Well, I've posted under two different threads now (need advice, and can you be happy in a loveless marriage) and now I'm updating so to speak. We looked at apartments today, and we both put down deposits on seperate places in the same complex..so we'll both be near our son. This has been such an emotional day and you'd think I'd have NO tears left..but they keep coming. I think I'm sad about the idea more than I am the reality..if that makes sense. I'm mourning what should have been, instead of what is really happening. Don't know if any of you believe in "signs" but I thought I was having some today. I did ALOT of reading on the board today, and all the articles, and I was getting so many wonderful ideas, and some hope sparked. Then I turned on the tv, and wouldn't you know Dr. Phil and Oprah both were talking about fixing marriages. So I marched out into the living room and asked if we could talk. To make a long story very short, it was disasterous. I was very proud of how composed and polite I was. I wasn't trying to assign blame, just telling him how I felt. He had quite an attitude and it got ugly so to speak. He still won't admit that the email I found from that woman was anything..says I blew it into something it wasn't. HELLO WHATEVER I ended up leaving and driving around for a while, and talking to a friend. I think I'm realizing that sometimes a tiger can't change his stripes and that maybe this is indeed the best step for me..who knows what happiness lies in wait for me. I'm still sad, I hate this roller coaster, but in my heart..with the fundamentals of our relationship so screwed up..I have to tell myself I'm nearing the light at the end of the tunnel. Please just say a prayer for my little boy, that he adjusts well, this is what breaks my heart.
Thanks for listening, and the continued advice.

How great it is that you are putting the well being of your son first, by moving into the same apartment complex. That is good for your son, but what about you ? Are you going to be able being that close, seeing H with other people and moving on with his life?

Sounds like you are a very strong person, much strength is gained from here on the boards. You will know what it is you can handle and what you can accept and live with.

How old is your little boy?

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Dawn, thanks for the kind words. Before I forget, my little boy will be 4 in August. I don't feel so strong, I feel like a yo-yo really. My girlfriends don't know whether they'll hear me cry or yell when they pick up the phone..lol
Honestly, I felt like I was someone else while looking at apartments, it didn't really hit me until I was writing out the check..that we would be living so close together. The lady asked us how close we wanted to be, and he said he wanted to be close as possible to Kyle, but I said.."I think the same complex is close enough" (we are on opposite ends) You are right, I don't want to see him with someone else, and I'm dreading the 'what if I run into him in the fitness center or the pool with someone' ugh, guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I've been a sahm since my son was born, guess it's just second nature to put his needs first..and my husband will always be his dad so if this helps my little guy, so be it.

Dear C&L,

I'm so sorry it's come to this, but I truly hope you can find some peace for your heart. I too think it's great that you both worked out this compromise for your son's sake.

My prayers are still with you...that you can totally rely on the the Lord to guide you every step along the way and that you can continue to draw near to Him.

God bless and keep us posted on how you are doing. When I was going thru my pain 3+ years ago, this board was a true lifesaver....literally.

Aloha,
Ms.O