Another good article (pretty scary!)<BR> <A HREF="http://www.divorceonline.com/articles/f159418.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.divorceonline.com/articles/f159418.html</A> <P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Yes, that article is scary. But it is not always the mother that downplays the value of fatherhood. My H was a very involved father until I stopped working, and then he gradually withdrew from raising the children. Initially after he left, my H was seeing the kids two evenings a week, and from mid-day Saturday through Sunday evening. He has gradually decreased the amount of time he wants to see them to close to the "standard" in our state - about 1.5 hours one evening, and every other weekend at the OW's house. When they are at the OW's house, she does a lot of the childcare. The kids have asked him to spend more time with them, but he is not interested in spending time with them if it means spending that time away from the OW. If he misses the kids, he has a strange way of showing it. I am sure there are fathers out there who nurture their children (and obviously you are one) but I am not convinced that it is typical.

Nellie,<BR>Did you read the article in my other post?

Hi Chris:<P>I mostly lurk around here. I had stopped posting due to the fact that my h's ow has been lurking here too. I don't know if you remember a while back I had posted something regarding my past experience of having gone through my own parents divorce. I had not seen my father for a long time, etc., etc.,<BR>Well, this article is taking me out of hibernation. <P>Yes, the article is scary. I can't believe the gender bias. To quote a statement "Men, however, are not yet seen as being capable of providing competent, attentive, child care--at least not in the eyes of many family court judges."<P>Well, Chris, you have proved them all wrong!!<P>another quote: <BR>"Mothers and children need each other. Fathers and children don't, or at least not very much." <P>NOTHING CAN BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!!! I would give my right arm to have my real father in my life. Yes, my mother re-married, but there is still something missing. <P>Just wanted to say that you are doing a great job. Your daughters are so very lucky to have you. <P>Sometimes it is so strange how society seems to stereotype. According to that article, I should have been raped, have a sexual problem, etc., etc. Instead, I have been faithful, do not have any problems, (until my h's affair) BUT my husband is the one who fits into some of those categories, yet he had a stable home....go figure.<P>Your posts are always an inspiration to me. Keep doing what you are doing and your girls will be just fine. It's not easy, I know. <BR>Lisa<BR>

I believe both parents are extremely important in raising a child, but perhaps a father is more important to a daughter than a mother is to a son? Just a thought.<P>I KNOW my daughters are lucky to have me. I wish my Dad had been as good a father as I think I am! (Okay, maybe a bit conceited, but I deserve it and it’s true )<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Yes, very scary. But what's the solution? I am very much opposed to joint physical custody, where kids spend 50% of their time with Dad and 50% with Mom. I've seen kids go through this (its the norm in Colorado) and the kids are shellshocked. The latest research shows that kids do better when they have a single HOME with frequent visitation from the other parent. In your case, Chris, clearly that home is with you. Divorce is bad for kids, period. There is no perfect custody arrangement that will alleviate it.<P>I think it is tragic that my girls will grow up with their father being a 'weekend' Dad. But they will grow up healthier having a stable home with me than shuttled back and forth between homes. <P>I object to the implication by the author that Dads stop visiting because of interference from Moms. My H visits frequently, but inconsistently. One week he will visit every day, next week he needs his 'space' and will visit a few times. I've done nothing to interfere with his visits (truly, I've been a saint -- I also have no life to speak of so what else am I going to do?) He's just flakey.

All the books I have read assume the mother has custody and Dad is only there on weekends. NO WAY! I get ‘em & I’m gonna keep ‘em!<P>Annie,<P>Yes, the kids will do much better in a semi-stable environment rather than being shuttled back and forth all the time. You’ll do great. Yeah, it rips your heart out, but the only thing you can do is you best and you’re doing fantastic!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Can anyone who has experience with non-custodial parents explain why they tend to fade out of their kids lives, why they stop caring? My H insists that he loves the kids, and I am sure he thinks he does, but he is seeing less and less of them, and when he does their relationship is so superficial. He is completely thoughtless when it comes to their emotions - he doesn't intentionally hurt them, but he just doesn't think of them. It didn't occur to them that our oldest daughter would be bothered by the fact that he took her to dinner the day before her birthday instead of on her birthday because it was more "convenient", then stood in the same room with her on her birthday and never said Happy birthday. Never said goodbye before she left for college. Maybe it is just him - he goes for months and months without contacting his parents, and they rarely called him - maybe a couple of times a year. Maybe he doesn't know what a parent-child relationship is supposed to be. We got a annual Christmas card, usually my H got a birthday card, but they had little to do with our kids, their only grandchildren. Yet they, especially their grandmother, loved to have them visit and cried when we left. Then out of the blue last Christmas his father sent each child an individual card with a note - I just hope my H doesn't wait until he is in his 80's and realizing his mortality before he decides having a relationship with his descendants is important.<P>