He's following me around more. And asking where I am if I don't leave at the right time. Stuff like that.

I think I'm going to have to chat up the boyfriend stuff.

It's a bit like stalking. He knows when I take a break. What door I go out. Which direction I might head. And he watches. He will wait outside the ladies' room for me.

That is kind of spooky! I don't remember the other thread that you refer too!

Is there someone at work that you can tell?

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I remember the thread, but agree with Dawn. If it's really getting to be like stalking, you should do something to protect yourself.

I was flattered soon after my WH left by phone calls from the 25 year old son of a coworker. But, in two phone calls, he was already too forward, shall we say. I told my STBX about it (as in, you may have a 22 yr. old girlfriend, but I've got a 20-something interested in me too).
Ironically, it worked, he got jealous and apparently threatened the kid and he stopped calling.

But the point of this story is that the kid started calling another recently separated coworker friend of mine and hasn't let up. I don't know if he's dangerous, but he's definitely got a few screws loose, like Officer Swindell and who wants someone like that following/calling you?

He accosted, i think that is the word, my best friend yesterday and grilled her about my leaving late Tuesday night and about my being off Wednesday. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't want to get him in trouble. But, if I take an afternoon break, he will do his best to find me.

I think you should IMMEDIATELY inform your employer, his employer and the building manangement (they hired the security company).

Don;t put up with piddly little responses from them (we can't do anything since nothing has happened (yet)).

It may seem kind of silly now but it COULD end up to be much more than that.

Ok, let's assume I know that things are escalating a bit. And let's assume I hate being rude. And let's assume I hate getting people into trouble. And that I have to build up courage. And that I hate confrontation.

I've already talked with my friend from work about my boyfriend in front of this man and about the advantages of marrying or not marrying the bf. This is only for the sake of telling this kook that I am not interested in him.

So, today friend and I went on break at usual time. We left the office through a different door becaus O.S. always stands where he can see us go out the usual door. We finished our break without sighting. And, when we returned to the office, my friend started to go in one door and I said to go in a different one. She said, fine, you usually are right on these things. We got to within 20 yards of safety in the office when, there he came. He had been waiting at the other door.

So, please help me here.

Do I tell this man to stay away or do I go to my immediate supervisor and then to my office manager and then to his company. Or do I calmly and politely go to his company on my own and tell them I'm growing resentful and concerned. Could I ask if he could just be assigned to patrol the far end of the parking lot from 3-5:15 pm?

How does a woman tell a man less than half her age to go take a long walk off a short plank?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cinderella:
<strong>Do I tell this man to stay away or do I go to my immediate supervisor and then to my office manager and then to his company.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">cinderella-

Please read your own posts on this issue again. Does that help clarify anything?

I vote with Chris. Tell your supervisor and let the guard's supervisor know some how. Maybe there is some kind of company policy on this where your company notifies the security firm. Heck there are probably even security tapes around that would add to the evidence of his stalking behavior. You also have witnesses to this behavior. If you'd rather approach the guard on this, do it with male and female witnesses with you. Don't take any chances.

HoFS

I go to my immediate supervisor and then to my office manager and then to his company.
You do all three & you let all three know you have/will talk with the other.

I'm considering asking someone to walk me out each night just so I won't have to deal with this man.

How do you tell a man, a boy, that you want him to go away when all you really have is just intuitive feelings and what other people have said.

Anyone want to help me find the words?

Anyone want to help me find the words?
Hello Officer Swindell. I am just letting oyu know that I am not interested in anything more than a professional, working aquaintance with you.
Have a nice day.

Then you go tell your boss, his boss & the building manangement that you feel nervous because he shows up all the time and let them know you have told him you were NOT interested. Now the ball is in THEIR court. By telling all three (and letting them know you told the others), you make sure they don't blow it off. It IS sexual harrassment and they are REQUIRED by law to do something.

Don't worry about him. He won't get into trouble as it has not been previously addressed by you or them. But now it is on the record and if it continues...

I'm considering asking someone to walk me out each night just so I won't have to deal with this man.
When you are even thinking of having to have someone walk you to your car, it is time to do something...

<small>[ June 27, 2003, 10:10 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Cinderella

This is stalking behavior. Do not stop with just your supervisor and his supervisor. Contact the police imediately. Stalkers turn violent in an instant when they perceive their control is being limited or changed.

Do NOT risk your life for this guy.

Jan

Yipes!

I agree with Chris. Having been stalked in college by the son of a senator (thus the kid could get away with murder) I think it is imperative that you be firm yet kind so there is no mistake.

I would tell him that you are glad for his caring, but that he should treat you the same as everybody else that works there. Let him know that you are glad to be his friend, but that is where it ends. That you are happily spoken for and that your business is your business. Tell him that your relationship with him is the same as your relationships with your other co workers but that your feelings just are what they are and will never change.

They , the stalker type, think that you give them hints. YOu have to be kind and drop words like, never, firm, etc but friendly like into conversations.

I would have the talk first. Then give it a few days to see if his behavior improves before going to his supervisor...Why? Those who stalk get veeeery angry easily and instead of taking steps to change their behavior when told to do so by a superior, they just take aggression instead out on you. Project the frustration of being disciplined by a superior onto you thus the whole thing is "your fault". I told the dean of the law school where this guy went and my program director from the med center called the dean as well. The guy was placed on probation at law school and then went wacko. His behavior escalated dramatically and then he was caught on a security camera keying the side of my car (only 4 inches long thank goodness...) after he dropped off roses with a threatening note at my dormitory front desk. They threw him outta law school the next week after the campus security guards showed the dean the tape of the parking garage where he keyed my car. Gosh I haven't thought about this in 11 years...

Don't tip him off. See if your talk works first. Then he saves his ego and he isn't angry. He may just be kinda "slow" picking up that you don't dig him ok?

I would tell him that you are glad for his caring,
I say don't tell him that you are glad for his caring, especially since you don't. Don;t let him think you "may" be even slightly interested in his feelings or in him in any way. Keep it short and very direct.
Tell him once and only once. Don't keep telling him to buzz off.

All this MAY be a case of over-active hormones on his part. But it may not.

As the saying goes, "nip it in the bud."

<small>[ June 27, 2003, 11:05 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Cinderella,

Talk to the young man..ask him if there is a reason he's following you around..say something like...

I am really flattered, but it bothers me to know your following me around, and asking my friends about me..I don't know if you realize it or not,
but although I am divorced, I am dating someone else right now..and we are pretty serious..

I appreciate the fact your trying to ensure my safety, but it is bordering on the line of harrassment, and stalking, and I'd really hate to have to report it as such.

And see how he responds...

If you do decide to by-pass talking to him and choose to bring it up to your supervisor instead,
or just bring it to your supervisors attention as well after you've talked to him...

Ask your supervisor if they have noticed this man watching other employee's the way he watches you
come and go--and tell them that it is begining to spook you..

as he may do this with others that your not aware of..or may have in the past and have already had complaints against him about it..

If they haven't noticed him following you and watching you...they would be sure to make note of it and keep an eye out for it..and would probably
then go to his supervisor and talk to him...

Or if they have video camera's around the company
they may have it on video..and could investigate further that way...

No matter what you decide to do..don't worry about him getting in trouble..think of your own safety...

I'm considering asking someone to walk me out each night just so I won't have to deal with this man.

can you call the security company he works for and alert them to the fact that Officer so and so at such and such is making you feel uncomfortable..and explain it to them..they will tape your conversation but at least this way he will be dealt with, or moved to another place,

I would not approach him alone if at all...

BUT..if you do..tell him you are uncomfortable with him appointing himself your personal body guard..

actually this is what they are hired for to be able to call on to walk you to your vehicle...
now your having to have someone walk you to protect you from the officer..how crazy is that?

let the place who hired him know too it is an on going thing, document the dates and times..should be easy as you take your breaks..so then they can even pull tapes to verify it if they have to..

it is not fun..and you will start experiencing night terrors soon..
remember ted bundy? he worked as a security guard.

and with the amount of men they cannot track who are unregistered sex offenders..I think you cannot be too careful who knows he might be in the mug books..some where..

be careful and follow your instincts..meanwhile we will cover you in prayer..
Keep on Keeping on..

and check in here EVERYDAY...ok..give someone some info you trust so they can get help if your not on boards..phewww...nerv racking.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

do you carry a cell phone? make sure your phone is on when you leave and have 911 already accessed.
and what ever you do, do not call your security..or he would come help..
were you nice to him at one time?
you need to set up more boundries and not be so friendly to others, get a guard up and when your with opposite sex..keep that distance between you..
there is an officer on here..he should be able to tell you those tips..like in a car if somene is
following you..do NOT go home..but go to a police station and honk the horn...do not ever get out of the vehicle or pull over..if you go to a gas station..and see people get their attention to by honking and carry a help sign in your car with you..there are lots of things to do to protect yourself..be safe.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Next time he starts a conversation, whip out a notebook or a tape recorder. Inform him that "You may not think this is an inappropriate discussion, but I do. So let's allow your supervisor (or an attorney/whoever) to decide."

I've stopped a lot of tacky behavior in it's tracks with that one.

What's going on?

I've been fortunate and not gotten close to him this week. Have gotten out of the office about 5 minutes early. Have taken breaks and left through a different door. But he was waiting nearby when I returned from break this afternoon.

So who's in control here? YOu are changing your behaviour patterns.....getting stressed out, spending time worrying about where he is.....that's no way to live.

You've made it obvious you are not interested, I'm sure he's noticed your change in habits. Since he hasn't stopped, he may be enjoying the power he has over you. You need to stop him immediately. Even if he's not dangerous, he's seriously affecting the quality of your life.

Don't even bother talking to him.....report him immediately to your supervisor, his supervisor, etc. And maybe a male coworker could have a nice chat with him about minding his own business and leaving you alone?

All the smokers in my office hang out in one place - I am not among them, neither is my friend with whom I go on break. OS hangs out with them until he sees us come out.

Today, we left by the other door and saw him coming down the hall behind us. We rounded a corner and ran to the bathroom.

After that, we headed to our outdoor spot and there he was - waiting for us.

We are both ENFPs so we have great difficulty not talking to others.

Both my friend and I are old enough to be his mother.

Last night, he met my friend at her car and she had to practically shut the door on him to get away.