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How many people out here think they will ever re-mary?
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I believe strongly that I will... Then again I'm a glutton for punishment! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> {just kidding} I believe that no one is meant to go through this life alone - That a life alone is not necessarily 'bad', but a life shared with another person is amplified.
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Well let me look into my crystal ball…. Yup gonna get hitched, wait no not gonna. HEY MIKE, quit making faces at me in the crystal ball.
All seriousness aside, I’ve come to a place in my life where I’ve accepted and somewhat welcomed the fact that I will walk the rest of my days without a wife by my side. It’s quite peaceful really. I’m not out on the prowl desperately seeking my next X, but if the good Lord places her in my life I’m sure the journey will be worth taking.
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I don't think I will... ...but you never know. Now that I am a single dad... raising my 2 younger kids... and still raising a 20 year old too... ...I find very little time... for myself. But I'm OK with it... ...since my faith has blossomed ...and grown ...and matured... What time I have for myself... ...I've tried to give to others in a faith-filled way. And... I have developed an understanding that single life can be very beautiful too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Jim/NSR
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I did! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> My hubby came by with a welder and began to remove layers from the suit of armor I was wearing. Honesty and Openess is something we do well together! (among other things <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) I was VERY happy with myself, confident and liked being with myself before this relationship began. That was/is attractive to him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I've known "of my" husband for about 36 years. He 9 yrs and me 12 yrs old. I was babysittng he and his 4 sibblings. Since that one time sitting job, our lives/kids/friends/parents have crossed over and over, we just didn't know it. Edited to add that my husband was a divorced dad with custody of three kids for 15 years, who rarely dated and stayed single because of the kids! <small>[ June 19, 2003, 12:18 PM: Message edited by: Ragamuffin ]</small>
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I was babysittng he and his 4 sibblings.Talk about robbing the cradle! Literally! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Talk about robbing the cradle! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pretty darned slow wasn't I? Waiting this long to finish the job! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
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My big concern about remarrying is my D. She's only 7 and I've been told that I should just concentrate on raising her. That she doesn't need the added stress of a step parent. Sometimes, I agree. But she loves my WH's girlfriend. And I often wonder if I might not find a man who is a better father figure for her than the one she has. I guess I will just love her, raise her, and let trust in God.
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Unfocused, I can tell you from my position as currently a boyfriend to a woman who has two little girls. We have discussed marriage and I can tell you from my own feelings that those girls are so close to my heart already. That no matter how they thought of me if we were to marry, "to me" they would be daughters, which would entitle them to all the love (and support) I have in my heart... And I mean that sincerely. Are there many guys out there who feel as I do? From my experience, no. BUT we do exist. Sure difficulties would/will arise as a step-parent, but I've always believed that the more people children have to love them, the luckier the children are. So to the people who may say "a person needs to be single for their childrens' sake" - I say "hogwash"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And on top of everything, if you ARE happy in a relationship and have a feeling of fullfillment from the other person in your life, isn't that going to give you that much more love to bestow on your children? Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that everyone NEEDS to be remarried. Being a single parent is totally achievable for many out there. I just don't believe in those who state that in NO way should a person remarry because they have children because it wouldn't be fair to them... To me that is a pretty narrow outlook on life.. God Bless, Mike
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When my husband left in February, I told him I would never marry again, he was the love of my life. After all, we had been married almost 23 years. He said the same, but I seriously doubt he will never marry again. In the months since that time, I have realized that I do not want to go through life alone. While I am learning to enjoy my time alone now, I do know that someday I want someone to share life with again. I am not in a hurry though. My son is 16 and has two more years until he graduates, my daughter is in college. Somehow, I picture it easier for my son if I wait until he graduates and is off to college. I am thankful that this didnt happen when they were young children. Although they both hurt, atleast they have some understanding of what is going on. My daughter is a psychology major. Sometimes she scares me, she knows too much.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So to the people who may say "a person needs to be single for their childrens' sake" - I say "hogwash"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...but what a moral lesson in 'keeping to your vows'... you would be giving them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ...and teaching them about what covenant is! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ...is it that hard to set the example our children need??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Jim/NSR
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Ya know Jim.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Good point! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> See I'm a little too close to this issue in that the woman I'm seeing has a mother who tries to be a little controlling and because she got divorced and never remarried, she expects the same of her daughter (the woman I'm seeing)... I just look at it from how much love I have in my heart for her and for her girls. And I see how her X cheated on her and mentally abused her. I see the little concern he has for his girls. I think of how I would love to be able to help provide for the girls, financially and emotionally (because they are just two great kids). I also see how miserable my girlfriend's mother is and I believe much of that comes from her life alone. And finally I see such a bright future for "us" if we move to the next level... But you got me - you make a very good point... One that I never considered... ouch... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Mike
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I agree! I have totally commited myself to raise my children, with the help of God, to have the highest moral standards and to show them by example. I will wait on my W to return. In the mean time, I will concentrate on my Lord and my children.
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Ya' ever notice one of the first things people ask is, "when should I start dating again?" or something along those lines?
Sure, it's a great thing to have, but why pursue it as the "goal" of life?
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123: <strong>Ya' ever notice one of the first things people ask is, "when should I start dating again?" or something along those lines? Sure, it's a great thing to have, but why pursue it as the "goal" of life?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can tell ya why??? Most people have sexual needs and its better to marry than burn with passion and sin. That of course isnt the only reason, but its a BIG one!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Dating of course has to take place first. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <small>[ June 19, 2003, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: ITSOVER ]</small>
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I actually have no idea.
Some days, I think I'd rather remain alone. I really like myself and do okay on my own. Most days however, I really, really miss having someone to share life with.
I think that most people would like to share their life with that one, intimate person who they can call their soulmate. However, I wonder/worry that there isn't anyone "out there" for me. Or if there is, how am I gonna meet him? I live on an island, in the middle of a sugar cane field, work alone and attend a very, very small church. I don't run into alot of men that way. But I also feel that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be...at least for now.
For the most part, I've pretty much given it all up to God. I trust whatever plans He has for me and have asked Him to grant me His wisdom and guide me if the opportunity comes my way.
I do feel that I'm better prepared, esp. from all I've learned on the MB website and in this forum.
Aloha,
Ms.O
NSR and Chris-CA123: Wow! Good to see some posts from other "old timers!" HA! Take care....
<small>[ June 19, 2003, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: Ms.O ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can tell ya why??? Most people have sexual needs and its better to marry than burn with passion and sin. That of course isnt the only reason, but its a BIG one!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can agree wholeheartedly that we all have needs... sexual, emotional, physical, financial, etc. I do believe very much in the MB concepts of the importance of satisfying these needs as a good 'Plan A' (and 4 rules of a good marriage) demands. Very true in building a new or existing relationship(s). But to imply that 'marriage' is a solution to deal with (or satisfy) the 'need of sex'... ...is to demean 'marriage' altogether. Much the same way our society has said... ...if you aren't having "sex" (married or not) ...means you are abnormal. Marriage does not have a 'goal' of "sex" (or SF)... Marriage is the path to ultimate "intimacy".... ...of a profound union... and for some... ...a designed union of pertpetual kinship... (that is covenant... and it is bound by oath!!! [or vow]) Could I ever enter that kind of kinship again?... ...possibly... if I knew that my first marriage was in fact... not a covenantal 'marriage.' I do believe that in the 2+ years since I've been divorced... with hindsight... my first marriage was in fact NOT truely a covenantal relationship... ...but for now... the kinship with my children is my priority... a role I cannot and will not shrink from... even if I have to sacrifice my urges, needs or wants... (my covenant with my children) The priorities of what binds my kinship with my children are my choice. A WS's decision to disconnect from (ok... leave) son/daughter/spouse... is their choice... their burn... their 'sin'. Worth noting: to remarry or not...y r there so many opinions and... FA: I found my bible... and... What the early Church said about conditions for divorcedLove and Aloha, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Jim/NSR
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NO WAY, NO WAY, NO WAY!!! BEEN THERE, DONE THAT TWICE!!! TOO MUCH HURT & PAIN, BESIDES I LOVE BEING ALONE, JUST ME AND MY BOYS. I AM HAPPIER NOW THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE. I LOVE THE INDEPENDENCE THAT I FINALLY HAVE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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I have to admit that I'm glad I rejected the possibility of remarriage while my wife's divorce proceedings were still incomplete. It allowed me to keep my focus where it needed to be, so that by the time the divorce was finalized I had accepted my solitude and I had learned to be happy in it (though still in pain).
I have no interest in getting remarried for the sake of being married. It would take a very special lady and the clear leading of God for me to get married again.
In fact, sometimes I wish that I hadn't met such a lady, since it's driving me a little crazy to know her when God's leading is at the very least "Wait" and quite possibly "She's not for you."
The bottom line is that it's up to God, and my responsibility is to be open to His leading, whatever way He takes me. His plans are always better than ours, however surprising and incomprehensible His ideas sometimes seem...
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Oh yes... ...about what 'society' thinks is ok to do... L.A. Suburb Making Adultery Legal. Turns my stomache... and makes my head spin... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> BTW: notice how the 'liberal' media (KCAL) needs to add to it's heading... "Archaic Law"... Is "You shall not commit adultery!" really Archaic?... ...or what is truely written in our hearts? Do we want our kids to really agree with the idea that... ...adultery is OK? Should I say to my daughter... ...adultery... no problem...???????????? The 'law' says it's perfectly normal... ...and if you believe otherwise... you must be 'archaic'!????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Jim/NSR
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