I am married just 4 months and I am already in deep problem regarding compatability with my spouse. Below are the problems:
Our Leisure Interests do not match

I want and she does not want

Reading books on metaphysical matters, General knowledge, Self-improvement etc.
Playing chess
Playing action strategy and adventure video games
Meditation
Watching English movies
Watching nature documentaries

She wants and I do not want

Socializing
Parties
Dinner outing
City outing
Sightseeing
Shopping
Church

Things I do not like in her:
Stubbornness
Her close-minded, not bothered nature towards my leisure interests
Her criticizing nature towards my leisure interests and many other things that I do or propose to do or have done.
My comparisons about my character, physical looks, caring nature etc. with her friends/relatives/others.
Her moods offs at silly issues/things
Her dominating controlling nature towards the things I buy
Her past
Her nail biting
Not drinking 5 liters of water on a daily basis
Constant expression of her expensive desires: touring Europe, buying a car, bungalow.
Complaining and nagging talks despite my best efforts to satisfy her.
Not interested in listening to most of my talks other than silly conversations.
Her back posture
Not interested to massage
Not interested to have sexual intimacy because I do not look good
Her total lack of appreciation to any of my achievements or things that I do.
Her lack of interest in things that I enjoy about her and want her to do for me.
Her tit for tat attitude for everything.

Our Leisure Interests do not match
So? Why do they have to match?

Things I do not like in her:
Her moods offs at silly issues/things
They may be silly issues/things to you...

Her dominating controlling nature towards the things I buy
Don't you discuss purchases?

Her past
You don't like her past? Her past is NEVER going to change. Accept it or don't, but stop

Not drinking 5 liters of water on a daily basis
What?

Constant expression of her expensive desires: touring Europe, buying a car, bungalow.
So dreams and desires should not be discussed around/with you? Europe may be out of the question (but still a good dream) but a house & car are usually at least considered in most relationships.

Her back posture
Are you serious?

What GOOD things do you see in her? Why are you together?

Why did you marry her 4 months ago? How about unrealistic expectations.

Read the Concepts on this site, not the boards.
Stop attacking your wife, and start working on yourself. Change your behavior/attitude before you expect someone to change theirs.

Perhaps move to the EN board, rather than the D/D board.

Wow, interesting post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I have to echo the comments of the others.

How did you two even get close to being married? What did you do, date for a week and then tie the knot?

My WW and I are divorced now but I can think of many more good things about her than bad. And she cheated.

Not to be critical but you sound like you have very high expectations, to the point of being unreasonable and controlling.

Please try to see her good points as you did when you married her, if you knew her at all.

Best of luck....

<small>[ June 26, 2003, 02:31 PM: Message edited by: getting better ]</small>

M28,
My apologies. Just read your other thread. I didn't know it was an "arranged" union for you and your wife. I understand your difficulties much better now.

Best wishes to you both.

Learn to love her for who she is, not for who you only want her to be. I hope you did not marry her so she could become a clone of you. You married her to expand your world and to do things to make her happy....(not just use her to make you happy).
You are only beginning to find out about self-sacrifice and how wonderful love will be!...
make the effort to be a student of your wife...
& please her...she'll respect and love you for it...and she might just decide to accompany you then on what you like to do!

Get started...set an agreed upon reasonable budget...take her shopping...watch her smile!... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My apologies. Just read your other thread. I didn't know it was an "arranged" union for you and your wife.
It was arranged BY him, not for him.

why are men always given the stick???
why are men always put to blame for everything. It was fine 50 years ago rather even 20 years ago but now times have changed now men and women are almost on equal terms. then why do we tend to take the women's side always.
My wife does not even do one thing to make me happy. all the time she is worried about things that would make her happy.
She thinks that I am having all the problems and she is absolutely fine but everyday she has to shout and cry
When we met she told me she will change a lot but now she has not changed but got worse.
okay men are supposed to be strong but are there not humans. do they not have feelings.
I always feel that i am the giver and she the taker.
The worst worst thing of it all is she does not want to improve our relationship as she thinks that everything is my fault and she is absoultely perfect.

I am all the while trying to take good care of her. The reason i wanted her to drink 5 litres of water daily was she always suffers from constipation or dehydration or dry skin. when i checked with the doctor he said to make her drink 5 litres of water to take out the toxins in her blood.
i have to make her eat everything.
I do not remember even one day she telling me to eat.

so, get a divorce. . . .

stop the gender bending, and stop whining about whether you have an inny or an outty. . .

either learn to accept who she is, not who you want her to be, or get divorce, especially sinc eyou sound so young and immature

wiftty

Marriage28,

You seem to have a lot of issues you need to resolve, not so much as with her, but with yourself.

Only you can decide if you should divorce. Until you can accept your wife for who she is will you even beging to be happy. How niave is it to think that she would change so much to suit you after the marriage. People do not change just to suit other nor can you make her change.

If you had asked yourself "Should I marry her" before hand you would not have to be asking "Should I divorce".

So what if she doesn't drink 5 liters of water a day. ?That is her choice. I'm sure her posture didn't develope after you were married and if it bothered you so much why did you marry her? It almost sounds as if you have very low self esteem and thought you could use this opportunity to mold her into someone who would make you feel better about yourself. It doesn't work that way.

I don't think we take the woman's side all the time and expect men to be so strong that their feelings are not important. Your feelings are important, but not at the expense of someone else.

I don't know what your culture is but this is 2003 and we cannot get along as we did 50 years ago.

You have some big choices to make the way I see it and divorcing is only one of them. You are focusing on what you don't like about your wife and the more you focus on that, the less you will like her for anything she is or does.

Could it be that you are the one you really don't like and have not admitted that to yourself? I am not taking her side at all, it just seems your complaints and unhappiness ring of a problem you have with yourself.

Why did you marry her? There wasn't much adressed about love. The only way I could answer your question was if I was your wife and then I would say an definite "yes". But I am not.

A lot of problems can be overcome in a marriage with work on both sides. You sound bitter and resentful tho and that is something you have to work on if you want to be happy.

The plus side of this is, you have only 4 months of complaints to deal with and not several years to overcome. The first step I think would be to leave the pitty party and get real.
Good luck.
Free

<small>[ June 28, 2003, 10:47 AM: Message edited by: Free ]</small>