Hi guys, changed my screen name, use to be: evega.

Thought I needed a change! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My WH had me served about a week ago. I also had him served on Monday. Not really wanted to do this I just felt like he just didn't want to work it out, I felt like I was hanging on to nothing.

I keep thinking how much I miss him and keep wishing he were still around.

Now he's living with the OW and sees our son about 2X a week. We also have a 4 month old who he hardly ever sees.

I always wanted to work things out but I feel like it's too late.

He seems to be ok with the whole divorce and doesn't seem give a sh** about the end of our marriage. All he cares about right now is the OW.

He left me when I was 6 months pregnant and being pregnant I just clinged more & pleaded more b/c I really needed him.

I know I did all the wrong things that probably pushed him away farther. But I'm starting to let him go slowly now. Eventhough it's still hard. I don't call anymore and I don't look for him anymore.

I'm really sad that I've lost my best friend. B/C that's what he was. I miss just talking to him about everyday things.

Now when we talk, it's just about the kids.

Even though I did file for this divorce ALSO, I just don't know how to end it. It's like I still don't want to give up.

I truly love this man. He's not the same man I married but I know deep down in my heart that he's lost. He thinks that the OW is the answer to all his problems when all she is, is the cause of them.

I still keep thinking that he's coming back, even after we divorce.

Somebody please make me freel better. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I keep thinking " Does he even hurt like I do?"

Doesn't it hurt him that we will no longer be married?

Does he feel sad or happy that it's over?

Well coming from someone who is divorced, getting divorced doesn't 'end' it. The feelings persist for quite sometime, UNTIL you are ready to really "let go" - The divorce itself is just a piece of paper and if things don't work out for you, you will find that out the day of your divorce.

IF you don't 'want' a divorce, why file for a divorce? I'm not being mean here, just think about it for a minute; If you want to save the marriage, what signal does it send that you filed for divorce? Miracles happen everyday, so nothing is completely hopeless. What it all comes down to is how long a person wants to continue to hope and pray. And that time is different for each one of us. Only you will know when that time is. It just caught me off-guard that you said you didn't want to divorce but you felt like you had to file....

Believe me there are no right or wrong answers in any of our messes and I am NO one to criticize. I only wonder if you thought through what signals filing would send... In most of the cases, I think it really doesn't matter who files. By both people filing, I think it just costs more money for both...

I say put your filing on hold IF, IF it is not what you want. Don't file because other people tell you to file - you need to do what is in your heart. YES it is hard as $ell and you may look lesser of a person to some people. But who cares, it isn't about you and them, it is about you and your husband.

Just my $.02

But with all that said, I still wish for the miracle for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
God Bless,
Mike

Last night something happened that hasn't happened for sometime.

Yesterday afternoon my WH called me at around 4:30 asking if he could pick up our son for a few hours and I said yes.

Well last night around 8:30 my WH called and said to go outside to come get our son. And he sounded kind of weird but didn't think anything of it and I just said ok. (He's not allowed to go to the door as per my DAD who hates him.)

Anyways, I go outside to get him thinking maybe our son fell asleep and had to carry him. Well he wasn't, both my WH and my 4 yr. old son were crying. My WH was holding him and my son was just saying something like he wanted to stay with him or he didn't want to come home. Something to that effect.

My son has done this before when we first moved to my parents house. But hadn't done it in a while. And my WH has cried before when our son does this but I hadn't seen my WH cry for about 4 months or so because of this.

I know my WH was really hurt to see and hear him cry.

All I could do was pick up my son and tell him that everything was ok and not to cry. I told him to say bye to daddy and it would be ok. And I just walked away with our son in my arms crying.

I didn't say anything to my WH. I just didn't know what to say. I couldn't say it's ok, b/c it's not. I just didn't know what to say so I said nothing.

Did I do the right thing by not saying anything or should I have said something?

B/C it really hurts me to see my son cry like that and also to see my WH cry too. But it was his choice. He chose not to be around as much as he use to, he chose his OW instead of his children.

Should I leave some sort of message on his voice mail or should I do nothing?

What is there to say???? I mean really?? Your WH left you all alone 6mo. pregnant. That in itself shows absolutely no respect. He thought laying with the OW was more important than his unborn child. I would say two thing to him......jack sh#@t!

<small>[ June 12, 2003, 09:26 AM: Message edited by: ITSOVER ]</small>

Please give your son permission to cry, and to love his father.

Saying nothing was probably best, but read up on this topic for the next time. It will happen again. No matter what I say, STBX interprets it differently - vengeful and angry.

Give your son permission to show his father love and affection in front of you. Ask him if he needs extra hugs. If he's sad, let him call.
It's taking the higher road, but it pays off.
He is still the father.

Don't get me wrong, I do let my son cry and let him show his daddy love. I was just trying to comfort him by telling him that it was ok and not to cry that it was ok, he would see daddy again.

And really there's no way of him talking to his father. My WH has a cell phone but chooses no to give me the phone #. There's nothing I can do about that. I don't think I should have to ask him for the number. He knows he has 2 kids and it's his choice whether or not he wants to give me that number.

He lives with the OW at her house w/ her parents! He definately won't give me that number. Really there's no way of me contacting him. He can only contact me at work or my parents house.

This is the way he wants it. Not me.

Glad to hear you let him show emotions.

My stbxh, so foggy, that he used to believe that I MADE IT ALL UP when our also four year old son cried and cried for his daddy all the nights his dad was out there chasing women.

Your wH is crying because he is beginning to see the destruction.

This is why you should learn all you can about A and B. This could be good but never, ever read anything into the actions of the foggy ones.

HE's wacked out right now.

My stbxh never cried in front of me or ever made me think that he ever did about our son, that is.

Please find Orchid. There are a number of maneuvers you could try to help assist a good plan A...But after a short but good plan A, think a harsh B is in order. Dobson also supports sort of a plan B type thing where you mail a letter to your spouse and let them go officially. I basically reworded dobson's letter and mailed it along with my gold band. Seemed to work. For a while.

However, remember, I am married to the Fog King himself...The Winner of the MB biggest A Hole award ok?

How can I still be trying Plans A/B when we are in the verge of a divorce? How do I write him a letter telling him it's over?

Is this possible? I mean doesn't he already know its over when we both filed for divorce?

I just don't know how these plans can work when we're already in the process of getting a divorce?

Plan A is to be the best person you can be.
No LB's (it justifies the D to them).
It really helps to think of them as just another human being. Treat them as you would someone you met on the street, with common courtesy.
It's difficult, but also better for the children to see this than spitting anger. (And we can't control how our spouses act).

I know what plan A/B are but is it possible to still do them while in the process of divorce?