It will be 1 year this coming August that I have been divorced! And I am still angry and seem like I can't move on. WHY???

I feel like I am stuck in the EXH syndrom. I hate it and I am mad at myself for feeling this way.

I guess I am angry because EXH has been able to move on and still be with the OW that caused all of our problems in the first place. Angry at him for not allowing me to get on with MY life - meaning not taking the children for ANY visitation and letting me have some down time to at least find myself. I have questioned him on that one and his response is that he pays child support and it is NOT a crime to NOT take the children for any of his scheduled weekends, summer vacations etc. ARGHHHHHHHHHH.

I mean in the past 2 years that we have not been together - he has taken the children for maybe 10 hours. Both of those times where on Christmas Eve for 5 hours and he takes the kids to his parents house. He will stop by the house every 2 weeks to drop of CS, but that is it and he acts like he doesn't understand why the older boys (or should I say my middle boy) doesn't want anything to do with him.

The man fought for joint custody - why? I fill rather stuck. I have been here in GA for 18 years with the only family around me was his family and now that we are divorced they have NOTHING to do with me. I have a small circle of friends but ALL are married.

My sister lives in TX and has been trying like crazy to have me move down there. I have been doing a lot of sole searching on that one and I may have to give it a try. But I am scare! Not sure if its right! Don't have a clue. My oldest boys are 18 and 17 and they don't want to go - So I am trying to hold on until they are out of school before I do this. But its been very hard.

I HATE CHANGE. That is my big problem. My self esteme is shot -I feel very unattractive - I don't venture out much and I HATE IT!

I know I am venting here - And thank you for letting me. What I would like to know is if anyone here has or has had the same feelings I have had, if there Ex's do the same as my ex and how to move forward.

Ok ok. We are practically neighbors. Where in GA are you? Well you gotta friend. And in same boat ok?

You're stil letting him get under your skin. I know a wonderful place where you can drop off kids for a short while when you need time off for several hours...It's great!

And your x is foggy. Feels like his check is proof of fathering. Jethro's idea is that he must be great to have his son at all. That his having son for a while shows he's a great dad...Nevermind he's enabled by his parents (sound familiar?) and ow...I feel your pain about former il's...I call them outlaws.

Well you got a buddy. In the divorce recovery group I used to go to, alot of the women would vacation together and then get a sitter while on vacation to watch their kids. Like rent a condo at the beach and go in together on it. Saved money and was tons of fun for the kids. Plus positive time with the girls. Some went on cruises together. Strength in numbers ok? Remember that.

Youre allowing him to keep you on the coster. Let him crash and wreck with his mistress. Same here. I am letting them crash and burn ok?

And you need to do a good plan A for nobody but you my sister. I am starting a just peachy plan A. Where I take care of myself. Where I do the little things that I've needed to do. And with the teensy amount of dinero I can use from the settlement in 2 weeks, I will have a spa day and take son on vacation later this year. Just he and I at seaworld! Tampa and Seaworld!

Look at this. YOu're not dragging him around anymore. He may seem that he's won but he has lost. You know it. Probably his relatives know it. And hes lost his kids and wife. He will wake up but you don't need to think about it.

It's hard for me. It's day one. But I am moving on and may even have a date soon. I am feeling good about me. Sure he will twist the truth. Make people think I am a bad mom, crazy, badmouth me etc. Try to justify why we got the divorce. But everybody knows. Everybody does. He's outta control. He's wrong and is horrible as a man right now. Self righteous and the sinner big time. And even wanted to justify adultery and fornication in front of his own boy. Geez.

He'll wake up too.

I am single meanwhile. I just went outside to tan and felt great! I am going to clean up around here, go for a jog and then go to see a movie tonight w/girlfriends. I need a new buddy too ok?

So email me...You can get it from John C., LostHusband, Orchid, hotfencesitter, or Formerly Confused. I need a buddy and you're right here! We can piss and moan together ok? But I'd like to keep it at a minimum.

Just remember as I am trying to. I am the one free as YOU are the one free..Our x's are already tied down. And the ink didn't even dry before that happened. No time to savor freedom. To go out for a cup of coffee. To work and improve yourself. To rid yourself of painful emotional baggage. Nope. They've carried all of that into this new "relationship" and it's gonna drag them down now.

We're free. God freed us from the unrepented sins of our spouses. And ya know what? You are unattractive to YOU. Only you. It's how he made you feel. I know. I am not ugly but almost believed that I really was stupid, fat, and crazy like my x wanted me to believe. Only control issues. Now I know I am not. Now I know that he's a liar. Now I know that he isn't at all what he'd like others to believe he is.

And we can date around. Yes sir. When we want to. We can have trips, vacations with our friends and kids (not lovers ok unless we're alone...plus I am no ready for that)and develop new sides to us. Show the idiot that you've blossommed. But do it only for you and the kids. Your children need this now.

I was in kind of a limbo state for so long. Like purgatory. Now I am freed. It feels unbelievable. I thought I'd be mourning but I am not today. I am sure I will mourn later on as we always do that and it's ok if that happens. But overall, I am freed. You are freed. It is THEM WHO ARE THE ONES IN CHAINS. CHAINS OF SIN AND ADULTERY AND STILL CARRYING THE CHAINS BECAUSE THEY NEVER FREED THEMSELVES FROM THE BURDEN.

It's actually a shame. Oh well. One day the fog lifts and they see their path of destruction. Look at Jacky. Her x wanted her back. She had grown so much she said no.

Peachy - you are so damn right - and I am strong but it is still sitting under the surface! I am getting there slowly - but so want it to hurry up! Just want to get on with MY LIFE! No what I mean.

My kids drive me BATTY! There friends drive me batty - but they all think I am the cool mom! Great! But Beth needs to find Beth!

Bye the way - I am out in Snellville! Out by Stone Mountain Park!

I live inbetween Suwanee and Alpharetta. We are neighbors! This is too cool...

Ok ok. We have to talk. Email me at uofmtigrrr@aol.com I think that's the right one.

Let's get the kids together next weekend! I have a dear friend who lives in Snellville. She's great.

This is so awesome! We are able to really support each other and it's not long distance but a short commute. Like anything in ATL doesn't require a commute huh?

Everyone needs a friend.
You are still angry because you feel like you deserve to be ANGRY, but it is only hurting you.
Letting go is hard, but its great for you.

Try to find a divorce support group in your area. They are invaluable. The human contact and interactions are great, and as Peachy said, you might make some great friends. I have, and am truly blessed with them. I am most grateful for those friends who are farther along the recovery path than I am. They have speeded up my recovery, and continue to help me visualize a great future.

So, hook up with Peachy, and expand your boundaries. Your anger is only hurting you! (and your children.) Also, see if there is a local Rainbows class for you and the children. www.rainbows.org. It was great.

Also, get a workbook on Forgiveness to help you understand.