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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 3,788
J
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Deliberated all week and made sure that Jethro's attorneys knew that I offered for him to have son on Father's day with a pickup at 9 am and return to son's school next day as Jethro isn't allowed within 1/3 of a mile of me (he was convicted of breaking into our home).

Mother's Day was really hard this year. He wouldn't let me see my boy as it was his weekend. He said only way to get son was to go to his home and get him with mistress, Ms. Family Values there as well. Being he broke into our home less than a week prior, my attorneys said no to that as it was not safe plus I would not allow myself to be placed in a position where some kind of confrontation would occur in front of my boy.

Asked that he instead bring son to guard shack at front of subdivision but he refused. He changed his mind anyway and didn't let me have my son on Mother's day. And I am the primary parent.

So with regard to this being my weekend I had to think. What would God do. What would my faith say to do? Would my son respect me one day if I played dirty tricks like his dad has? Nope. Am I being the best mom I could be and honoring my faith if I have contempt in my heart and really wish an eye for an eye?

So I let my son go to his dad's today and have an overnight visit. Sure, Jethro is not a good dad. Not living the way he is. And he's not done anything to change his life ever. Worst part is if this business thing goes through, he's gonna make more money which will make him spiral downward faster and faster and pretty much cement the golddigging Ms. family Values for a while as the live in shack up Maxxim mistress.

Like we need any of that.

So his attorney, the one who's his little friend, calls me up and I already had son dressed and ready. His attorney arrives 30 minutes early and first thing I ask him is "do you have a good carseat for him because if not, I will let you use mine and make sure that Jethro returns it to son's school tomorrow." Attorney came to pick up my son WITHOUT A CARSEAT.

He was very nice and even pet my dog. He isn't too bad of a guy. Funny thing is, this attonrey, isn't the bad one. It's Jethro's other one who's the ahole. We were pleasant to one another and he said "thanks alot for doing this...you didn't have to."

And I kissed my boy goodbye and let him go off to see Jethro.

I went downstairs and cried after he left. Holidays are somewhat a reminder to me of the destruction of divorce. I hate them really. Unless I am visiting away somewhere or outta my usual environment.

I hate the holiday trade offs too. I wonder. I just wonder sometimes if there could be any relationship so "foggy well" good that it can make the split schedules and holidays all that. I believe most of us here didn't want a divorce and for whatever reason...adultery, abuse, whatever, we had to get one although it was not our first option. Guess we tried. And that's good.

I guess I feel somewhat like Formerly Confused right now. Wondering if it ever gets better having to hand off our kids to someone we once made a sacred vow to.

And I am still scared financially. Worried because I don't know if we are having to move in 2 weeks or not. I haven't even gotten a moving company yet. How can you secure one if you don't know if you're moving.

And once again, Jethro hasn't paid this month.

And there's the thing about my computer, their requesting it, and the hilarious vet records, etc.

Discovery ended months ago but some stupid state clause says they can attempt to reopen it now and we're trying to quash it period.

Pressure is mounting and all the while I am still praying.

Last night we went to a dinner party. Host was a guy who went through same kinda thing and was left with 3 kids. There were lots of couples there and other small kids. I was only other single parent there. And it's wierd. The married ones look at your situation like it's cancer or something. Like they couldn't believe it could happen to them but when they see people like he and I, they know it's not too far from home.

One wife, very sweet, accidentally said this to me: "Well I sure don't understand what your x was thinking. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were just like any other wife here." I asked her to clarify. And then came up the "single woman thing"..."Well most people I think, perceive single parents as a bit wilder than some. That maybe they just do things differently. But you are not like that."

I then think I learned alot about perceptions concerning the married and their thoughts about us, the young divorcees. I was almost perceived as a threat. A threat to the way things are. That we aren't supposed to exist. That we could in turn, become "wild" suddenly because of the situation we were placed in. LIke we'd become vengeful or angry and then wreck other marriages like somebody wrecked ours.

And after having two glasses of chardonnay with dinner, the discussion went on with the host giving his two cents. He said that the only wild thing he did after his wife cheated and left was go get a tattoo. He got a little one and said not anybody knows it under his business suit. It is a cross and under the cross are the initials of his children. That he would fight for his kids and that as long as he was alive he was there for them but that God was always there for them too.

One other wife said over tiramisu (good dessert)"well there's just this Harper Valley PTA myth" about the divorced young attractive woman. Like she's a magnet for married men. And that the divorced dad is a swinger and parties alot. I looked at my buddy the host and we laughed hilariously. I told them this...

"At the end of the day working, I drive an hour back home and pick up my son at school. We go home and I cook dinner. Now it's about seven pm and I finally take off my scrubs. Then we go outside and play or do somehting together. Sometimes I take him for a long walk and we just walk and collect bugs and stuff. On weekends when I've got him, we do more stuff together. And the day when he goes to visit his father...I c ome home at seven, take off my scrubs and begin to clean up the house. Then I take a bubble bath and collapse. I'm still wondering how I can become a magnet when I feel exhausted every day of the week." Then they understood.

I am going out to lunch next weekend, if I am not actively moving with one of the girls. We're friends now. And it is soooo funny. When they learn you'r the dumpee and not the one who cheated and left, everybody suddenly feels safer around you.

It's also funny. Over dinner, one of the guys sa
id to the host, "geez. it must be fun dating. And having a day or two to yourself." The host replied, "oh well it is. I am just not in mindset to do the serious thing yet. So I just date around alot and drink good wine and see good shows.." The guys were amazed.

What I think I learned last night was this...1)truly Italian home cooked food is incredible! and 2)the divorced among the married couples is really awkward until you open dialogue and the common ground is discovered and 3)young divorced parents for the most part are not wild and are overly exhausted and not as Jethro used to put it "living the fantasy" and Harper Valley PTA was a movie. Not real. That we are good friends, reliable ones, and good listeners. We lived thru hell and can tell the tale about how we survived.

I am still figuring out the survival part. But I am trying. Came home and got down on my knees again and prayed. When you do that, something really feels different. Like you're really humbling yourself before God and letting everything just go to Him. I laid out my sorrows, my wishes to be able to end this grieving, and laid my many fears regarding both finances and the future at His feet.

And then I slept. About 2 again son wandered into my room and crawled up into bed. He mumbled to me so cute "mommy I need you." He fell asleep almost instantly again. I woke up and he was curled up next to me. He's such an angel.

This isn't part of God's plan, I am sure. But somehow we are going to do our best to get back on God's path for our lives.

I haven't gone to church in a while because of being exhausted and secondly not knowing where we're going to move. I desperately want roots so we can have a church home and some more stability.

The host last night was Catholic and teaches Sunday School in Roswell. He's hilarious. Before we left, he got a piece of homemade pizza for my son and a capri sun for the road (son had too much fun playing with the other kids to eat too much). He then brought out a bottle of holy water. He said his priest had blessed it. And that he thought I sure could use some right now. So I took the bit he squirted out and patted it onto my face while laughing. Then I got some more and ran it through my son's hair.

But we did feel better and after praying so hard last night I can say that I actually slept for a while. It was good.

Please keep praying for us. I am trying to hard to not harden my heart period. I want to always be kind and understanding to everybody but just am not going to enable negative behaviors of jethro ever again. OR my 4 year old for that matter.

I am going to clean up today and finish getting stuff ready for the charity that is going to come and pick it up and give me hopefully a very nice tax break next year.

I hope my boy has a good day. I miss him. I hope somehow that his father sees his little light shining in his boy's eyes and wonders what it is? That somehow God's love through our son can begin to make a difference in the life of Jethro.

I know I have been mad and angry. Who wouldn't be? You practically cannot do anything more to disrespect a wife than has been done to me. But I am trying hard to just see him as lost and move on but still pray that God changes him in His own time. It's hard to do that. When you are broke, scared of eviction, scared of having to get off of your job so much because almost every other week they need you in court. Tired because you need your family there for a family hug that you haven't had in forever. Tired being an overworked single mom. I did what I had to. One day my son will hopefully understand. If I had wanted somebody to be there for me, a guy like Jethro has with his mistress, Family Values, then I guess things would be easier. But it wouldn't make them right or make me worthy of respect in the eyes of my boy.

Sorry I rambled.

But there's alot going through my mind and heart today. I am glad I let my son go. I know God wanted me to do this. I am so glad that God has allowed in my life for me to really learn how to put my son ahead of my desires and how to become a good parent. And in a wierd way today I am very happy. Still melancholy; still tired,e tc. But happy that I have let go of my desires to "get back" to "retaliate" and just love my son enough to do what is best for him and to still somehow show respect to Jethro as the father of our child. I praise God for getting me to this point.

Joined: Aug 2001
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Oh Peachy....how I have worn those shoes.

Your post made me laugh and made me cry. I remember so much the things you talk about. The feeling adrift, the "not knowing", the pain, the worry. You ARE doing the right thing. My children are older and were older when our marriage ended, but still the pain lingers. My ex did different things, but not so different from your ex. There is so much that I would like to post to you in response to yours....but somehow, I can't. You've got it all in your heart and you know what you are doing. It IS hard, it IS a struggle and it IS painful, but girl, you are on the right road now. YOU are the one that saw that shining light in your little boys eyes, as I did with my children. The only difference between you and Jethro is that you stopped, and made a point of seeking out where that light comes from.

May God Bless you and watch over you. Happy Father's Day Peachy! You gave a most wonderful present ... selflessly and will love.

Joined: Oct 2001
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Thanks. I am sorry it made you remember, although loving our kids and doing sometimes what's best is sad and not what we want to do.

God bless you too. Thanks for supporting and praying. Sometimes knowing what somebody else went through and accomplished is soooo important.

the exhaustion is coming back. I am going to take an hours' nap and wake up and tan on the back deck and then get to work.

Sure wish the new Harry Potter book was out today. I need a good read. I will re read something that I've got on my shelf that I've not read in a few years.

God bless you. And have a good day as a mom on father's day. It's a strange boat we're riding in I tell you.

Joined: Dec 2002
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peachy,
I think your post was bautiful. And sending your son off today - especially after being denied Mother's day. I realize it must have been very hard to do so. I can't believe the atty did no have a car seat! tew


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