Hello, I am new at this but I have some things I need off of my chest...OK here we go...<BR>My mom has always been mean to me and verbally abusive. She has called me names and put me down my whole life. She has always crushed any ounce of self esteem I ever had. She would tell me I'm not part of her family, I'm a loser, a b*tch, ugly, you name it and she's said it. She would treat me like dirt but never say a mean word to my younger sister. She would never buy me anything yet she would always buy things for my sister. I grew up feeling like I was unimportant and I didn't derserve to be loved. During high school she kicked me out every single day and I didn't do anything wrong. She would get mad at me just for eating food and believe me I didn't eat very much. She also raised me to believe that all men are untrustworthy and to never trust them. But I was lucky. I found a sweet loving man that will never hurt me and we have been together for five years. I am now 20 and engaged to be married in August. When I told my mom I was engaged she didn't even say congratulations. She said "I wish I had an engagement ring". It wasn't in a joking tone of voice either. (She has already been married once but got divorced.) Sooo my main point is that my mom is being VERY unsupportive of my wedding. It's not that she doesn't like my fiance, it's that she just doesn't care about the most important day of my life. It really hurts me. For instance, she offered to help us pay for the wedding dress and then backed out denying that she even offered in the first place. (I never ask her for money) This adds a lot of stress because we are flat broke and I don't know what to do about a dress now. She ditched me because she had better things to do when we were supposed to go looking for bridesmaids patterns and material (without telling me, she just didn't show up) she threatens not to come to my wedding because a couple of her old boyfriends (one being my father) will be there (I can't help it if she slept around.) And when I talk to her on the phone she is all depressed and brings me down or yells at me and gets my temper going. She is more concerned about what she will be wearing then what I will be wearing. It's like she is trying to make my wedding be a disaster. It is a huge mess. Sometimes I don't even want to invite her because of the way she is acting.My fiance's mom is sooooooo much more supportive than her. She has helped out tremendously with planning while my mom could give a sh*t. She hasn't helped out once - NOT ONCE!. All I wanted was for my mom to say "I'm happy and excited for you" but every word that comes out of her mouth is negative. This is supposed to be the happiest time of my life but its kind of hard with no support and with my mom who doesn't even pretend to care about me. I wish she loved me...<P><BR>

Dear Coolgrl,<P>Do you think you could tell your mom that if she doesn't straighten herself up, she's not invited to the wedding? If so, I would tell her just that. If her response is mean-spirited or if she obviously isn't going to straighten up, then don't invite her. You don't owe your mother anything. The marriage is for you, not her. I would suggest this approach with all aspects of your relationship with her. Confront the meanness. It is not appropriate.<P>Just my thoughts,<BR>Gogie