How do you *know* when you're stuck in a box?" she asked.
"What are the symptoms when your old ways of thinking and
living aren't working anymore?"

Great question...so here, in no particular order and with
a little overlap, are the top 10 warning signs that usually
signal we're stuck and it's time to make a change.

When we're boxed in....

#1: We feel like we're out of options, choices and
strategies ...like there's *no way out*. Not only are
we *convinced* that's true, we're also ticked at anyone
who dares tell us any different!

#2: We're tired a *lot*...have little or no energy...often
get depressed and are easily overwhelmed by negativity.

#3: We're busy...God knows we're busy!...with never ending
to-do lists and most of it feels sooooo meaningless! Plus
we've got this voice inside that refuses to shut up and
keeps asking: "What's it all about? What's it all for?
What's the point?" And we know the voice is right, but
we don't want to admit it...because then we'll have to
deal with it.

#4: Our life looks just like everybody else's...a cookie-
cutter copy...nothing special...and that scares the hell
out of us.

#5: We spend our days chasing other people's dreams while
ours wither and die. We may even have forgotten what *our*
dream was in the first place...or we haven't got a clue
where we're going or how we'll get there.

#6: We get up everyday and go through the motions, tread-
milling our way through a life we endure...*not one we
enjoy*. We feel like a hamster running in a wheel, going
nowhere fast.

#7: We feel hopeless. "This is it," we think, "and all I
can do is put up with it!" Like we're somehow the poor,
helpless victim of circumstances we can't do anything
about...so we let "them" run our lives and tell us what
to do, be, and have. And we hate that!

#8: We hurt a lot. Our body physically aches from all the
stress, resentment, anger, frustration and other feelings
we've stuffed down over the years and refused to deal
with. And we're sick a lot.

#9: Our attitude's negative, to say the least. We're
always beating ourselves up ("You are so stupid! Now
look at what you've done! Dummy, how could you!"), and
we focus on how "bad" things are and how "bad" they're
going to become. As for the upside, the good that can
happen, the opportunity calling..."Yeah, right!"

#10: The magic and excitement in life are gone. Some-
where along the way, we lost the wonder and awe we felt
when we were kids...when life was full of hope and
possibilities. Now it's become so "serious!" and little
more, really, than a never-ending list of things that
have to get done...it feels empty.

What symptoms do you have when *you're* boxed in and
it's time for a change? Do you catch them early and deal
with them head-on...or go into denial and hope they'll
just go away?

Which symptoms are you experiencing right *now*? What
are you going to do about it?

Let me know...

© Pat Lynch, 2003. All rights reserved.

(Please feel free to forward this on.

***********

]

<small>[ June 26, 2003, 08:32 AM: Message edited by: Free ]</small>

Awesone post-

I need to print this out and really think hard about it. For a long time it was all ten. Now I have it down to 5.

Thanks.

Dear Free, How does a person find a way out of the "box"? kk

KK, I don't know if I can answer that with specifics.

I think one of the most imprtant things for, me anyway, was to have a goal. Set your sites on where you want to be in life. Pray about it. If you're not going anywhere in particualr, it's easier to stay in that box or rut.

Then I asked myself what it would take to get there. You have to look at what you've tried and if it's not working then you have to do some analyzing of the situation. Ask God for wisdom.

Make a plan of action.

Let go of fear of failing to meet your goal. Have faith in God and learn to trust your gut feeling.Worst case senerio..you fail to meet it and are right back where you started or somewhere else, but you try again.

You can say you don't like your life or something about it but then comes the need to figure out just what it is that is or has became unacceptable.

For me, the first step to getting "out of the box" was to really get to know who I am, what I want out of life, and putting forth the ambition and persuing it.

It involves changing the way you think. You have to learn to think out of the box. It is so easy to go along and do things the traditional way and not explore other avenues.

The "box" not matter how unhappy or unfulfilling has one thing going for it that keeps people in. It's called a comfort zone. It's predictable. I think a lot of times that is why some marriages get so far gone. Even tho they are not exactly what we want, it is comfortable in the sense that it runs itself and doesn't take much effort. By the time we can no longer take it, it takes less effort to end than to change it.

Changes take effort, a plan, and determination.

Don't expect not to fail or fall short once in a while. Give yourself room for a mistake now and then and learn from it. Nobody is perfect and if you think you will never make a mistake or blow it, you are just setting yourself up for failure.

Having said that, believe in yourself.

Oh yeah, and don't forget to thank God for everything. Even our mistakes are useful as stepping stones and learning tools.

Hope this helps.
Free

<small>[ June 27, 2003, 07:23 PM: Message edited by: Free ]</small>

Free, that is wonderful. How do you keep coming up with so many good things. Not JUST these, but allof the good advice and inspiration that you've given me and others?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Gregg

this inspiration and knowledge is fine but the main issue is how to put it into action. i feel that i have got bored doing just about everything. my marriage is on the rocks. just anything i do does not make me happy.
i want to go the gymnasium every evening and to the beach every morning for walk/jogging.
i want to do Yoga
I want to do swimming.
I want to finish reading some selfimprovement books on improving memory
i want to play chess etc.

but in the end i just do not have any energy. even my work i just continue like a zombie.

i have all the proper nutrition but nothing seems to work.

it is like i have arrived at a dead end.

Please help

Thanks Gregg. I do a lot of soul searching and inner reflecting. If I am not comfortable about something I want to know why. It's not enough for me to just want to make it go away or deny it. I want to understand it.I don't want to over shadow it with someting to divert my attention. I want to settle it once and for all.

Marriage28
As far as putting them into action, that is a little more difficult, especially when you are already exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. I went through a severe depression a short time back and it was extremely difficult to put what I know into use.

I really don't know how to tell anyone to take that first step. It depends, I think, on the real reason you can't get going.

My situation was this; My marriage began improvement in Dec 02. This is also when I had decided it was over. My H wanted towork on it tho and I said ok, we will try. However I was so exhausted that Ireally didn't have the energy to put into it. Basically all I had to offer was the willingness to let him try. Things improved dramatically within the first month. This included counseling and anti-depressants for H. I also had some medical things going on during this time for which I was seeing a dr. for. Then in March aa tragedy struck. My dad called me at 4:50 am and said he didn't feel well and could I take him to the dr. I said yes and went to get him. He didn't seem too bad of shap and was not in a lot of pain. He was talking to me and he walked to the car. We started tothe hospital. I called mybro to let him know as he is a dr. The hospitalwas 40miles away. About 15 milesfrom the hosptial my dad became non responsive. I called my brother back immediatly, while driving 105 miles per hour. I chose not to stop and waste time trying to do anything that I probably couldn't do anyway. After calling my bro Icalled 911, by now I was 4 min from the hospital. The hospital had been notified by my brother when we startedout and he told them it wasa heart attack, healso had a cardiologist on standby in another dity as this is a small town. My brother lives about 1.5 hours from where we were going. Anyway, when I arrived, there was no one prepared or even had the door open. I had to beat on the door or the er. Finally this nurse came smiling and said can I help you? I told him Ihad my dad in the car and I couldn't get a pulse and he wasn't breathing. To make a long story shorter, there was noone to help us get him inside. I tried carrying hiselgs with his shoulders on a wheelchair toget him inside. Once inside this guy is telling me to help get him on the table. I could not lift him and I told the guy to get some help. It was a total fiasco in more ways than I can count. I got through it remarkably well. My dad died that morning. I talked at his funeral and got through it very well. However one week later I started having flashbacks of the terrible ordeal and something happened tome that I could not control. I was in counseling and taking an anti depressant. It got so bad that the dr said I could notgo back to work and I was off work for 2 months. During this time I did not want to do anything, talk to anyone, go anywhere. It was like I was lost inside myself and could'nt find my way out. The dr finally uponmy request changed the anti depressant Iwas taking and in one week I was so much better and have had steady improvement since. My marraige is the best it's been in 22+ years!

Sometimes we need a little extra help. I knew what I should do to help myself I just could not bring myself to do it. Other than ask the dr for different medication.

If you really cannot get going, maybe an anti depressant is in order. I am not a pill pusher but I believe it is the only thing that could bring me around this time.
Just a thought.

There was also a book I ran across that helped me so very much. It is called "Emotional Resilience" but David Viscott. It really shows you how to get to know yourself and I have learned a lot from it. I don't know if it is still in print but I think they had it at amazon or B&N website. I can't remember which one. It is well worth the reading.

I am also a procrastinator and I just bought the complete idiot's guide to overcoming procrastination. And as procrastination would have it, I haven't read it all yet!

Thanks
Free

<small>[ June 28, 2003, 10:17 AM: Message edited by: Free ]</small>

Married28,
After having read your post "Should I divorce" and learned a little more about your situation I can say that my other answer to you probably doesn't fit the situation.

Please get to know yourself. Be totaly honest with yourself. What do you really want out of life and is it realistic or at the expense of someone else?

As long as we blame others for our unhappiness, it will stay that way. If they are at fault, who is giving them the power to make us unhappy? We are. We allow ourself to be unhappy.. We are responsible for our own lives. We cannot depend on someone else to keep or make us happy. We can change how we think and choose to react.

If circumstances contol us then we will always be miserable. Of course when we take responsibility for our happiness, we have no one to blame but ourselves if we are unhappy. Some people just don't want that responsibility.

We cannot expect anyone to change to make us happy because even if they did they would still fall short. We can change ourselves to be happy if we want to.
Free