Yesterday was a huuuuuuge meltdown for me. Felt like I couldn't do anything right, couldn't provide for my baby, etc.

Went scouring for homes after work and during inbetween patients yesterday looked for lease/purchase homes.

A few months back, found a very small yet nice townhome community near a very prestigious giant subdivision. Nice school. Upscale area. Met the builder and went by again yesterday. Just so happens, the model home is up for lease/purchase. I spoke with him about it. It is 3 stories, will have fenced in backyard, upgrades galore, very pretty inside w/all new berber carpets. Not swim and tennis but could join the Y down the street with waterslides and fitness everything. Very nice area in Alpharetta. The rent would be 700 less than what I pay now and it's nicer inside and will have a nice fenced in backyard. Small but very nice and nice deck too. Am going to go inside it again today with son.

Also called a finance specialist with a large homebuilder and explained my situation to him. it's good so far. I am going to meet with him after doing the cc consolidation today.

Sooo...Here's what I am doing. 1)son signed up for soccer 2)new job interview next wed...prayers pleeeeeasee! 3)cc consolidation 4)looking where to move.

Ok. credit won't be good b/c of the non payment to us by Jethro for six months. But I am going to start positive and try to do what I can now. Know within a month I will have a job as my profession is well needed. Will be able to afford the rent at this home and maybe could even directly purchase it from the builder. It is very very nice.

I am trying to focus on what I can do vs. what I cannot do. Thanks buds for calling and responding to me on earlier post. I needed it. Mom of 4, hotfencesitter, orchid, Formerly Confused (I promise I am going to call you today), John C, Bill, faith4me, kaylandy, I love all of you guys.

You've all been so great. IT's really hard when you have so much thrown at you at one time...I mean last week I 1)lost my job due to excessive absences related to primarily stupid court appearances on wednesday 2)divorce settled on friday 3)listened to Jethro plead against the "no overnight opposite sex visitors/fornication" clause in divorce agreement (very hurtful and my last memory as his wife) and 4)overall feeling that I got screwed in this dealing and 5)the fear of having to be primary breadwinner, mom, and be the best woman I can be...self doubt basically and 6)feeling like I will never love again..like my heart was surgically removed.

But I prayed myself to sleep last night. I did. It was good. My son wandered into the room about two am and was laughing. He said he had a funny dream. He curled up with me and told me he had really misseded me (how a four year old says that).

So... I woke up and somehow felt renewed but I don't know how. God is behind me. I know it. He is with me. He's with us. He knows our burdens right now are horrible and heavy. They sure are.

So I am trying just a little each day to make a few baby steps. Just a few.

Gosh this is hard. I never wanted any of this. But remember, when you free yourself from the sin of adultery their unrepented sin and all the sadness that goes along with it, you are somewhat better. I didn't lose my marriage. It died when my x chose to lie, cheat, and treat me poorly. He broke our vows. I pray he changes but the distance is good for me. I will stay in a plan b of sorts probably forever unless this man exited the fog completely. And will use orchid's famous "reverse babble" when the protective order against him is lifted. It's time to start being good to me now. And to my son. I am praying for a little yard. A little place for my son and I to plant flowers and a few veggies. Little but good stuff. And a happy new little life for us. Where I don't have to worry incessantly and can just work on me. Work on healing my son and me.

I love you guys..

Hey Peach-

Just stay on this positive note - good luck with the townhouse - it sounds just like what you need - and then just look to the future - try to picture how happy you are going to be in a year from now and Jethro is still going to be a [censored]... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Good luck I will keep my fingers crossed for you ...

Yeah, the townhouse sounds great. And its a neighborhood which will help in socializing.
You will get a new/better job soon.
Stay positive.

peachy,

I've been thinking of you thru all of this but really didn't have much to say, so did the bad thing and said nothing at all, I am sorry for that!!!

I was painting mini signboards yesterday and as I painted one, you can to mind. It says "He that angers you, controls you." You are on such a positive note right now, don't let Jethro drag you back down with him. He is angry and is looking to hurt in his anger!!!

You totally amaze me at the strength you have and all that you've been put through. You are one very strong lady!!! And for that you should be very proud and hold your head high!!! Think of the role model that you are setting for your son, he will remember this time and think how awesome "my mom" was.

I pray that things work out for you with the townhouse it sounds great!!! How neat to have a little yard!!! I have an acre of lawn to take care of!!! UGH!!! A little yard sounds wonderful. Can you tell the lawnmower is calling me and I am not looking forward to bouncing around the yard on it!!!

Baby steps, are so important!!! Think of all a baby learns while they are taking those first steps, balance, picking ones self up, trust, reaching goals, I am sure there are other things that you will remember from when your son was taking those first steps, he is so much younger then my kids!!!HA! But they were important steps, just like yours this week are!!!

Keep stepping!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

peachy,

I've been thinking of you thru all of this but really didn't have much to say, so did the bad thing and said nothing at all, I am sorry for that!!!

I was painting mini signboards yesterday and as I painted one, you can to mind. It says "He that angers you, controls you." You are on such a positive note right now, don't let Jethro drag you back down with him. He is angry and is looking to hurt in his anger!!!

You totally amaze me at the strength you have and all that you've been put through. You are one very strong lady!!! And for that you should be very proud and hold your head high!!! Think of the role model that you are setting for your son, he will remember this time and think how awesome "my mom" was.

I pray that things work out for you with the townhouse it sounds great!!! How neat to have a little yard!!! I have an acre of lawn to take care of!!! UGH!!! A little yard sounds wonderful. Can you tell the lawnmower is calling me and I am not looking forward to bouncing around the yard on it!!!

Baby steps, are so important!!! Think of all a baby learns while they are taking those first steps, balance, picking ones self up, trust, reaching goals, I am sure there are other things that you will remember from when your son was taking those first steps, he is so much younger then my kids!!!HA! But they were important steps, just like yours this week are!!!

Keep stepping!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

just peachy - the townshouse sounds really great. A yard, big enough, but small enough to keep up. With the townhouse being a showhouse, it is finished completely, and all you have to do is move in, and everything will be clean and yours. I am looking forward to having a small yard, that I can plant some flowers and vegetables. Nothing more. Cause now with working outside the home in the future. And going to school. There will be no time for anything else. But do laundry, and clean the house and etc.

With being in an area that is prestigous will be good neighbors, hopefully, and yes, you can join the gym. It sounds great. And then you won't have to worry about Jethro doing anything to you. This will be your house, your life, and your son will have a perfect home, with his own room, and a place that he can invite his friends over to play. You could even have a small animal in the house, since you will have a backyard that is fenced in. This will be a home that you and son will enjoy. Beable to come home and relax and have company, and sit and watch TV and be your home.

I will put in a prayer for you tonight, as well as my church. Good luck in your new endeavors.

I will post on my thread what is happening. You are doing so great, keep up the little itty bitty steps. I am rooting for you, Yeah, Yeah, for peachy.

Thanks everybody. I am making the baby steps one a day.

Trying not to tackle everything at once, just do the little things I need to do.

Was asked by a fairly cute doc if I wanted to bring my son to freedom park and play frisbee with son and dog tomorrow and goof off. Very low key. Not a date mind you, just frisbee. I told him that I am not ready for a date. This is second one in two weeks. Did not agree to anything with first guy b/c he got too pushy. Frightened me.

But if I am friends with somebody first, then that is different. And the fact he wanted and thought first about this would be something my son would think is fun was cool. He's 35 and his father was a doc with same specialty as mine (except I am not a doc) so there's alot to talk about.

Should I do the frisbee thing? I dunno.

Not a real biggie for me right now. Am kinda excited as I am going to send/fax the consolidation stuff today! Yippee! And make sure the dental insurance stays in force for son during my hiatus from work.

Good note: job interview #1 is the third at one pm...Prayers pleeeeeeese!

Am gonna concentrate this weekend on just cleaning up, packing up the old clothes in one room for charity (nice tax deduction for this year) and look around for more rentals. But the new one is good.

Went after work yesterday. It's very pretty. The builder and his wife met with me. They were very understanding. The home is lovely! Gorgeous pewter pulls and very pretty fixtures in the home. Lovely hardwoods in the main level with it in dining/kitchen and family room. Mexican tile in the entry and in the master bath plus a nice garden tub. Very pretty. The fences when chosen in the subdivision are all the same..White picket fences with a finial on the end. Very spiffy. So maybe I'll jokingly get the picket fence but it took a divorce to get one for me...lol..

I am detaching ok. Not even thinking about Jethro or anything. Just trying to think my way outta this box I am in. One baby step at a time.

Order:
1)finances
2)job
3)place
4)move

So other than being a mom these are the 4 things I am going to tackle one bit at a time and then cross them off.

The homebuilder is so nice. He says that after I get on my feet, I can buy a very nice townhome...Building some very luxurious ones even closer to town square next year w/swim and tennis and that he would give me one of the models should I choose to buy. So the option is there. They are foreign but extremely kind. Sometimes it is so nice to see how others who are just really happy to be here in this country are all about embracing things and see past something like a bad credit report all due to a sad circumstance.

It is so nice. In their office, they had a large cross in the back office with their Christmas decorations stored away. I told them they had alot of decorations and they smiled. He said that faith is more important. I was so happy. They would be willing to give me a chance and I am so happy. Met a few of the neighbors. They are really nice people.

But am going to still look. There are a few other properties to consider.

I need ideas...Buying vs. leasing. Which is better? I seem to think leasing is.

And faith, yep, we have a pet. A big very loveable dog.

Re: Frisbee
Sometimes we read too much into things.
Maybe the Doc wants a playdate for his son. If a woman asked you to the park, you'd think nothing of it. Go for a play date.

Through my divorce support group, I have male friends around. No dates, just friends. And having their perspective on things is very helpful when dealing iwth the STBX.

Can I vote?

Go to the park with the doc and your kiddo. Bring a sheet, a small cooler with drinks, and enjoy being outdoors. This sounds perfectly innocent, inexpensive and healthy.

If you do go, enjoy a much deserved break!

peachy, Sounds like things are moving forward pretty fast. No wonder you're a bit spun. You're doing great, so relax a little. Everything is going to work out for you, home, job, social life. It has to. You've got so much going for you. You're smart, attractive, resilient, caring, responsible, eloquent, and more. All this comes through in your postings. You'll know what to do when the time is right.