What pieces of handy information do you all have about this divorce process?

I am going to consult a lawyer in a couple of weeks. I am also going to see an accountant about how best to protect my (few) assets.

I am partly motivated by a sense of injustice I will admit.

The first year we were married, both of us were students. I worked half of a full time job, plus full time study for that year. He got a student allowance. Then over the next summer, I worked to support us both. He spent his days surfing the internet. I saved up some of this money and bought us a car, which he had full use of. I paid the bills, insurance for it etc.

Then we both got jobs in '99 I went back to school in 2000 to do teacher training. He was earning good money in his job, but refused to support me in any way. I had to work half of a full time job again plus do full time study. Meanwhile, he used the car to get to work and I either cycled or took the train. Sometimes this meant a 50 minute commute by 2 trains. He only worked 5 km from our house, BTW. At the end of that year, he bought his own car. I wasn't allowed to drive it, and I had to lend him some money for it too (I was a student!!!).

For the last 3 years that I have worked, there has been a large discrepancy in our incomes, in the order of tens of thousands of dollars. We have split all bills (rent, groceries, utilities) 50-50 the entire time we have been married, despite being able to contribute very different amounts to the household.

Then he had an affair, and left. Dday was about 6 weeks after he left. I now discover that he seems to have a porn addiction. So the decision to divorce is imminent.

Is it worth pursuing money issue? Or will it make things long and drawn out? I expect WH would like to have an amicable divorce (where I just agree to whatever he wants to do) . I don't feel any obligation to accommodate his wishes, having had so much by way of disrespect and selfishness from him lately, and over the course of the marriage with his lack of sharing and support.

I feel like he deserves to get away with as little as possible at this stage. And yes, it is a form of vengeance. After what I have been through, it is time that WH faced some consequences for his actions. He has not really had to face any so far.

ClaireL

Your situation and mine are similar. My WW participated in my business to a small degree over the years and legally is entitled to 1/2 of the value. WW just up and left everything business home (actually I threw her out). I am very motivated to make her pay dearly for her affairs.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is it worth pursuing money issue? Or will it make things long and drawn out? I expect WH would like to have an amicable divorce (where I just agree to whatever he wants to do) . I don't feel any obligation to accommodate his wishes, having had so much by way of disrespect and selfishness from him lately, and over the course of the marriage with his lack of sharing and support. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It might be worth persuing depending on the laws of your state. Most states just simply divide everything, assets and debt, 50-50 and thats the end of it. My attorney said the fact I had a WW and assets may have not been created equally meant nothing. Courts to not have the time or the inclination to dole out true moral justice. They just want to spit out the divorce assets 50-50 and be done with it, no questions asked. With kids involved its different.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel like he deserves to get away with as little as possible at this stage. And yes, it is a form of vengeance. After what I have been through, it is time that WH faced some consequences for his actions. He has not really had to face any so far.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I feel exactly this way. When WW left the business it could have easily failed. This would have caused us to loose just about everthing we have accumulated over the 20 year duration of our business. Talk about irresponsible. WW still does not see or care about her actions and the damage it causes. I am working 10 hours, 6 days a week keeping the business alive while she is on a vacation of some sort with OM. Talk about injustice. The only good thing in a way about my situation is that the company has considerable debt. WW will either have to pay me her 50% of that debt or trade out her equity in our home which I am keeping. I don't really think WW has a clue about any of this.

I think you should find a good accountant, talk to an attorney and take it day by day.
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Me BS 51
WW 47
married 24 years
Son 22, Daughter 20
D-Day #1 1980
D-Day #2 1981
D-Day #3 1987
D-Day #4 April 2003
Plan B 6/1/03
Asked WS to move out
Filing for divorce end of June 03