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How/When to tell kids? Advice needed!!!
#752967 06/19/03 06:56 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 109
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Conan
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Conan
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When is the best time to tell young kids (8 and 5) about the divorce? Do anyone have any good resources to look at for this?

I thought it was best to wait until a few weeks before they saw a lifestyle change (i.e. move).

Thanks.
Re: How/When to tell kids? Advice needed!!!
#752968 06/19/03 07:20 PM
Joined: Sep 1999
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NSR Offline
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NSR
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When you have digest the situation...

with age appropriate discussions...

as soon as possible.

I don't know your details...
...but work on
1. honesty (complete... with explicits of infidelities)
2. your commitment to always be there (you better mean it)
3. your commitment to always be reachable (you better mean it)
4. no knocking the WS.
5. you'll always love them... that's why you're their parent!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR
Re: How/When to tell kids? Advice needed!!!
#752969 06/20/03 08:44 AM
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Conan
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Conan
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Thanks for your reply.

I am very surprised by your suggestion that the details of the reasons for divorce are to be discussed with 8 and 5 year olds. Even if older, I don't see that being a good idea. My W did cheat on me, but I think telling that to the kids is a bad idea... they will blame her for the divorce and I don't see how this is good for them. It may make me feel good somehow, but anything that damages a childs relationship with their Mother cannot be good. Why do they have to know any details?

Any further thaoughts are appreciated.
Re: How/When to tell kids? Advice needed!!!
#752970 06/20/03 09:41 AM
Joined: Feb 2002
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newly Offline
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Go to the library or bookstore, there are great resources. You and your wife should tell the children together, without blaming. You need to show a united front. If you are unable to do this amicably, see a counselor together for coaching on what to tell the children, and have a counselor ready for the children if they need to talk to someone.

And see www.rainbows.org for a class in your area.

It's all about the kids now, not about your feelings or your STBX's. They did not bring this about and should not suffer.
Give them permission to love each of you and to be able to show it. They deserve two parents, and need to know that its' OK>
Re: How/When to tell kids? Advice needed!!!
#752971 06/20/03 03:41 PM
Joined: Mar 2002
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Spacecase Offline
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Conan? Is that you?

Here in TX, divorcing parents are required to take a course called "Children COPE". I understand this course was developed in Georgia and has made it to many states.

It deals EXCLUSIVELY with helping children deal with DV, the hows whys wheres. If you search the internet, I'm sure you'll find something, maybe the material they hand out, or one close to you. It's 1/2 day and here costs $35. VERY VALUABLE info given there.

Best of luck!

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