Found out earlier this year that XH's mistress was expecting before our divorce was final in March. Found this out last month on our youngest son's 4th birthday. Just wondering if anyone has some advice as to how to explain this to our children. I know H wont even attempt....he as yet to explain OW, where she came from, why he is living with her...and now her belly is swelling up and I know he hasnt attempted to explain anything to my youngest two sons......11 and 4 who visit him....My oldest son who just turned 16 last month has very little to do with XH.....and when I have attempted to talk to him about the latest development...he simply says...Mom, I really dont want to discuss Dad or his pathetic life....so I haven't pushed him.....The middle one, he has commented that she is getting fat and that they are painting a room for a nursey ....that she wasnt smoking as much....actually his observations were the reason I ask XH ....dont guess he would have told me if I hadnt inquired....anyone out there have any suggestions on how to handle this with my sons.....what is my 4 year old going to think when the baby shows up........

It's not up to you to explain. Let him explain. When they ask you questions, tell them you don't know. Because you really don't know the circumstances (nor do you really want to know).
Just be honest with them.
The 16YO can certainly calculate the conception date, and X will need to explain becoming a man to the 11 YO soon.

May god bless you and your family. Keep healing.

F4U - there is nothing to explain. Your husband is living in sin everyday of his life. The other woman is living in sin, and this poor child that is growing in her womb will face the fact it was created out of wedlock. Also, the marriage won't last. Any marriage made out of lies, deceit, shame, and adultery won't make it.

As for the 16 year old. He is well aware of the circumstances that his father created. Just be there for him. Take time and have a day with your 16 year old son. When the baby comes, he will figure it out. That dad was being an adulterous man still married to you. If you have the finances, I would suggest counseling for this young man.

As for the 4 year old. He understands that the family is broke up. He sees the woman with her belly growing. And sees that a nursery is being painted. I would tell him the truth, that daddy and the other woman created a baby, and it is due in (month). No they are not married. But daddy, is needing to provide for this child too. You could state your feelings, that what they have done is not right, God doesn't see it as right. But honey, I will always be there for you, and if you have any questions, please come to me. Have a special day with this little 4 year old. He will see for himself one day. And for you to just be there for him everyday is what he needs.

I am sorry that your x-husband created a mess. All of us betrayed spouses have had to endure the pain, lies, cheating and deceit. Life is not fair, and one day your husband will realize the big mistake he created. Good luck.

Yes I agree, my oldest son will deal with his Dad and the betrayal of our family in his own time. I have attempted to get him to talk to counsler, I have a christian counsler that my middle son sees, my baby, he talks to him some too when we are there but oldest son won't go much. He understands what has happen and does struggle to some degree. I support him as much as possible and we do have a great line of communication. He is very open and honest with me and right now, I think he is doing ok. If I feel he is in trouble, I will insist he go but for now, he is doing ok...he will be a Jr in high school next year. I just bought him a sort of vintage car, an 81 Mercedes in really good running condition and the body is in good shape as well. We got lucky with this one. Anyway, he just started a new job to help pay the expenses and is looking forward to getting his licenses. He a good kid. I really dont know what their Dad is thinking ...he is such a mess. You would have to be to do what he has done. I now know he is sick and I look at him with kindness as much as I can. Sometimes he makes it extermely difficult for me but I keep trying. I know I have to for my sake. I dont want to waste anymore time, energy hating him, it only hurts me. What ever he and OW do, well I really dont care anymore...it's so funny, I remember him telling....I want to be free, I want to be me....well he got his freedom...ha ha...another baby on the way doesnt sound like much freedom to me....BUT LOOK AT ME!!!! Wow, I have a chance for a new beginning, new dreams, I will be the winner and he....well.....tied down again and with someone who he may or may not love.......only time will tell....but for me...wow...I have the future to make it what I want it to be.....looking forward to it.......Thanks again
Dianne