I have been married for 23 years. A total of 25 years together. 6 years ago my W had an A with her boss. The whole A lasted for about 3 months, ending when I discovered a letter from him in her brief case. I know now I asked to many questions after finding out about the A and I received to many answers to my questions. I wish I didn't know the answers!! The letter was very graphic about their 3 experiences together including an overnite trip that caused my W to miss her daughters senior year cheerleading competition. I did get some satisfaction by meeting with his wife and giving her a copy of the letter I had found. I was devistated after 17 years of marriage. Honestly the first 16 years were wonderful but the last year before the A was horrible. There was never any physical fighting but an an awful lot of verbal abuse to each other.
Here I am after 6 years feeling like the whole A happened yesterday. I can't get beyond the A. I have awful visions of my W with him and I think it is worse because I did meet him prior or during the A so I can put a face with the vision.
I hope someone can help. I can't live like this. I asked my W for a D yesterday. I have gone through marriage counseling and private counseling. I will go ahead with the D if I can't get help.

Has your wife genuinely expressed her sorrow for a major screw up?

How well do you two communicate?

Yes, she has explained how sorry she is but that doesn't help. We have been talking for 6 years with with and without counseling with no resolution. I told myself when I found out about the A that I would wait for my S to graduate and turn 18 and he did both about 3 weeks ago.
The piece I lost has not come back.

James43

Have you guys been separated at all through the 6 years? I would do that first and then get d if you still want too. Has she been going to counseling with you?

I am separated and have been for 3 1/2 months and its not fun but neither is being in a marriage that your not happy in.

I also was in a long term marriage to have it end is one of the hardest things I have gone through. My 2 boys are young adults and I find I am all alone most times. Its hard but if its what you truely want then do what you have to do to make your self hapy. But it's not and easy road.

My thoughts are with you!
LJ