!! I would of loved to see SNL have a father telling him what to do all the time and see how he would of felt. But then again, SNL didn't even go to his fathers funeral. He wouldn't listen to his mother, but still asked for his allowance everyweek. SNL is a good father, loves his kids.

As far as him loving his mother, I don't know. I know he cares about her, but has called her a crazy old woman. She is stressed out big time. As far as SNL loving me, NO for sure. Actions show everyday. A man that treats his wife like he treats me, is a man that hates a person.

Moving ahead, little by little, and just keeping my mind with the Lord. Trying to give it the Lord.

Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully will be getting up to some sun. Needing to get some more filing done, and getting some things done outside. The rain has been coming, and we are suppose to get a storm tonight.

My youngest son asked if we can have the airconditioner on. I said absolutely not. I said, I cannot afford air-conditioning. It was interesting, that I was up in oldest daughters room a few days ago, SNL came into her room, and her bedroom is on the 3rd floor. He said to daughter, you are going to get hot up here. Talked about getting a window A/C. Now when my youngest son was in that same room, SNL didn't have a problem with him living in that room. But now that my oldest is living in that room, OHHHH we have a problem. I jsut said, to her, I can't afford air-conditioning. Which is the truth. So she will have to suffer, just like the rest of us. And put a fan on her to sleep. While SNL has all the comforts of air-conditioning in his mothers home. Maybe all the kids will take sleeping bags to her house to sleep. Would be interesting.

Hopefully, I will sell this place next year, and get the ranch that I am looking at. It has a basement, and that would be great for the boys to have a bedroom in the basement, we would get big windows placed in the 2 bedroom downstairs, so that they could open the windows to the outside. And then if my girls are still living with me, they could have the 2 smaller bedrooms, and I of course could have the bigger bedroom upstairs. Just looking for something smaller, and a quiet neighborhood for now. But I would need to sell this place first. And SNL will be in his hot zone Ariozna. GET it HOT for many many reasons.

{{{Faith}}}

Kick that deadbeat out of the house! If he won't help support the kids, he certainly doesn't need to be eating your food. You are divorced now, there is no reason he needs to be sitting there hanging about in YOUR life.

What is WRONG with these men????

Lori

lets see you WERE married 25 years? you will still get social security then on his even if you are divorced when he dies..

also right now if you call social security and see if you qualify for disability under his social security..that is how I get mine..and I was qualified for it with my shoulder and knees because I could not lift anymore..-plus I am
AGED...rofl..but am 60 but the thing is they will tell you what qualifies..and you might ask them how would you qualify and see if your doctor will give you a letter.actually they have assistance if your disabled now..cut a check through social services..with a letter of medical disability is all you need to prove it..find out..
then apply for it after all divorce stuff is wrapped up because it takes 6 months to get your first check..but they will give you one in 6 weeks to tide you over ..not sure how much you will get..ask if your husband was deceased or were to die..you are divorced but married 10 years with no work record what will I get..they will tell you..you would also get medicad and medicare..I think you get the full amount same as him...
or if you do before retiring age it is half or a little more probably at least $1,000.00 a month..but at least it will give you an idea..
if you need a brace or something wheelchair cause of your back
get a letter of medical necessity and go to the lions club if insurance don't cover it,.the lions club out here has a warehouse full of all kinds of reconditioned wheelchairs scooters beds
walkers potty chairs that people donate when their loved ones die some are brand new..

see if they have a program like that..
you might be comfortable in a hospital bed..electric one.they are comfy...
hugs..Earthangel

Sad Eyes - I'm not that bad. But thanks for the information. I just can't sit for long periods of time. And finding that there are things I can't do for exercise.

I can sleep in bed, when my back and neck are not spasming bad. Like last night, I was in so much pain, and spent most of the night up. And went downstairs to the living room and used the vibrating massage unit on my back. Found out today, that my spasms were really going hard. So the massage therapist got most of them out, except for the neck. And I felt soo... much better. I came home after assistnace, and had to take a nap. Just whipped out after the night, and felt good. Now I am starting to spasm again. Went tot he gym with my oldest daughter, and used the bicycle only. Might just be the movement of my legs. Will see how tomorrow goes.

Yes, I get 1/2 of SNL's SS when I retire - 67. Will talk to the Dr. tomorrow, about the spasms. Only thing is, SNL doesn'thave to pay for any more medical bills after the divorce decreed was signed. So I can't afford it now. The assistance person I talked to for family assistance, I might see about another Dr. Cause there is something still going on with my back. It is sad when I can't sit through the theatre to watch a movie. At least at home I get up, walk into the kitchen, go to the bathroom, or just get up and walk around when watching a movie. SNL doesn't see the pain I am in, cause he is in Denial, that he did any of this.

There is nothing I can do about him eating food at my house. Like today, I made a really good meatloaf, the kids loved it, and asparagus, freshly picked from next door, and flaky rolls. All the kids said the meatloaf was sooo.. moist. I used 2/3 ground turkey, and 1/3 ground beef. I put a can of cranberry sauce in the mix, all in all I had about 3 #'s of meat. Added crushed garlic, and salt, and pepper, and breadcrumbs, and eggs. It was soo good. SNL said he didn't like it, cause I put in onions. He says he doesn't like onions, but all the food I made had onions, cause it enhances the flavor of food. My oldest son, who says he doesn't like onions either, ate it and said it was really good.

So I can't do anything about it. He feels free to come in even when I asked him last night not to. So there is the control and unthoughtfulness again. I don't go to his place of living. Even when his mother is going to live there, which should be in 2 weeks. I will ask her first, and probably not go over much. Cause SNL will be there, and he doesn't know how much pain it causes.

Like tonight, my oldest daughter and I went to the gym. We came back and he was in the kitchen. He ate the left over asparagus. And he bought me a glove to wear for the computer in typing. He doesn't get it that I don't sit at the computer for very long. I get up and move, clean something, put some clothes away or somethhing. Then I sit down and type again. I can't sit like him for hours. I just can't do it anymore. My back doesn not allow it. But the gesture of the glove was nice, just don't sit long enough at the computer to put the glove on. Will try, and see if it makes a difference, but that was a nice gesture. These are the things that causes turmoil in my emotions.

I got a call from Univerity of Michigan Dearborn. So I have to call them tomorrow. And see what they need. Maybe they are ready for me to come in and take the tests, and get signed up for classes. Scarey, but I am ready, I think. Now to get a job, and get this house downsized to just what I actually need.

In the gym I was reading about getting the hosue ready for sale. A lot of good information. So I am going to concentrate on making the house look nicer, and get trim up, I will do it myself, with the help of the kids. Would like to put a shed up, to get some of this crap out of here. Actually sell most of it. But on how to have linens look nice, and organized. Make the linen closet look like a spa. Have the bathroom look uncluttered, and clean the drawers out and organize. Have everything look, when you pull a drawer out there is plenty of room and space. When you open the closet, it said to have 1/3 of your clothes in the closet. And to organize your clothes by light color to dark. I didn't realize that. Also, have your shoes organized the same way, from light to dark. Towels, have everything folded the same way, with the finished edges all aligned. They said to stay away from the color red in your home. It is an unwelcoming color. And to put up mirrors around your hosue. People look in the mirror and see their image in their home. The pantry, get rid of stuff one year before you put the house up for sale. And organize, the stuff you have according to vegetable, and from small to large. But they said, only put about 1/3 int he pantry. Get rid of the rest.

Oh, under the sinks. I didn't think that was imporatnt. To have everything organized, and very little stuff in the area. So if you stock up on diswasher soap, put it in a box. Or start using it up before you get the house ready for sale. Many things that I will do now. Also, they said, houses sell more without drapes. To have the windows clear of drapes, and only a valance, or venetian blinds, makes the room roomier. They said in the bedrooms, only have a bed, a nightstand and one dresser. You want each room to look roomy. Of course, clean all the carpets, and make sure the floors are clean. They suggested putting fresh fruit on the table in a beautiful bowl. Have fresh flowers cut, and set somewhere. To have freshness in the home. Open the windows if possible. Or have airfreshners, that you plug in. Get something like fresh fallen rain smell. Nothing overwhelming. If you have animals. They suggested that you take them to the neighbors, or put them in the garage or something like that in cages.

Well, a lot of work to do here. And to have walls clean and freshly painted if need be. Take personal pictures off the wall. That reminds them that this is not their house. I didn't know that too. So take down the family pictures, and put up regular pictures. And not too many. They want to see that there is lot of space for decorating.

Divorce is ugly, I have sinned. SNL has sinned. And SNL has caused this divorce. That is the part that I am having a hard time accepting. I married him with committment. And he didn't. So I filed, and now I have sinned.

SNL, I know you can't get money for the kids because they are older.

Change the locks. He has no business in the house now. Your lawyer should have seen to that long ago.

Have you thought about teaching them about budgeting? They are old enough to know how much it costs to live. Draw up the pre-D budget, and the post-D budget. They'll be surprised when they see how much the incidentals cost. And have them commit to helping out, and paying their share. Tell them it is their "choice" to live their and they need to be responsible for their choices. Draw up rental contracts. This is especially important for those who don't now work.
You can even get comparable apartment costs for comparison, and let them know what they'd spend if they didn't live there. IT would shock them.

We have a local women's crisis center which I know provides food for needy families, as well as counseling. I hope you find one in your area.

He is still controlling your life, and you are still "enabling" it. He has no business in the home. Get him out.

Good Luck. It sounds like you need to set boundaries with your children as much as you need to with SNL. They saw him walk all over you and they know they can do the same.

I agree with your statement, don't work for free for H's business. I did the same, and yet he claims I didn't help at all.

God bless you adn your family.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So I filed, and now I have sinned.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I left you a thing in one of your posts on forgiveness..so if you sinned it covered it forever unless you do the sin again..
but you did not sin for filing for divorce

True God hates divorce but he does not hate you.

the one who sinned was snl because he had an affair..you did not..you were the victim so stop
letting satan condem you nor anyone else..talk to your minister about this..now if you slept with someone right now that would be sin..yes..
alot of things are..but the THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY was his sin not yours..

when I see that you say that it breaks my heart so if you blame yourself for it unjustly then your piling hurt on yourself..

SNL committed adultry and it is him who sinned he needs forgiveness...it is a sin..but the adultry God allowed divorce for..so stop brow beating yourself...you were sinned against

argh...well keep putting onions in things and tell him before he eats..I would invite you to eat but it has ONIONS and we really do not want you here..please leave..

why do you need to be uncomfortable in your own home?
I know how hard it is..but he could blow up..the glove was a nice gester..but that is the same ole same ole..tell him some groceries would be of a great help..tell him what you need see what he does..]
Keep on keeping on..and I do know the church has funds set up for families..and there is a food bank..also other things in place for families without food..look in the phone book.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
had to come back and fix my post it sounded like I sad God allowed adultry..when I Meant God allows Divorce for people when a spouse commits adultry against them:(
Keep on Keeping on..
ME>>>Airhead..

<small>[ June 11, 2003, 09:53 PM: Message edited by: SadEyes ]</small>

Hi faith4me!
I know things are tough right now, but it's only temporary--you sound terrific! Really!

You are taking care of business...

One thing tho, it sounds like you need to put your foot down with those other grownups in your home. Everybody is going to have to start pulling their own weight now. They need to know you mean business, regardless of what they hear from sources outside their household. It's your house, you get to lay down the rules.

Why is it when we ask big kids to get jobs and help out they resist? I know mine did? He applied for the Marines but it didn't work out (asthma). So then, he started lying around, eating and drinking up everything in sight, wouldn't do chores, wouldn't work. He got the boot. And guess what? It didn't work out so he had to come back home a month later.

Suddenly the 40 bucks a week we were asking for didn't seem like so much (his rent was 500/mo), and suddenly helping out with chores wasn't too much to ask...

The point is, those kids are acting like babes and they have to be financially responsible now that they are at an age where they can work. That's not being mean, it's just preparing them for life in the real world. If they don't like it, they can get more education and get better jobs!

We were also paying my oldest's way through school--until his grades started dropping. Now, he is on his own, paying his own way through school, paying his own bills and definitely more appreciative of what he had at home.

When he came back home he gladly paid us 40/week for about 5 months. When he moved out the second time, we gave all the money back to him in a lump. One thing I have noticed about my son (OC) is that he sure does appreciate his hard earned dollars way more than he EVER appreciated mine!!!

Hang tough! Again, you sound real good to me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ June 11, 2003, 10:14 PM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

Glad it's over for you! Now get rid of him for once and for all.

If you have too...Douse yourself with onion juice. Put onions in everything and plant onions by front door.

Amazing. He's allergic to what some people find pretty good in the right thing. Most would however, find themselves allergic to people like him and prefer the onions.

Heck I do.

Glad it's over for you! Now get rid of him for once and for all.

If you have too...Douse yourself with onion juice. Put onions in everything and plant onions by front door.

Amazing. He's allergic to what some people find pretty good in the right thing. Most would however, find themselves allergic to people like him and prefer the onions.

Heck I do.

Go out there and grab tomorrow. You're on the way.

and btw...unrepented adultery, which he did, is definitely meeting biblical grounds for you filing. No sin ok? Just response to a repeated and abusive sinner.

Hi there Faith4me,

You sound pretty good, still dealing with some of the same issues but overall you sound pretty dang good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm pretty cynical about "gifts" from someone who doesn't seem to "give" unless there's more in it for himself than for you, so I would be suspect about the motive for the glove. Hmmmmmm let's see here.....you're spending lots of time doing things that will bring a brighter future....you get a gift that will allow you to spend much more of your time on the computer instead of on those other things.....spending more time on the computer will aggravate your back more.....more aggravation to your back will cause you more physical pain than you already have.....more physical pain will make it harder to do everything else you have been doing......that would be a bummer and might get you down.....

Sorry, my cynicism is at an outrageous level right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ok, lets give xh the benefit of the doubt. Let's say it is a gift that was meant to enhance your life. Why not return it and use the money on something that would do that? How about putting it toward NEW LOCKS FOR YOUR HOUSE?!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for letting me have some fun on your thread Faith4me (I hope you know to completely ignore this tongue-in-cheek post, except for the first part about you because that is sincere).

Faith4me, you're a much nicer person than I am--I would have been baking Chocolate Ex-Lax Brownies a long time ago for when the food bandit showed up uninvited and helped himself!!

It's nice to see you doing so well! This has been very hard for you for a long time, but you're on your way to a much better life and I couldn't be happier for you!!

Take care Faith4me

Well everyone. Yes it is over. Just waiting for the papers to come in the mail. Need to get things in my name, and get his OFF <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> !

Today was a hard day <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . I did see my dads grave today. I weeded and talked to dad. My dad loved me dearly. I know this. I know my dad was sincere when he said he loved me. SNL was not sincere. And to tell me now that I am not family or anything to him. But that is his words, not mine. I am still a caring person, but now setting boundaries. I did something with a friend today. It felt good to be cared for.

I found out last week that electric and gas were at shut off. I found Monday that my house had no insurance. I found out yesterday, that Cable is going to be shut-off. I talked to my son and we talked for a little while. Son expects me to pay for the bill. I said to all the kids, as far as I am concerned, I don't need it, don't want it. Basically, when it comes down to having things, and needing things, are two difference stories. So we DON'T need it. This is going to be tough love. So I told the kids, to ask their dad for the money to pay the bill. Otherwise, I am done with computer and TV. We can hook the TV up to an antenna, and that will be it for us.

While SNL sits, with all his expensive cable for his computer & TV. Yes, he already has more channels than we do, on his TV, and he has 2 computers going on where he is living. But more of the wayward spouse and his only looking out for himself.

I went to my brothers graduation yesterday. SNL was of course not invited. He didn't come. I was invited to another party today, but got sidetracked. And another one next weekend. I haven't cooked in 3 days. Kind of great. Feels good, and the kids really don't mind now. I told them I am going to prepare and good dinner tomorrow. Rotisseri Chicken.

Having a garage sale this weekend. So I am preparing to get that going, and hopefully to sell a lot. Need money, and that is the important thing right now. Been paying big bills, and have to pay that back to the lender. Don't know how.

I will look SADEYES into dissability. I have an appt. with a lawyer this week for another purpose. Will ask about that. I think my Doctor will give me a disability for another year. SNL injured me very seriously. And of course he doesn't take responsibility for any of it. The other night, he flat out told me he didn't injure me. More of hiw wayward backward talk. Waht an idiot.

Well, I am moving on, and gettting my life in order. Just so much to get ready. And school in the fall. And hopefully disability to collect. That would be nice until I could get myself together.

I am not a lazy person. I am a hard worker, just can't seem to do much now. Gets back hurting quite bad.

SadEyes, you are really knowledgeable. Do I talk to social Security about collecting his social security now? I was told that I would get 1/2 of his social secuirty. Would be nice to collect to try to get my life back in order. Anyways, if you can offer me anymore advice I would appreciate it. I have gotten so much advice here. No need to talk to SNL about any financial stuff anymore. He was asking the other day. But I tell him upfront, that I DON'T trust him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , and why should I. He is still a liar, and deceitful person, and cares for himself only.

Time for bed, was in bed earlier, but now the drugs are kicking in. Goodnight.

Just a little prayer needed. Notified today that my fathers sister died. There are only 2 children left. So sad, such a great family, a great bond with the children. Now there are only 2 left. My father left this earth a little over a year ago. He is now getting his siblings back and seeing his mother and father too. One day they will all be in heaven and together as a family.

Pray for the children of this aunt. She was a beautiful, wonderful, gentle woman. So kind, and loving. She is now with the lord.

Well, well. Another speech and unthoughtful respect from SNL. How in the world do you deal with a man like this. Maybe I am being too sensitive, I don't know. But my aunt died. I am having a garage sale, Thur, Frid and Sat. The funeral is Thursday. Starts at 10am, and then luncheon after around 11:30. SNL suggests that I don't go to the luncheon, or close the garage sale. His mother will watch the garage sale. Anyways, he goes into his speech of what the kids are doing, and the oldest daughter is working out of the home. Not one of the kids is paying to live here. And I am sick of it, cause not much help is getting done around the house.

All I know is I was a thoughtful kid. I worked my butt off to get the house clean, do the yard, and would ask what needed to be done. I cared for my parents, and knew that they were working their butt off to get ahead. But my kids aren't. When I told SNL that oldest daughter (age 25) isn't paying me a dime, he said she doesn't make money. But she is using my electricity, gas, paper towels, washer/dryer, shower, food, stove, etc. I told the kids I am not going to pay for comcast which is the computer and TV. So SNL says to me you don't want the computer. I said no, not now. Can't afford it, so I will live within my means. He says so the kids won't have computer or TV, I said no. Can't live out of our means. He sits there and makes big bucks, and hoards the money, doesn't have to pay any utility bills, or anything. Cause he is letting his mother pay the bills. He usese the electricity, gas, water. And he doesn't pay his mother anything to live there. He says, that he let me have the house so the kids have somewhere to live. But I can't get the kids to move out.

I got angry with theh oldest. She is living here. She is 24 years old and not paying me anything. Also, she made dinner yesterday, which was good. But then she takes a dinner to her dad. Why, I paid for the food. That irritated me. So no food being bought this week. Let the kids starve. Let the kids eat out. I don't care. I am so sick of being taken advantage of. Yeah, she likes her father more. He gives her money to pay her bills. I don't have it. And I told her I don't have it. But she still falls into dads path, cause she is given money by her dad to pay the bills.

SNL and I got into an argument about communication. He doesn't listen to my words. He doesn't listen to how he demaeans some of my statements. I told him today. Just like he borrowed 2 of my sanders. the one is returned, filthy and no sanding paper with it. I said please buy sanding paper. If it was me, I would of cleaned everything up, and made sure new paper was with it. The other one he cannot find. Then he has the nerve to tell me that he doesn't think he had it in the first place. Well, I know he took it, cause he was here when I handed him the sander. So he says on the phone he is not sure that he ever took it. I said yes you did, cause it was in the shoe box, and he said he would take it. But he doesn't even say, you are probably right, but I can't find it. It is always, him knowing the facts, and that I am screwed up.

Well, I hope he finds it, and then I think I will make him eat it. I am so sick of being demeaned by his uncaring actions, and demeaning words. He doesn't get it. Doesn't see that he criticizes me whenever he can.

Also, before the kids went to the house to work. He said, make sure they eat before they come over. So he doesn't even want to feed the kids. He knows that the kids come over almost everyday. But he doesn't supply them with food, or drink. More of the controlling behavior. Why oh why does he have to be this way. He continously says, that we all don't cooperate, will maybe he should cooperate with me for once. I have cooperated with him for 25 years. Well, the last 3 he was with Mrs. Bimbo. But he should cooperate with me.

More of teh controlling behavior. And I hate it. Hate his actions, hate his behavior, and demeaning me. When will this ever stoop. When will he ever be kind and considerate to me. After all he did marry me, I guess I was worth a little something. But of course, he told many of you that he didn't marry me with love at the altar. He didn't love me at the altar. Never loved me.

Crap on life, crap on SNL, crap on his behavior. Stop is SNL, you are screwing me and screwing my life, and emotions. When will you stop.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Crap on life, crap on SNL, crap on his behavior. Stop is SNL, you are screwing me and screwing my life, and emotions. When will you stop.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am sorry your still feeling abused by snl.

why do you continue to talk to him in here.
I guess you think he reads it, right?
well probably you might be right...

I get such a sick feeling when I read your posts and how you beat yourself up..by talking at him..

he does not care..
your children don't seem to care..

they hear you what you say..

next time they proceed to take a dinner before they go out the door..take it from them, ask them for it..that you will eat it when you get hungry.

there is no reason that he needs to be there..

you do allow it..tell him..no change the locks on the doors..it is where you live now..
and lock the oldest kids out with him..let them get jobs and pay their own way..they can go live with him..and he has things let them use him..

I See your family as a bunch of users..taking advantage of you because you have given your boundries up..you say no..

what part of no NO do they not understand..
stop talking to him..put a reject on his #

you can get help for your lights and phone..
they will not shut the phone off totally..so that is a good thing..out here they have to leave a dial tone..you just do not have long distance

I am so sick of SNL just like you..
he is got a real problem..

guess what you have a great big problem on your hands..did you know that?

the biggest problem in your life is snl..
he needs to stop coming around..

if your really going to try for disability..then you can't be doing everything..and he really should not be there..helping himself..

you will need a report and they will investigate and see who has lived with you..
they want to know when people move in and move out..

but they will give you enough for you and small young children under 16...all you need to do is call ss office..and then have them fax you what you need..sign it and fax it back..your marriage certificate..birth certificate and kids birth certificates..if he was in the service you need a copy of his dd form..also social security for his # and then yours..get it all together..and pray that they move it along..don't be afraid of them..
I was when they asked me questions..but it is because they filed 3 different ways for me..to see which way I would get the most for me..
right now I get $902.00 a month..but thats cause he paid alot into ss..before he got sick...you will have medical I think that will be right away..
but then too snl..is not going to get off scott free if he isn't paying anything..i think they expect him to pay for his kids..lol..so they will help you get it from them..

you are allowed to have a house and a car..one car in your name..and don't listen to the scare stories..they take this and that..it does not happen

does his mom get ss? is he abusing her money?
then let the social security know..it is spousal abuse,report him..for what and how he treated her..
it is wrong..if it still is going on..they will look into it..

one thing you need to do is stop, protecting him..or enabeling him..
make him face his sins.it is the only way he is going to get better run...

I am going to pray for you and hope this works out for you..the disability...no you do not need a lawyer..for it..but have your doctor make a documentation of every thing for you..
do you feel your mentally capable of holding down a job?
maybe you need a phycological exam..then you can get a mental disability..because if you don't have one now..you will if you don't get him out of your life..get on with life..stop replaying the tapes..to your kids..they don't need to hear it..they know what happened they witnessed it and you are the grown up..now make it stop..say no ..no ..go away..call the police ask them to talk to him..tell him to stay away..you do not need an order they will tell him..they know he hurt you...so then they will be willing to go tell him to stay away before he kills you and then they have to clean up the mess.

STAY AWAY FROM HIM..he can pop anytime
he is a loose cannon..

stop egging him on on message board..because it that is what it sounds like you hope he sees it..
well even if he did..it would go over the dull mans head..give it up already..go run into the arms of Jesus from this sick and dangerous relationship..

he does not care..about anyone but himself..you told us that..so now we want to know when will you make it stop..
-----------------you can also do your ss online..
ask them..what your # will be for ss online..

here is something for snl
print it out for him..and give it to him.
also to your children..have a family round table with this one..this man really suffered abuse.
and it was for us..please share this with otheres..also..

I am sorry about your aunt..my condolences..
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++. Tonight,
I do not know your testiomony, but I know what testimony any Christian must have.

That means at some point in your life you had to come to the knowlege that you were a sinner and could not save yourself. There had to be that tugging at your heart strings by the Holy Spirit convicting you of your sin and pointing you to Jesus. There had to come that time when you stopped walking away from Christ, and turned and walked toward Christ. There had to come that time when you actually asked Jesus to forgive your sin and come live in your heart and be Lord of your life.

Now to harden your heart means you have to turn your eyes away from the Jesus hanging on that cross in unspeakable agony, suffering for your sins!

When I knelt at the foot of that cross, I looked up into a face beaten beyond resemblence to a human face; a face, whose beard had been ripped out by the roots and was dripping blood, sweat, and vile spit from the soldiers who beat Him and nailed Him that cross. I saw a body that had been beaten with 39 stripes with a whip that had bone and metal imbedded in the tip, so that each lash ripped and tore huge chunck of skin and meat. He lost so much Blood and strength He could not carry His cross all the way to the hill, but collapsed under the weight of it. I saw a body hanging there struggling for each breath untill his heart literally exploded, and then the spear thrust into His side and water and Blood gushed out. To harden your heart you have to turn and look away from that. To harden your heart means you have to loose your focus, just as Peter did walking on the water. Peter did fine till he took his eyes off Jesus. The minute he did, he began to sink. And so do we all.

There is only one remedy. Either we must accept for the first time that Jesus did this for ME, Personally, and understand that He would have done that even if I were the ONLY one. That is how personal it is. So we must accept His sacrifice and offer of salvation, and make Him Lord of our life, or if we have already done that, we must repent, ask His forgiveness and re Focus on Jesus!

Untill we do this, Words in the Bible are, as you say, only words. Without the Holy Spirit to guide us, those words will never be understood.

We must set aside quality time to spend with God and to study His Word, and pray. We must also come to understand that Jesus is ALWAYS with us. All that we do we must do as though He were standing there watching us, because you see, He is!

The we must seek out and spend our time with others who love Him. Our Family! Do not Doctors hang out with other doctors, and muscians with other muscians?
Do rocket scientists hang out with grade schoolers?

Christians must spend their time with other Christians, where they will be built up, and edified! Light has no fellowship with darkness! If you hear foul language and dirty jokes all day you will not be edified or built up. You have heard it said "you are what you eat." Make suire you are eating the Bread of Life!

Father, You know the needs of this person Please send the Holy Spirit to touch his heart and reveal to him his need as far as Jesus is concerned.
Please let Jesus heal your hurts.
--------------------
forgot oh snl and his mom
I meant if she gets ss and he is ripping her off..let the social security know it is called ELDER ABUSE..she needs to be protected from him before he uses up all her resourses and ends up in the street..THAT is abuse what was going on..with him turn him in..
that house should of been finished..by now..
but stop enabaling him..now stop now..change your locks..
my social security thing is differnet then yours because mine is widows benefits that is why I fought to keep from a divorce..not for ss..but so I could also get the Va widows benefits..too..

if your husband is a veteran get him help at the va it is free..he can get mental help and then also medical help..prescrip..are a co pay but usually a few dollars.
do not trust him in your home.or let him be at the garage sale...don't do that..
your opening up a pandoras box...

Hi Faith4me,

This is no different than what you have gone through all along. Whenever you made progress with yourself, he stepped up the crap in direct proportion to how well you were doing. Using the kids to do this (especially oldest daughter) has been part of his routine for a long time. You used to go into downward spirals when this happened, but then you made progress and then more progress in preventing yourself from doing that.

It wasn't many days ago that people were telling you how good you sounded. You know what routinely follows that (especially when he reads your threads about it). Please don't fall into the old trap of making your threads all about what he is doing and begging him to stop--he didn't before and he probably won't now. Please, please, please do the things that made you successful before--focus on YOU and what YOU can do no matter what lengths he goes to to thwart your progress in life. He cannot thwart you unless you allow him to.

You have choices Faith4me, many choices. YOU get to decide what you want to do. People will give you some ideas (even xh will give you ideas or make demands), but YOU get to decide what you will do--afterall, YOU will be the one living with the (good or bad) results.

You said:
"Another speech and unthoughtful respect from SNL. How in the world do you deal with a man like this"

One option is No Contact.

You said:
"Not one of the kids is paying to live here. And I am sick of it, cause not much help is getting done around the house."

It is YOUR house, YOU are the queen of YOUR castle. What do YOU want to DO?

You said:
"When I told SNL that oldest daughter (age 25) isn't paying me a dime, he said she doesn't make money."

Why are you telling him about it? The problem is not between you and him, it is between you and your daughter--it can only be solved between you and your daughter.

You said:
"But she is using my electricity, gas, paper towels, washer/dryer, shower, food, stove, etc."

How much rent are you going to charge for these things? How much time are you going to give your daughter to decide if she is going to pay rent there if she is going to live somewhere else?

You said:
"He says, that he let me have the house so the kids have somewhere to live."

BULL-ONEY!!!!! He didn't "let" you have anything--the court divided your assets. It is YOUR house now, totally YOURS--and so are the problems that go with it. YOU can solve those problems any way YOU want.

You said:
"But I can't get the kids to move out."

One option is to legally evict them--parents of freeloading adult children do this every day, it's neither an uncommon problem nor an uncommon solution.

You said:
"But then she takes a dinner to her dad. Why, I paid for the food. That irritated me"

I think it's up to your daughter to decide if she will buy her dad take-out dinner or home-cooked dinner. The only thing that is up to you is how much to charge her for a home-cooked dinner made with food you bought.

You said:
"Yeah, she likes her father more. He gives her money to pay her bills."

Food is one of her bills too. You are responsible for feeding your minor child and yourself. Why not let the adult children buy and cook their own? Isn't that what you will do when you get a renter? Or will breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks be included in the rent?

You said:
"Just like he borrowed 2 of my sanders. the one is returned, filthy and no sanding paper with it."

Most of us have lent out something and not gotten it back or got it back in worse condition. It's the way we discover who is high-risk to lend to and who isn't. Then we decide who we will lend our things to and who we won't.

You said:
"I am so sick of being demeaned by his uncaring actions, and demeaning words. He doesn't get it. Doesn't see that he criticizes me whenever he can."

I think he DOES get it. I think it's WHY he does it--I think he likes the results he gets. If you don't like the results, then YOU must do things differently to get different results. I'm glad you're getting sick of it, because I hate it that you tolerate something that makes you unhappy.

You said:
"He said, make sure they eat before they come over. So he doesn't even want to feed the kids."

It's none of his business--except for your minor child. He doesn't have to feed the adult kids, they can feed themselves. I'm sure you would allow your minor child to pack a lunch from home if his father doesn't allow him to eat his food during visitation. It's a sorry thing, but many custodial parents have to send food for their child if visitation includes a meal time.

Faith4me, you'll figure out where you want to go from here. You've come a long way already--and you'll go farther still!

Take care