This will soon be my first real independence day. And I am glad for it.

The last 3 years have been a living hell. And I am taking my life back now!

Since coming onto MB about 2 years ago, I've learned alot. And I am still learning. Sure, there will probably be more tears to come and more pains but I am surviving somehow, mostly due to faith and love and support and prayers of my friends and family.

In the last two weeks, I've lost my job (b/c of numerous court appearances ordered at last minute by either judge or Jethro's legal babboon [censored])and finalized my divorce settlement. Realized that I will have to move within two and a half months and am dealing with it.

But then sometimes I look back and see just where I was 2 years ago...

Independence day is also kinda bittersweet as it is when I asked Jethro to leave home...Found out after his return from Miami and a trip to a $500 a nite suite with Monkeyho that I was lied to horribly. I was designing a flowerbed in front of my new dream home and then got the call from the airlines about the laptop. Seems a laptop was found and it was belonging to Monkeyho. That's when I found out they believed this woman to be an employee (airline thought) and her laptop was left so they called the numbers where the ticket originated. I remember the spade falling out of my hand...My life changed that day for good. Then more hell. He kept controlling and cheating and I believed if I could only change myself, then everything would be fine.

That when I did plan A I believed I had to become the best me ever. I believed everything hinged on me changing because he had brainwashed me into believing it was "me" who "forced" him to go and cheat, lie and be abusive to me. I know now that battered women think this way.

So I went to change everything that he ever complained about me...And I almost lost myself and my sanity in the progress. It took me to my knees. So many of us here think that so much shoulders on what "we" do. On how "we" change. Unless we have serious issues regarding maybe alcohol, drugs, or cheating or abuse ourselves, maybe we need to rethink this whole concept.

What maybe has happened, and was the case in my situation, was the WS is such a narcissist that they cannot do anything but blame others for their own negative choices and actions. Now I am aware that no bad habit or five pound weight gain, or stain on a carpet, or a pot roast not tender enough will make a man who's worth anything want to lie, hit, or cheat on his wife and abandon his children.

No pot roast in the world is good enough to do that.

So when the fourth rolls around I will be very happy and independent this year.

I didn't go to the park with cute doc guy as he got called in on a case (stroke). But that's ok. I need some space right now. Next week my son will go to visit Jethro for visitation and I will be alone for the first time on the fourth. But I am going to visit some friends who rented a great condo in fL. So that's a blessing. Will go buy a good book and head off to beach..

Sure I wish my family was in tact. But not intact the way it was before. I realize now that I am not perfect but I am pretty ok. That I am attractive and a good mom and a good person and nobody completes me. But the love of my son comes pretty close. And that you don't "make" anybody do anything.

The law has made my life a bit easier since Jethro was convicted and made accountable for his stupid stunt in May. The no contact is best for me. I don't have to deal with his overbearing behavior, his lies, his fake smiles, or his fog anymore. But he still tries a bit even via email forwarded to my attorneys to me. I realize now that I am out of his control once and for all. It's good and scary. For so long I was somebody's wife and a mom. I didn't worry about bills. They got paid. I did't worry about a roof over my head. That was his job. I did my 50% and that was that. Now the whole 100% falls on me and that does make me antsy and scared sometimes.

It's sometimes really overwhelming to me. But I am adjusting and learning.

And probably the most ironic part of the whole MB thing is this...The woman who referred me to MB in the first place is a chick who used to live in my old neighborhood. Her husband left too and she had 2 very small babies. I approached her for christian advice and to see how she was "making it through" and then shortly after found out that at the neighborhood pool she and Jethro had become really friendly and now she's a person Jethro emails frequently.

After our divorce filings and my moving out, she stopped contacting me...Hmmmm.

Oh well, I've also learned who real friends are too. And learned that one doesn't covet somebody else's partner or anybody that isn't theirs for that matter. So it was accident that I found you guys but really great and despite the circumstances, I am proud and so blessed to count many of your as friends here. Bet you guys didn't know about the neighborhood friend and MB thing huh? Kinda wild especially since MB promotes marriage and reconcialiation and healing huh?

I miss staying at home with my son. I miss having a maid twice a month. But nothing is worse than living with constant abuse and lies and adultery. I mean that.

So this year I am all about starting over. When I think about our country's beginnings I understand. They went on a long journey to a place they never laid eyes on before. Some of the people were considered "castaways" of society. They were ridiculed for their religions, their backgrounds, their ways of life. Mny got sick and many didn't make it here even. When they did get here, they had to make do with what they had. Had to pull together a new life. And they struggled.

When they got strong enough, they decided that their way of life was going to be good. So they put down on paper their thoughts. And after having their own way of life, they decided that they didn't want to be a part of England anymore so they basically filed for a divorce of sorts like we did. They decided they didn't want to be a colony and wanted to be their own country with their own laws and freedoms. No more restrictions on how they could worship. And that was our humble beginniings as a nation. And it sure brought other arguements...Seems that England did want the colony to be ruled by England. So a battle was fought. Kinda like a divorce legal battle. It was tough and sometimes the colonists had to give up some of their prized possessions...Just like my former lifestyle and many possessions (rolex included), they dumped their precious tea into the harbor saying "we can live without your tea and your stuff England". We want to be free. No more control. No more rules. We want to live free.

So I keep this in mind. My country was founded by alot of people who didn't want to be controlled anymore. They believed in faith and freedom. And just like I had to do, they had to declare their independence and take back their lives.

We had to do this here. And some of us who live through this will allow these experiences here to make us stronger and more loving. Make us want to reach out and help the newcomers here to MB. I hope I will remaine one to do so.

And now in the end, I am the one who is free. My XH jumped from our Marriage and then into one affair which melted into another affair. That is sad and sorry. But I am not. I am free. If i want two dates in one weekend (when son is visiting Jethro of course) I can have that. IF I want to wear a striped shirt and checked shorts I can. Nobody can tell me that pizza for breakfast is wrong anymore.

I am learning to embrace this freedom pretty well. But if I am to do this the best I can, I have to do so with as much faith and love as I can.

This may not be the best way to make friends and sure it's not fun going through what we are enduring. Worse than a root canal for sure. But we try to laugh and cry together.

And when it's time to celebrate, then let's celebrate.

I wish you and your family a good week and holiday. I hope that you find the hope that exists in the spirit of independence day. I am trying.

Try to think of your life and family this holiday as just this: the home of the free and the brave. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Dear Peach,

We haven't talked in a while but I can see that you are doing good. Wow, you were sure hit beyond what is humane or what we 'think' one can't bear but you sure proved otherwise.

You still have your diginity and respect. Far more valuable than $$$ even in this day and age.

I am proud of you Peach. Though I have never had the benefit of a maid 2 days a week (LOL!!) I know we have individually lost what we thought was important and found the most important things in our lives are still with us.

This weekend we are helping another SIL move....been doing this for 3 weeks. All the while have to deal with a company in an acquisition process. Hm..... but it is not that stressful. It can be but I choose for it not to be. Even if it means finding the turnip and squeezing the blood out of it just to get by, well I am ready.

In other words, we will be ok too.

Hugz to you and your little one. Support and thoughts reach out to you from CA.

Aloha,
L.

I loooove ya Orchid! Please find STBXW. She needs ninja-stealth Orchid advice...

Am doing better. Still have my moments. It's rough and I know it. Roughest part is probably coming in next 3 mos. Gotta move and get new job and put son through this crap of upheaval again.

Give me a call later tonight. Hope your week is going well and that the job thing is still cool. I am praying ok?

Hugz to you, H and son <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

And inhumane is probably the only word to describe what my son and I had to go through. While I am not looking back whatsoever, I am still praying for Jethro. He can't keep living like this.

And I am praying for the demise of the A with Family Values. She's toxic as far as I am concerned. Toxic lingerie model. Man I saw a Maxxim at the store the other day. Even if my body were like that again, I would not wanna pose for something like that. I think it's in a way almost worse than Playboy. Soft pornish to me. Oh well, you can always hold your head up high when you admit that your woman's a sleazy magazine model...And then they ask about your xW and you reply, oh, she's a former Miss America beauty queen who's prez of her state med society. Let's weigh this one together. Miss PornQueen vs. Miss Medical America. Who's worthy of honor I ask you? I am going to let sleeping dogs lie for a bit...But that doesn't mean I am forgetting or not taking action. Just regrouping and refocusing in case further legalities in future are needed. But guess Jethro is going to have to find out the hard way he goofed up more than royally.

She'll never be the mom of his child. She will not be much unless, ooops, she forgets her pill and procreates out of wedlock like she did before.

Or she traps him into marriage. What a winner. But I am just going to enjoy being single right now.

I am praying about the finances big time and the job. I want to not uproot our son for some time.

What I am scared of is that Jethro does all the "fun disneyland dad" stuff. He can take off work whenever he wants to. He can take son on trips and I am the one working day in and out and scrimping to save and guess I am worried that son will want the stuff and fluff over me. I hope my love and caring will be more than enough. That's the scary part for the displaced homemaker moms.

I read this news story and thought of Jethro - stupid men just can't be stopped from doing stupid things.

http://tv.ksl.com/index.php?nid=5&sid=35930

Anyway - I encourage you to be looking beyond the borders of GA for employment. Creeps desperate for attention do really dumb things, and Jethro's had a captive audience for too long to just let go of that little addiction, just because the law says he can't have it on his terms anymore.

Edit - forgot to include the link - oops!

<small>[ June 30, 2003, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: KaylaAndy ]</small>

Ok, no drastic stories needed.
Peachy, you just think of the wonderful time you will have relaxing at the beach this weekend.
And if it rains - who cares.
You need time to rest and recuperate, and just enjoy yourself.
Forget about MB and all the J stuff. Only keep positive thoughts inyour head.
Maybe you could spend some time making a list on this minivacation.

I hope you really enjoy it.
I'm getting away this weekend too with my two angels. 20 hours in a car, but we'll have fun.
God bless.

Peachy - yes independence day was for freedom and justice for all. That is what we, the divorced moms are trying to get back in our life. Freedom to be who we were in the first place, and justice for us who worked our butts off, being 3 or more people at one time.

I like orchid, never had a housekeeper. And still don't have a housekeeper. SNL wouldn't let me get one, cause we couldn't afford one. And then I did hire someone I know that is on SSI and there were times he said, not today. She can't come over, cause he was too tired, or too whatever.

Good for you and the beach. Even if there is no sun, just relaxing and enjoying a good book is needed to rejuvenate the mind.

We are still trying to get SNLs mother out of the house she is being evicted from. Of course the house she is to move into, which SNL has been living in since April 2002 is not done. I am sick of this situation, and letting her handle her son. Social services has been notified.

Found out today, more lies that SNL has done. Checked into bank accounts, and got copies. Ohhh.... the lies, the lies. When does one feel they have lied enough. I had them make copies, and tomorrow am calling the secretary of the judge. There was a court order to not change anything, and found he changed more than I knew. Even lied to me and his lawyer, and my lawyer and the judge. So we will see what happens if anything.

Hows the house hunting going? To be settled, and have a place that is yours and no one elses, is independence. Especially form a liar and theif.

F4M, I'd suggest editing your post until you've had a chance to take action. Just a thought since SNL reads here rabidly.

I second Kayla...HE reads here too much. Don't post about life that in detail b/c we all know he lies. A given. We all know he's a creep. A given.

If Jethro is reading and I find out, I will go fairly stealth and only ask generalized questions somewhat related to personal issues. This is important as your healing is first. And while it's loving to show kindness and do so much for your MIL, practice healthy boundaries with her and unfortunately, stay outta her place. She's gotta learn to stand for herself one day. That's the problem with many IL's. They enable the WS and the ones with serious issues. B/c it's a reflection of either their parenting or lack thereof or they blame themselves apparently for their children's idiocacy....

Ok. Last night I had a horrible allergic rx. Son had buddy from next door over and then my eyes swelled shut almost and I couldn't breathe barely. Not sure but did eat a few fresh strawberries I got from grocery. Didn't think they could cause allergies. But do know many are allergic to them. Took my serious allergy med and had to take some benadryl too.

Then came the night. Had absolutely horrible dream. Very vivid and horrible. Like wizard of oz technicolor. There was this horrible short haired blonde woman with oversized lips (monkeyho but older maybe) and she was at this dinner and had a bible in her hand. She was going on and on about "how can't she just get on wtih her life. I mean we pray for her, and she just can't do the christian thing and forgive. I mean if her faith were so strong she'd forgive and just want to get along. They were never meant to be together and sometimes this is ok." It was like I was a fly on the wall at this dinner party. Had the distinct impression it was Jethro's family and this new woman, whom I believed to be his new wife and was basically using the "good divorce" talks and rationalizing and justifying everything.

I woke up feeling out of breath. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible. Almost like a premonition. However, this woman was in her mid forties and Jethro likes em'younger than that. I guess it is my fear. That my son will get some awful, horrible step monster who will wield a bible and use the words against me. Anybody follow world religion knows this. Look how some people use their religious beliefs to justify blowing up buildings or committing acts of horror and violence. Others can even justify adultery and abandonment and divorce through religion too.

Went to high school and elementary school at a very strict religious school and was slapped in the face with that every day. Think that is why I am farily plain of faith.

But it was the wierdest dream ever. Think it was even worse because they were all seated in my old dining room at my old house back home sitting in my chairs at my table. Probably something to do with what's my fear...What I perceive happened (like the family taking my home and moving Jethrene and her husband into my old house without m y permission or knowledge. but basically about family betrayal).

Guess this is the poop of my subconscious. I don't cry too much anymore because what's done and happened has happened. Will take time. Sometimes I wish I hadn't minored in psyche.

I must admit that having NC is good. It's really helping. Rough part, is like last night. When you are sneezing and coughing and can't stop and you've got two little ones playing. It's those times when someone else is needed to give relief. A relief pitcher basically. But I'm it. I don't have enabling relatives to fall back on and say "there there, it's ok. so what if you goof up and rip apart a family...it's ok. need anything? we'll give you money/support/etc." Geez. That would be nice. But then again I know I am stronger than that. One day when my son is grown he will know that his mom did it on her own.

I just want to feel something again. Like something was ripped out of me. Something is missing. That will take time. I wonder how WS' can just jump from a marriage to an affair and on again with no seeming grief or anything. Oh well. Guess they're wired all wrong, as my dad used to say about people who just were not the right types. Dad was an electrician and a wonderful person.

Have 12 patients today and am already worn out. IT's raining cats and dogs here and a yucky day. The practice didn't give me my bonus. I need lotsa prayers as the interview is in 2 days. Need lotsa prayers shot my way. I know I am good and maybe quite possibly even great at what I do. Just need to convey confidence at interview.

Gearing up for the fourth and hoping some sun will peek out..I need some fla sun. Jimmy Buffet style. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />