I am so lost these days. I cant seemed to get my head out of my rear-end. I am going overseas in 3 weeks. I will be gone for a year. My grandfather past away last weekend. My wife said she is 100% sure she wants a divorce. I dont even know who I am anymore. I know I havent been the greatest husband. I just never thought I would have to go through a divorce. I love my daughter so much. I still love my wife. I still make mistakes. It kills me when I am trying to focus on myself, and trying not to LB. I always catch myself after its to late. I know I have to change. I just dont know if I am strong enough. I try so hard everyday to do the right thing. The problem is that I dont always know what the right thing is... Im sorry for the outburst. I just needed to vent alittle. It seems as time goes on, I learn that I am not who I thought I was. And it is very disturbing to me.

I will personally say a prayer for you tonight that God will direct you and your thoughts and that you will feel stronger soon. You sound emotionally exhausted.
Free

Bnugg,

Do you have faith in your life? Do you have God in your life? It sounds like you may be running away from God and He is urging you to come back to Him by placing all these trials in your life?? Maybe?

If you don't have faith, think about it. If you do, then go to it and on your knees ask for His help...

mike

I do love God, and I worship and pray daily. I could definately be a better christian, but I have always known where my source is from. I am just getting so tired of hoping for something that may not happen. With the way things have been going lately, I seem to question, or second guess every action, word, or thought that I have these days. I feel like I have been a failure in many aspects of my life. I really dont even know what makes me happy anymore (besides my little girl). I do little things for myself, and then I end up feeling guilty. Or maybe its the way I have been acting all along and is what drove my wife away in the first place. I am becoming emotionally exhausted.

I will not let this run my life. But with my overseas tour coming up, it is getting hard to feel good right now. Thanks for listening...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am becoming emotionally exhausted.

I will not let this run my life. But with my overseas tour coming up, it is getting hard to feel good right now. Thanks for listening... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perhaps you need to talk to your nso, and ask for a medical leave. get a good checkup and tell them you are going through a divorce and also your falling apart.

have you thought of harming yourself?
taking your life?
do you have a plan?

I am sorry you are in this emotional upheaval
it is not fun, it hurts bigtime. ask to talk to someone even the chaplin and have him help you seek help with medical there..please take care of your emotional health..it will exhaust all the energy you have..and do physical harm to your body. and organs. I know it happend with me..
I will be praying for me.

Are you in Kentucky? have you seen your daughter latley?
Keep on keeping on.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Bnugg,

Something I've read and heard a lot in the past couple weeks is that when you are confused and people are giving you conflicting advice and you just don't know what to do - STOP and WAIT. Give it ALL up to God and just wait. Take a few minutes a day, maybe go to a church/chapel and just sit and be as still as you can. I have been doing this for a few weeks now and I'll tell you what, I feel such a sense of peace and hope and faith after each visit. But more importantly as I'm sitting there quiet and still, I feel/hear the words "wait and trust in me".

When it comes time for you to take action, He will tell you. But if you are overwhelmed, get quiet - turn off your mind and listen to your heart...

I'll say a prayer for you today!
Mike

First of all thank you. I am not suicidal, or anything like that. I am just having alot of guilt issues. I am having a hard time realizing that I do share the responsibility for our marriage problems. I am also having a hard time excepting the fact that I am not going to be able to live with my daughter starting in 2wks. This is not how I ever intended for things to end up in my life. I have never stopped loving my wife. I just cant seem to find the strength and disipline to do whatever it is that my wife is looking for. I would love to be able to identify all of the things that are driving my wife away. But she wont discuss our marriage anymore.

I have caught myself becoming interested in other women. And I have been letting my gaurd down alittle to talk with women that I meet. I am not looking for anyone. But I am longing for some intimate feelings, loving touches, and I guess sex too. This makes me feel guilty. I know that to act on these feeling would be wrong. I am getting so lonely though. When I get sad about this situation, I tend to withdraw and distance myself from my family. Then I feel guilty for not being around my daughter. Things are just kind of coming to a head right now. I am and will deal with it. I need a way to discuss my feelings and it helps alot to unload here I guess.

I am definately confused right now. I am not really sure what I am supposed to do. I do have a plan. I am going to focus on career, school, getting in better shape, my daughter, and church.
I know there is more out there, but these are the things I will be able to do while over seas.

Thanks again...

Bnugg,

OK, whatever you do, DON'T go the "other woman" route. Take it from me, it will NOT make you happy and the experience will end up taking more "out of you" then it will to fill you up... You are a good man and I can guarantee you IF you do something like that your conscience will not let you forget it...

You are definitely NOT alone... Most/ALL BS's go through the missing part - I know that doesn't help 'much', but hopefully it helps a little in that you know, many of us have been there and those who have, have gotten through it - JUST like you WILL!

Like I wrote previously, the best thing that still works for me are the quick short prayers... So for instance when you feel that wave of dread coming on, or when you are thinking about the future that might not be, just stop and to yourself, say "God, give me strength and remove these thoughts from my mind. Help me live by my heart"... It won't happen instantly, but after a few minutes you will start feeling better... I forget to do this every now and then, but then when I concentrate on doing it, after those few minutes of waiting, I'm utterly amazed at how I actually start feeling better...

Another good idea is to go out and buy a spiral notebook and journal your thoughts and feelings. Write your wife letters, but never send them... There is something in the process of writing that actually acts as a "release"... I think to the person writing, it feels like you actually said the words to the other person, but it is even better in that the other person never even read what you wrote... So in essence you are having a one way conversation, which helps you release all the bad feelings you may be having at the time..

And after some time, you can go back and revist some of the things you wrote. It will show you how far you've actually come in your healing...

I also suggest going to your priest/minister/counselor, just to talk... The best thing is if you have to break down to tears, do it in front of other people you feel comfortable with, so when you do get in front of your wife, you can come across as the strong man she married...

I'll keep you in my prayers this weekend!
God Bless - Chin up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mike

"It sounds like you may be running away from God and He is urging you to come back to Him by placing all these trials in your life?? Maybe?"

I have been thinking about this alot. We did stop going to church. It did seem like we did have a better marriage when we did go to church on a regular basis. My wife said that she has been unhappy for many years, so it is hard to prove that this has added to our problems. I do think it has.

I spent the day with my wife and daughter today. We went to a few stores and had lunch. This is how things have been for awhile now. We had a talk awhile back, and she said she is 100% sure that she wants a divorce. She said that she just wants me to let her go. We havent really had much discussion since this conversation. We cant afford the cost of a divorce at the moment, so I think this is why she hasnt filed yet. I just try to be availible for her if she wants to do something with me. It is hard to tell if she does things with me because she wants to, or if its just for my daughter's sake. I guess I dont really care. I am just happy to have what I have at the present.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am just happy to have what I have at the present.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is a start - to be happy with what you have at the moment. Don't use your time together to talk about your relationship - Try to do your best to just focus "in the minute". The more of those times you have together the better. I know you are leaving soon, but keep faith and ask your wife not to make any "decisions" until you return - ask her out of consideration to you...

Mike

Ok, Im freaking out now. My wife interupted me last night with a... "I still love you and I want to work this out" ! I have been waiting to hear those words for the last six months. I have gone through many emotional stages in this time and I have learned alot about myself. I want this to last and be the best it can be. I dont want the old marriage, I want a new and improved one. I love her very much, and want to do this right.

So...What the hell do I do now?

BTW...Thank you so much for the prayers...they do help, and God does listen. I had a dream that this would happen the night before it happened, wierd huh?

<small>[ June 25, 2003, 03:15 PM: Message edited by: Bnugg ]</small>

Bnugg,

hmmmm.... OK - FIRST go outside and jump and yell and scream! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> (just make sure she does not hear or see you). Get the glee out of your system for now. This is just one step in a long road.

Make it safe for her. Maybe say that you want to work on "us" on "her terms" and in "her time". Say that you believe in your marriage and that it is the most important thing in the world to you.

REMEMBER the "ball is still in her court" - You need to let her lead for right now... Else your enthusiasm may take-over and she may retreat back to her "shell"...

Slow and carefully... I know that you are leaving soon, but know that the love you two have will not die while you are away. If possible maybe see if she would like to come visit you while you are overseas - Tell her that you would "like that" but it is totally up to her. (Of course if this is even possible - not sure where you are going on your deployment)...

Just be calm. It is a great sign and I'm very, very happy for you! God is great isn't he... Just when you least expect it. Make sure you thank Him for that gift and continue to pray for guidance...

God Bless - GREAT news!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Mike