My wife finally decided to sign the divorce papers. I am though having second thoughts about it. I think the problem is that I have been talking to her quite often the past week.
I was thinking about just having a seperation, see what will happen down the road from now. Is this a common behavior?

Yes it is.....let's bump this one up to get you more support.

take care,
L.

If you haven't even had a separation yet, and you can talk your wife into one, go ahead and try one before you go rushing into a divorce.

I'm about to file for divorce and I'm having some mixed feelings about it. It's completely normal to be unsure about whether you want to end a relationship that was supposed to last a lifetime.

But, what is the motivation for the divorce? Is your W or you involved in an ongoing affair? Or is it something else that's stimulating the divorce? If you tell us a bit more about your situation, maybe we can be of more help.

You're not alone!

Jen

Wow sounds like the seven year itch. I have been M 8 years, with two kids. My WW wanted a divorce soon after her affair. I did not want to D and wanted to at least rebuild the marriage that I thought was going good. My lack of attention to her and more for my kids made her think she was in not disereable anymore, guys flirted with her at work, she loved it and the rest was history. I don't want to go through with the D and had spoken to her about a seperation and she asked if that is what I want, and I said Yes. Sometimes I feel as sense of sadness in her whenever I mention the word D.

Seven year itch, there's a phrase I don't care to hear really. What it boils down to really is I took my M for granted, and made the wrong choice to have an A just because my emotional needs weren't being met. I should've piped up and talked to my H about my unhappiness. But then again part of our problem was that he just didn't listen any more. I digress....back to you....

I'd say ask her to try the separation before you go for a Dv. If you can try this before you Dv, it will be just that much easier to live with yourself (you'll feel more like you tried everything you coudl). If you sense some sadness on her part, she may just go for it. Trick is, what does separation mean to both of you? Who goes and lives where?
How long has it been since her A? Have you two been living like a married couple or a separated couple to this point?

Sorry to be full of questions. Who knows if I can help, but I'll give it a shot. Hopefully some others will chime in here soon too.

Jen

well Jen your situation sounds more like mine. My W felt that her emotional needs were not met. Unfortunately she did not discuss it with me and I had no clue that she was even unhappy. It is good to hear it from the WS side.
My WW moved out about three months ago and moved in with OM, she wanted to take our two kids with her but I put a stop to that, she has now decided that the kids would be better off with me because OM did not want baggage.
Was having the A worth it? Be honest. Was it the sex or the excitmeent of something new.

Absolutely NOT worth it. I've lost too much, and can't seem to get it back.

Jen

All Alone Again,

If you haven't separated, my advice is to go for it. The divorce will always be an option, but it should never be the first option. One suggestion though is that if you do separate, see if you both can meet at counseling or if that isn't possible, then maybe meet for coffee or something once a week. Keep in contact - and work on both yourself AND your marriage while you are apart - and ask your W to do the same.

Set some guidelines if possible as well - (ie. neither of us "date")...

BUT even before separation, try counseling. If you tried before and it didn't work, well now that you are feeling a little bit different, try it again. Staying together I think should be your main goal - separation often puts an even greater strain on a marriage I think. You both sound like you have hurt and pain in your marriage. Which in a strange sense is a good thing - I've read that it is when a spouse feels "indifferent" to the other one, that the marriage may be too far gone to recover. But if there are any emotions left, there is hope.

Even beyond that THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE. It just takes courage for you both to try... Yep, there is a chance it won't workout. BUT I'll tell you one thing - it doesn't get any easier on the other side of a divorce... Take it from me... A divorce isn't an end to a marriage, it is just a beginning to a whole new level of difficulty for a person's life...

God Bless,
Mike

Last night I once again asked my WW if she wanted to go through with this divorce and she said "yes", it was more of a quiet, sad response. I don't know what to make of it.
Any ideas?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Last night I once again asked my WW if she wanted to go through with this divorce and she said "yes", it was more of a quiet, sad response. I don't know what to make of it.
Any ideas?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Try not to lose hope and be discouraged. In my own situation with my WW, whenever I would ask if she was sure that she wanted nothing to do with the marriage, she would always say yes; but I could tell that there was always some sort of hesitance in her voice. Just last Friday, while my wife and I were talking, out of the blue without me asking she said "I'm not sure anymore." I asked here what she meant and she said that she wasn't sure about wanting a divorce anymore. I just thought that it was pretty significant that she said this without any prompting on my part.