KK---have you had any more matches? Anything interesting happening with the matches you had?

How does it work?

TW

Tossedwave,
I know you asked KK but I wanted to tell you my story. I realize it may be very soon for me, but I am trying to proceed with caution. I signed up for eharmony like 2 months when I thought it was really over with my husband, but I didn't get any matches. About 2 weeks ago, I got a match. We started communicating June 11. Since then we have talked by email and phone (about 14 hours on the phone between Monday and Thursday) and I have not found anything wrong with him! hahahaaha. I know he has flaws but he is so awesome. It is absolutely amazing how alike we are. We are going to meet Monday night. What the deal is, is you have to go through an extensive set of questions about your personality and pretty much everything important to you. It is very long. Harleys would probably love it because it really is extremely good about linking you to someone who shares common values and opinions. we feel the same way about so many important issues- and our sense of humor is so alike. I am so excited to meet him. He knows everything about what I have gone through- every last ugly detail, and he is willing to risk it and meet me. Monday could not come soon enough! We have actually already gone over the emotional needs and listed our top 5 and everything.

<small>[ June 20, 2003, 06:32 PM: Message edited by: adgirl48 ]</small>

Adgirl----it sounds so exciting. Try not to get caught up in the excitement. It is so soon for you.

What have you learned about yourself in regards to relationships and why you chose the spouse you did? Please go slow. You are very vulnerable and nothing that has to be rushed into is worth anything.

It is neat, though, to know that the matching works well. I do think a lot of marital problems stem from the choices we make in mates. We rush into things, never examine what we really want and never question what is good and right. At least that is my story.

I will pray for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Seek God;s wisdom!!!!
TW

Dear Tossed Wave, (and AD girl),
AD girl did a good job of explaining Eharmony. I have gotten to the place where 2 guys have emailed me, and it is my turn to email them back. I think they are both very eager to find a mate, so I am thinking of cancelling my membership. It is just WAY too soon for me....
I am still struggling with issues from my breakup, and I would hate to lead these guys on. I'm thinking around this time next year I may be ready.
I do still think it is a wonderful thing, but not for casual dating....it is for people SERIOUS about finding a marriage partner.
KK

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tossedwave:
<strong>Adgirl----it sounds so exciting. Try not to get caught up in the excitement. It is so soon for you.

What have you learned about yourself in regards to relationships and why you chose the spouse you did? Please go slow. You are very vulnerable and nothing that has to be rushed into is worth anything.

It is neat, though, to know that the matching works well. I do think a lot of marital problems stem from the choices we make in mates. We rush into things, never examine what we really want and never question what is good and right. At least that is my story.

I will pray for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Seek God;s wisdom!!!!
TW</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tossed Wave,
Actually it is exciting, but it is VERY soon for me. I am proceeding with caution. That is for sure. I actually think God brought this man to me though, whether or not it works out with him or not. This man is the complete opposite of my ex-husband. He is a LOT like me. If anything, he shows me that there are men out there not afraid of relationships or commitment. I have spent the last 10 months in a great amount of prayer and reading and counseling about me and my situation. Why I chose who I did. I have learned that I really did choose someone exactly like my father personality wise, and that this was not a good thing. My father and I are close now (we were before but that is because I had the little girl image of my father instead of the reality image)but he has changed a lot since my parents divorce. He used to be emotionally weak and had a lot of depression issues and was very apathetic with my mother. I am a caretaker and therefore became an enabler, because I think I was fearful of being left alone. Now I am much stronger, and much more in tune with my relationship with Christ. I have been praying a lot for this person I have met too, that I will see where Christ leads me in this. One interesting thing to note. Last night I met up with some sorority sisters from college that I have not seen in about 5 years. One of the girls asked me what I did for a living and I told her and then I asked her. She told me she was a teacher- come to find out she teaches at the same school as the guy I met on eharmony. She thinks he is the nicest guy and she said she has hoped he would find a good woman. How ironic I thought.
As far as the matching goes, I think we think opposites attract and I think eharmony's point, is no, compatibility comes from similarities.
I know I have a lot of healing still left to be done, I am not discounting that, I am just following God's will for my life the best I know how.
Thanks for the prayers and concern!

Adgirl----Wow, that is so great that your college friend knows this guy. What reassurance that he is safe and a nice guy.

It sounds like you are really seeking God so I know He will guide you.

Have fun and I wish it was me!

TW

It sounds like you are really seeking God so I know He will guide you.
Yes Tossed Wave, I want to do it right this time, with any relationship. God's will first, mine second. And I am so sorry for your pain - 34 years is such a long time and you sound strong for all that you have gone through.
Thanks for your thoughtfulness.

<small>[ June 22, 2003, 08:00 AM: Message edited by: adgirl48 ]</small>

Adgirl---I don't feel so strong today. Some days I seem to glide through and other days, I can't get out of the pain. For some reason I am in later frame of mind today.

I know that any strength or wisdom I have gained from this comes from God.

I never wanted to be 55 and single---that alone is depressing. I also cannot imagine loving anyone as much as my WS. I LOVE everthing about family life and do not WANT to be single. The hollow void is so "loud" today and I am not sure why. I am missing WS so much right now.

TW

TossedWave,
I was sorry to hear that you are having a bad day. I will be praying for you- God has given you strength and will continue to. Cling to Him and pray that He will take the desire to have a companion away, or that He will bring you a love like no other. I know that seems impossible now, but nothing is impossible with God.

Adgirl---
Cling to Him and pray that He will take the desire to have a companion away, or that He will bring you a love like no other.
Funny but I just did this. I do feel better. One reason is that I decided to join a country club to use the pool for the summer. I have always wanted to do this and I am so excited for the first time in a long. I have not been excited about anything for 2years. It will help with the dull emptiness I feel when I know I have to some home and just sit here all alone.

How was the "eharmony" date? Did you meet the guy you talked about in this thread?

TW

Hey Tossed Wave,
I did meet him. It went great, but we are taking things slow. I think he is scared that my ex-h will come back, and I guess in some ways I am scared too. We are planning to go out a few more times- we have made plans- but we are trying to just have fun and not worry about much...you know? My house will close hopefully next Tuesday and that will help to let go a little bit, but I still need time to heal and he knows that.
Thanks for asking and I am glad you are feeling better. I know it is hard sometimes. Believe me I know..and I was only married a couple of years!

Adgirl----so glad to hear your new "friend" is so considerate. Going slow is the right plan. You do need to continue healing so have fun getting to know a new friend without any pressure to be something to each other that may not be good right now.

I had a little setback yesterday cause our house in the process of closing, too, and the bank lawyer wants me to do something my lawyer told me not to. I awoke in the middle of the night at 3:30 a.m. and cried for a while and as I was praying and reading my Bible, it dawned on me that I am finding it real hard to trust anyone right now. So I read alot about trust and some of the pain subsided.

I also went to the pool today and had such a great time relaxing and enjoying the water. I love water and I have always wanted to join a pool but I never had time (too busy taking care of everybody and everything) This is truly a new life progression for me.

Does the eharmony guy live near you? Is he a Christian?

TW

TW,
He is considerate. He understands that I find it hard to trust, I have even checked him out some for no reason to wonder, just because I needed peace of mind. He doesn't mind being a totally open book. He IS a Christian, we are very "equally yoked" in terms of how we believe and the churches we go to. He lives about 40 minutes from me. He just got a teaching job that is only about 10 minutes from me though and it is a magnet school- one of the best here.
I am sorry you are having tough times. I am too so I feel your pain, except I know you have got to be torn apart even more with having been married so long. I will say a prayer for you tonight. I just pray that I am doing the right things for me to heal also, and that I will back away if things get too serious. Right now it is going ok though.