Hi I have a couple of recent posts about what to do about an impending separation and if there is still hope for my marriage.

Recently my wife told me she can't keep trying anymore on our marriage, and upon asking her, "What does this mean? Do you want me to move out?" she responded with yes. So because all of this, I told her that ok, if that is what you want, I will have to respect her wishes.

We are currently in a home that doesn't have much equity yet, so that with all or our other debts that we have together, including mortgage payments, that it takes both of our paychecks to be able to pay all of our bills each month, so as to have a little bit (not much left to put into savings.)

Since my wife currently makes about twice as much as I do (my income is almost exactly what our mortgage payments come to each month), she proposed that she continue to live in our house, since she is the only one of us that could afford to make the payment on our own. She has proposed setting up different banks accounts and taking personal responsibility for all financial obligations, other than my child support payment to my 12 year old son's mother) She just yesterday went and set up her own banks account, and after agreeing which of our two cars we would be driving respectively, has also brought home a title transfer of her respective car to her name only.

My son has his own room in our current house, and he lives with me probably about 1/4 of the time total (including the first half of the summer) I have been looking pretty hard for a decent place, at least a duplex or small house to rent, so that he at least has a place to play outside and move his outdoor basketball hoop to. We also have two dogs, both of which were her idea to get, and I don't think she feels that I like them very much.

I was wanting to know if I am doing the right thing in this situation by agreeing to move out since she makes more money than I (to afford mortgage) and because of the dogs. Should I instead put it back on her, and say if you want a separation then I think it would be best for you to move out. Do you think even though I am trying to give her what she needs, that she is losing respect for me by agreeing so readily to move out of a home that is my home two and my son's home too as well.

We have been married about 5 1/2 years, and for the first 2 to 2 1/2 years, I was the one that was the main "breadwinner" for us. At any rate, what about me being the one to stay in our house, and a different kind of financial arrangement, where she still would be paying on our mortgage, as well as what I can afford.

One final sidenote, I haven't been working as hard as I should to get into a better-paying position with my current employer, as she has requested of me in the past, but I have finally made it a promise to myself to immediately start actively doing so.

Thanks for listenting,

GreggC

Generally, my opinion is that the one who wants the divorce should be the one to move. But, that does not take into consideration the financial reality.

If your net income is approximately equal to the mortgage on the house, it might provide you with a more sane life if you were the one to move. After all, eating is important. Paying other bills is important. There are lots of other things you will need no matter where you reside.

Thanks, Cinderella!!

I agree with Cinderella on the one who wants the divorce should be the one to leave, and again, she is right about the financial obligatory stuff. When you check out legal divorce sites, they say don't be the one to leave the primary residence. This comes into play with child custody later on. Sounds like you already have a son from a previous marriage so the younger child is the one that involves custody with this wife?

Ask yourself honestly, would keeping the house put you in a bind? Would it be likely that you would have to sell and move if you did try and keep it? Think about stability for the kids... if being able to stay in the house with their animals would make life easier for them, then do make the choice to do the right thing for your kids.

Your wife sounds like she has really looked into this divorce if she is already separating assets and checking accounts. I have a feeling she's probably already looked into an attorney and has gotten advice on what to do. My ex planned the divorce for about 4 years, going with separate checking accounts, starting to move assets around and setting things up where it was his best financial advantage.

I would talk to legal counsel and find out your best option to protect yourself, too. Don't start a war, just make sure your interests are protected.

Lori

Well, Gregg, I don't have any solid adivce, but I was in a similar situation when my XW decided to leave.

We had only been in the house about a year, and since we bought it FHA with almost no money down, there was no equity. We couldn't sell the house without losing money, and it looked like neither of us could afford to keep it without the other's income.

I bit the bullet, and stayed in the house. When I did the math, I found out that I could just barely afford to keep up.

The day after she moved out, I got a promotion and a huge raise! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Even with the extra money coming in, it has been a struggle, but I don't for one moment regret keeping the house.

In the long run, it has been a good move financially. Property values have gone way up around here, and I just re-financed at a much lower rate. It has also been good for our daughter. While her mom has moved several times since leaving, the kid knows that she always has a place she can call hers. I think that is very important.

I also got to keep the dog, which has worked out well for both of us!

Of course, every situation is different, but if I were you, I'd think long and hard before walking away from your house.

Make her move out. Suggest that each of you contribute the same amount to the mortgage that you normally do. After all, that was the plan when you purchased the house. Put the house up for sale and when it sells, find another place.

Thanks for all of your advice.

Actually there is only one son involved. He is from my first marriage, and my present wife and I have not had any children. So there is no child support/custody involved her, or that would probably make a big difference.

She never insisted on taking the house. She just said that she is the only one who could afford it. She went through and tried to make up sample budgets for both of us on our own. Since my income amounts to approximately what our mortgage payments are, and since she makes about twice as much as me, she (I thought quite fairly) decided to take on all of the depts that we owe, and gave me only my child support payment. After doing this, we both has pretty much the same amount of money left over. I do not think that she is trying to take advantage of me. maybe I should ask her if whe has seen a lawyer?

Anyway, I just want her to know that I still love her, and that I want to be her friend, and I will pray to ease her pain, as well as my own, and that I want her to be happy. I told her this today, and I also told her that all of this has finally caused me to be a Christian. (The animals are really hers anyway, as she is the one that wanted to get them.) Also, I don't know if I would want the house, as it makes me sad and gives me knots in my stomach being there, with our current situation.

Anyway, I don't think Jesus would fight over this. I think he would want me to pray for her to soften her heart, and I think I will do this too.

Gregg