I have been with my wife nearly 10 years, we have a beautiful 5 yr old daughter, the last 2 years have been extremely rough, nearly losing everything we owned, while starting new careers and rebuilding, it has not been easy.

The stress it has put on the relationship is high. My wifes common reaction is to shut down, and be cold, and my reaction has been to be verbally abusive towards her. Neither of us gaining the comfort we both needed.

I love my wife so very much, but she is now planning on leaving me, moving over 1000 miles away. We can talk now, but no matter how much I try to reason, my wife does not want anything to do with working out the relationship, she says life is too short. Since I have scheduled councelling for myself, however she says its too late.

There is much more to this story, but the bottom line is I love my wife, and I want nothing more than to make things work. How do I prove my sincerety?

She is moving in less than 2 weeks.

What can I do?

Sadly, one of the toughest lessons I've learned in the past year is that the only person we can change is ourselves. I know what it's like to love someone and wish like crazy you could somehow start changing the way you communicate and treat each other so you can save the M and stay together, and have your spouse refuse to go to counselling. I was unable to find a solution myself, my H has had a whole year of me asking him if he's changed his mind or if he'll go for counselling, but he still says no. I filed for Dv. this week.

But, one thought, is your wife planning on taking your daughter with her? Have you talked to a lawyer? You may be able to prevent her from taking her, and thus prevent your wife from leaving.

My heart goes out to you at this difficult time. Hopefully some others may have more suggestions.

Jen

First I suggest you move this to general as there are generally more responses there. Keep your counseling appointment. Read the literature here at MB. And wait for the MB vets to post to you. Good luck. tew

John433,

Coming from someone who has been there, done that, made the mistakes... First thing is you have to stop pleading for her to want to work it out. As soon as you can. You have to turn the entire focus of your life on "you" right now. NOT in a selfish way, but in a way where you start working on yourself - picking up new hobbies, doing things that help better "you" as a person.

The more you pull your wife, the faster and farther she will run away. You need to "let her go" both physically and emotionally. If she goes through with it and leaves, don't send cards, don't sent letters, flowers... Hey I did it all!! People in your wife's mindset don't see those acts in how you mean them in your heart - they just don't.

NOW, if you can stop pulling AND your wife can see that it is for real, there is a good chance she will change her thinking from "I have to get away" to "do I really want to leave him". BUT that is a change that only SHE can initiate. Nothing you can do or say will change her heart. Only she and God can do that.

I wish I was strong enough to do this when others suggested it to me, 3 years ago, but I wasn't. It may still not have saved my marriage, but I do realize how much I grew and became stronger once I did finally start implementing this in my life...

I'm also not saying "give up on your marriage", or "find someone new" - What I'm saying is to focus on bettering yourself and by doing that, it just may turn your wife's head 180 degrees back towards you (and out of the fog)... I've been around this site long enough to see some unbelievable stories of reconciliation that involved large amounts of distance, so don't think that distance alone will be the end of your marriage... If you have faith in your life, then go to it - Go to God and begin praying.

Be strong. Especially in front of your wife. AND go to counseling as you mentioned - not for your wife, but for you.

Take care and God Bless,
Mike