Hey,

I am new at this so be patient. Hope I am doing this right.
My wife of 7 years has came to the conclusion we are not meant to be together and has had enough. I am still in the house, we get along until I go into my panic mode and pressure her for answers. Then we can't talk for a couple of days. She says I can stay as long as I can stand it. I can't have any physical contact and she says do not expect any. She is a very career minded individual and once she makes up her mind it is set in stone. I may be reading her wrong at times but I seem to get little reactions that tell me I may have a chance. She suggested counsling only as a means to get through this and still be friends. She is my world and Can't imagine life without her but telling her only seems to aggrivate the situation more. Please help because I can't find the strength to give up and move on. I want my marriage back. Thank You

<small>[ June 20, 2003, 12:37 AM: Message edited by: almlost ]</small>

Welcome to Marriage Builders!
You are in the right place. I just want to encourage you to read all the info available on this site, especially about "Plan A". Also, you may want to post (and read other posts) on the "Plan A/Plan B" discussion board located here at MB. A lot of them are where you are now, and some of us here on this "Divorced" board are farther along where you don't want to be (and we don't want to be here either!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It appears there may be hope for you; there are many spouses who won't consider counseling AT ALL, and who leave the house never to be heard from again, or kick the other spouse out. Do you have children?

Last piece of advice: Try to avoid going into "Panic Mode" at all costs. It will probably only drive her further away and serve to confirm in her mind that y'all aren't "meant to be together".

Please gives us details of what happened in your marriage to bring it to this point. Is there any children invilved was there infidelity involed tell us more .

almlost,

You have a couple of "positives" going for you right now:
1) Your W does NOT want to move out (or for you to leave).
2) Your W is open to counseling

Now comes the hard part. You have to be stronger than you ever have. You can't keep putting pressure on her to talk - let her initiate ANY conversation about you both for now. Focus on bettering yourself - improving yourself - buy some books, get some hobbies. By your W living with you, you have a great opportunity for her to witness changes in you - changes for the better.

You have to do your best to keep it all together. It is often very hard to do. But you have to seem strong to your wife. If you fall apart emotionally, it will only drive her further away...

Finally, get to counseling as quick as you can. But don't just pull a counselor out of a hat. My personal opinion is that you find one through your church. Ask around - do your research. There are a lot of good counselors out there BUT there are also a lot of bad counselors out there...

Post here as much as you can... Ask questions... Follow-up with other's answers... Fortunately (or unfortunately) many of us have been there, done that... You have the unique opportunity to learn from our mistakes...

God bless,
Mike

You might want to move to the Emotional Needs boards for those trying to save their marriage.
Read (or listen to ) the His Needs / Her needs books and like all of us, you'll seem some mistakes you've made.

Now you have an opportunity to correct your mistakes and show you wife what a great life you can have together.

Plan A was developed for affairs, but is really helpful in becoming the best person you can be. In your panics, you become a needy, desperate soul who is begging like a dog. It's very unattractive. You need to detach a bit (feelings wise) to be able to get back together.

Good Luck.