I just located this board and have read some of the many stories. My heart goes out to all of you.

I served my H with D papers yesterday, and honestly don't know if I have done the right thing. We have been married for 12 years and have 5 children ranging in age from 5-16. My H left 4 months ago now, and this is the second time he has left. The first time he left was about 2 years ago and was gone for 13 months. He came home, I believe, only because I was ready to sell our house and move to another state. He was home for only 9 months and left again.

We went to a christian counselor for a couple of months, but H didn't feel as if it was helping at all. He would not implement any of the counselor's suggestions. H is a very non-communicative person who will not talk to me or discuss anything. His whole extended family is like that as well, so I guess that is where it comes from. I am the opposite of that, maybe to my detriment sometimes as I definitely am a talker.

Bottom line is H told me that he has not loved me for awhile, never thinks of getting back together and now says he doesn't know if he ever loved me. Those words resonate in my head over and over again, and are so painful. My H is not a "forgiving" man and has held on to every mistake I have made during our marriage. I am a born again christian and know I am forgiven by God, but still struggle with what I have done so horribly wrong to have this be happening to me. This will be my second divorce and I am sick about it.

I guess I just feel as if maybe I have taken things into my own hands instead of letting God do His work in His time. I felt as if I had no choice since my H has no intention of working on or restoring our marriage.

Any thoughts/prayers would be much appreciated. Thanks and God Bless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Auntielala----Welcome----glad you found marriage builders. We all would do anything to work on our marriages but the D/D board is filled with people who did not get that chance.

My H is not a "forgiving" man and has held on to every mistake I have made during our marriage. I am a born again christian and know I am forgiven by God, but still struggle with what I have done so horribly wrong to have this be happening to me.

What did you do that needed husband's forgiveness?
Do you think that you are the one that is causing your marriage to end?

When a marriage struggles, it is both partners that are to blame but we learned here on MB that we can work on ourselves. We can make changes which will create a different scenerio that might bring about reconcilation. After doing all we can to change the things that contributed to the marital problems, we then have to rely on the other partner to be willing to do their part to restore love and committment to the marriage. If one partner is unwilling, little can be done.

Learn all you can here to know what you may be able to change....don't get stuck in the blame game cause we all make mistakes. That is part of our sin nature. And you cannot even know what is going on inside your H. He has to discover that himself.....and make the choices he wants in life.

No divorce is the right thing but it may be the only recourse in some cases.

Your H sounds like a very unhappy, confused man.

TW