OK so divorced in September 2002 - Child Support - 150.00 per week and 1/2 of all activities - is what was agreed upon - I took over the house and have to buy him out his share when my youngest graduates from high school (his idea) - in 8 years... The deed has been put in my name - and I have refinanced in my name only - (something that I didn't have to do) his name could have stayed on the mortgage but I chose to get his name off in case he wanted to buy something else... And we have joint custody of the children - two girls 10 and 13 - he only sees them on Friday nights - picks them up at like 7 and has them home on Saturday by 2 - but he says that he is forced to work two jobs because of my demands - My children are in no more activities then they were when we were married -- - So now - we are going back to court - He seems to think that - he is going to go back to court now - and I am in for a rude awakening - he thinks he is going to force me to sell the house - He thinks he is going to get paid - I have an appointmet with my lawyer on Monday - Last Friday he threatened me in front of my children brought them home Friday night a couple hours after he picked them up because he was fighting with them and told them he was going to jail that night - because he was coming to pound me against the wall... So I guess my question is - Has anyone gone back to court to change stuff that was only put in writing 8 months ago - because he all of a sudden thinks that I screwed him over???? I actually told him today that I would be willing to sit down and discuss this - he said nope - he has a lawyer now - He didn't have one in the beginning - we filed jointly??? Am I in for a rude awakening ??? or is he????? Any opinions????

What an [censored] your ex is!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Having "joint custody" and him only CHOOSING to have access with the girls once a week are irrelevant, really. Custody and access may sound like they should be more the same, but they're not. Besides, with the ages of your girls, I would imagine that they have a right to have a say in the time they have with their father.

In family court, here in Ontario... once the first 6 months go by on a ruling, then you can go back to court as many times as you wish. However, just cause must be proven (such as change in financial situation, which is the most common).

If he's really that hard done by by having the two jobs, then he should quit one, and then apply to the court for a change in the child support payments to reflect his loss of income. Then again... depending on how things work in your state, he may have to pay MORE! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Here in Canada, there is a table which dictates how much child support is to be paid based on the non- primary caregiver's gross income, and the number of children. Do you have a table like that too?

Now, as far as him threatening you... and in front of your children to boot!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ... report it to the police. If he's getting angry, there's no saying what he may do... so you need to protect yourself NOW (just in case). There's probably no fees to file a report (I can only go by here, and we don't have to pay anything to do that), so what do you have to lose? At the worst, you'll have to go into the station to sign a statement in front of an officer.

SO... other than your ex being an [censored]... how are YOU doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

Hi MAW - if it just comes down to a modification of child support, he can request that, but he will need better reasons than "it's too much" or "she screwed me." He will need some documentation of changed circumstances. At least that's the way it is here in PA.

The property division can generally not be revisited at this point, and it wouldn't even matter if you actually screwed him on that. For example, you've already re-done the deed and mortgage, and that may not be reversible. In general, property settlements are final, except maybe if there was fraud or hidden assets leading to an additional claim. But he can't just do it over because he thinks it was a bad deal.

I think it's good that his name is off the mortgage and the deed. That is to your benefit.

Based on what you said, his threat about court is all smoke. But if you get served with something, call an attorney anyway. If he brings you into court and it turns out he had no good reason, then you might get attorney fees from him.

It kinda sounds like other things are going wrong for him, that divorced life isn't what he thought it would be. Maybe you should think about reporting his threats to the police. They might continue and get worse, so you should have a paper trail beginning now.

Good luck,

Tom

maw,

On a worst case scenario you will have to pay him 1/2 of equity of house. Even though you have joint custody, he is currently only custodial of 11% of the time. If you get an attorney, have them run a support calculation using the actual custodial time, bet your ex will have to pay more in support rather than less.

Yes, once a divorce is final, one can keep going back and changing things. It doesn't look good and will generally end up irritating the judges, but it is in someone's right to do so.

Hey, I had to PAY to get rid of my ex after he is the one that wanted to leave. He still thinks he was not given a good deal.

As far as threatening you in front of the children, that is a BIG NO-NO! Talk to your lawyer or advocate about that one, too.

Lori

Topie - Hi yup I am doing ok thank you just a little stressed like it is never ending... He actually got the parttime job after the divorce so that income has never even come into play. He just has it in his mind that I screwed him over . We have a table based on income and children and he is paying the correct amount - it is just the activities that I have in the divorce decree that he is suppose to pay half that is the hassle - and the constant you are screwing me over is very stressful for me....

Tmmx- OK that is what I am wondering he says that he is going to go after the house and that I am going to have to pay him - my lawyer told me like a month ago (when he came to the house and punched things in - in front of the children and tried to rip the bush out of the ground) that the property is set... Now I didn't screw him over is the thing and he gets me to feeling bad because he is living in a crappy apartment and I can afford to make it in the house...But I am only doing that for my children considering that one of his affairs or his only affair happened with the lady next door - believe I would love nothing better to move...I do have an appointment with my attorney on Monday I was already to call the police on Friday - but he said he would just bring the girls home and drop them off - so I believed and hoped that he would and he did..

Bangarra - OK well I do have to pay him 1/2of the equity in the house but not until 8 yeaers - OK now my lawyer did mention to me that I could maybe get more child support because he isn't seeing them - but he isn't seeing them and blaming that on me because I am asking him for 1/2 of activities and I tell him I cannot sit around and wait for it... I am thinking he is having a great life partying an dgoing out - so he has the money... I am going to talk to my lawyer about threatening me and doing that in front of the children believe me after the last year and 1/2 that is the last thing they need. And he wonders why they don't want to call him or talk to him when he calls... Thank you for your advice - I tend to waver and feel bad even though he screwed the three of us over.... And took our normal life and turned it into a three ring circus - I need to concentrate on stopping that ... My girls and our life is the most important thing.... Thank you all for your advice...

If you haven't done so already, report the threat he made ASAP!

Getting in an argument with the children, aborting the visitation, and making the threat in front of them should be taken into consideration reagarding future visitation.

Another thing:

Isn't it disgusting the way they think their children should cut back on their activities?

My husband shamefully defends his selfish spending on himself and his 'dates'... while complaining about the cost of our children's activities. He even suggested I stop taking my hypertension medicine (and take some herbal junk he found online) because I 'spend too much" on prescription hypertension medicine!

They naively assume divorce is going to be bachelor heaven... but freak out when they realize the bimbos aren't much interested in them if their time/money goes to their children.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Friday night a couple hours after he picked them up because he was fighting with them and told them he was going to jail that night-because he was coming to pound me against the wall </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

This person sounds like he is a few fries short of a happy meal.

He needs to know he cannot say things like because he was coming to pound me against the wall

I hit the reply instead of enter
guess I am an airhead..

well I am sorry about your XXXXXXXXXX
and that is what he is, keep him a distance from you front door..do not let him in, do not him even talk to you when he is disrespectful and not let him use the girls to relay messages. perhaps keep it in e-mai..with explicit instructions
that he is not to imply he is going to harm you in any way shape or form..he is not to cause the children to fear by making statements or actions
in front of them to cause them trama.

if he continues to do these things then tell him you WILL get an injunction and it will keep him from seeing the girls and he will be made to have another person there to supervise visits.

you need to make the local police of his behaviour and his remarks in front of the girls.
they are at a very vulnerable age and I am sure they are tramatized by the events of the divorce and things they have witnessed..

thing that is sad is that the fear they have while they are with him..it cannot be pleasant for them, these lil gals are going to be canditates for night terrors and anorexia..
they will have a tendency to become man pleasers..
you can put a stop to some of this by protecting them and yourself against this cruel and manipulating gorilla..

take care and he is not worth the visits..for the girls what does it accomplish to be with someone who makes verbal threats and is using threatning gestures. they fear for their lives as well as yours

have you ever sat them down and discussed what they think and feel about how he treats you and them and what do they think and feel you, need to do..do they think/feel they are in danger with him
do they think/feel want to report him..if not why?
would they like to talk to a policeman or judge about him and his behaviour if he didn't find out about it..
do they want to see him?

they can see him when they get older but
I think it is really unfair for them to have an order to be with such a cruel person..
God bless you..if your going before a judge anyway get something ready for the girls..
maybe give up some money..to keep him away..ya know tit for tat..thing..Keep the house a safe place keep him away and out of it..he can come to the curb that is it..

So sorry to hear he is giving you a rough time....still!!! Sounds like the typical "cake-eater", wants it ALL and plays the victim when he can't get it. Somehow it's all your fault...yeah, right.

You've handled everything well, don't let him undermine your confidence. Just keep your distance, consult with your attorney and let the X do whatever he wants to. He'll face reality yet again, and that is something he can't do.

Please take care of yourself. That's the most important thing right now. You can stand strong and proud - he can't. Threatening the mother of your children isn't something to be proud of. Please don't feel guilty. YOU didn't do anything wrong.

I don't think you will have any problems. As my lawyer told me, the final agreement is set in stone unless it was done under false pretenses, ie you lied about something. Otherwise, it just is that way. No further changes can be made unless both agree to it.

As far as CS, it can be reevaluated on a yearly basis. But only changes if there is a change of 20% or greater. Therefore, little changes in salary will not change the CS, unless you both agree. Nothing can be done as far as custody for one year, but by then such a precedent has been set, that it is very hard to change anyway. But my lawyer said that she can't do anything for at least one year, so I don't have to take her continued 'crap' any longer. I don't have to feel threatened with her wielding the boys like a club at me. I don't have to deal with her and her money issues. I have what I want in my custody of the boys. If anything should ever happen, then it has to wait a year to occur.

At least that is how it is here in Indiana.

<small>[ June 12, 2003, 02:27 AM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

Icedancer - Well I havent' reported the threat or should I say threats at all yet - I feel like my god he must not really mean that - but we will see what happens after he speaks with an attorney for the first time today - My ex says that he did not realize what their activities cost in the first place - well you know what that is to damn bad - I mean I pretty much had everything in black and white for him from the get go.... Thank you for your support...

SadEyes- Wow love that line - a few fries short of a happy meal - I am thinking that is right up there - with I love you like a fat kid love cake.... Actually my ex does not come into my house at all.. He thinks that he was majorly decieved from the get go and let me have to much because he wanted to make it easier - well you know what - the material things didn't mean that much to me... The emotional damage that was done to me was pretty significant - like I started explaining to someone yesterday that I pretty much woke up on October 12, 2001 and everything was fine by 8:00pm that evening my entire world had fallen apart.. I am ok with all of that now - but I am not going to let him change my childrens lives because he needs to spend money out on a date etc...... Nope I don't think so... My girls pretty much don't think that he would do anything - but he tells me that I have changed my girls opinions of him and you know what he is pretty much doing that on his own I am thinking....

Broken x 3 - thank you for your support... How are you doing??? Surprisingly I am ok today - he is supposedly going to speak with a lawyer - He is angry about everything I am thinking that his perfect life that he thought he was going to have is not turning out to be that perfect - where on the other hand mine and my girls lives pretty much are the same... You know - Yes I Know that I didn't do anything wrong but sometimes well most of the time I am trying to make things easier for him but he just doesn't get it - and I need to face the fact that he is never going to get it... And the person that he was is never going to be again...Right??? Well thanks again...

Formerly Confused - OK you give me hope I am hoping that my lawyer tells me the same stuff - she pretty already told me that the property division is set in stone and that the children stuff can be reavaluated but nothing has really changed - I mean I am thinking maybe dental went up - big deal is what I say... I am not agreeing to any changes really because nothing has changed and actually my lawyer did say to me that if he doesn't see the girls as often as he should joint custody - then I might be able to get an increase in child support - but all I want is for him to pay half of the activities - I was figuring he could pay them outright one month and then me another - that way there is no money exchanging hands between us for extra stuff and less conversation...Thank you for your support....