I havent been here in a really long time. I check in every couple of days but havent had time to really post anything.

After 5 months I had to change lawyers!!! STBX was in hurry for papers so he invented lies and sued me for extreme cruelty. All total lies. It was so hurtful, because he is actually the one who was cruel. Drugs, alcohol, VD, DUI's, rape, physical and emotional abuse. He used to go around whistling.."my wild irish rose" OTHER WOMAN is Irish!!!!!!

So, I pay retainer in Nov. Start process..fill out CIS..but lawyer files nothing. H gets antsy..makes up lies, and tells me he knows they are lies..but the court doesnt care..they dont care about who did what..they are just concerned with who gets what...

I told him that may be true, but he didnt have to lie..couldnt just wait..H just wanted to twist the knife a little deeper.

So...my response is due in 30 days, i prepared all the info for lawyer, but he sits on it..still doesnt file anything. Instead at day 28 I get letter in mail with bill for another 2500$$. He didnt do anything for the 1st $500.

He knew I had no money, and said just give him the 500 for now and he would work something out with me...well I dont call this working anything out. Response is now due...I had 1500$$ that I could give him and asked if I could pay rest later..He said 'No, ill have to go to legal aide"

I was floored..need paper submitted to court and he is screwing around with me...Legal aide said they werent taking new cases..and wouldnt take one that was already started...so I like had to find a lawyer THAT DAY!!!!!!!

Left work again..extremely upset...I am missing alot of time from work due to this jerk..between the overdose he had couple of years ago..affair..drug detox...continued affair..minister appointments as well as psychologist and psychiatrist...they are getting fed up with it all.

So I found new lawyer..remembered a nice customer who works for a lawyer that my mother used and he is working out well. He prepared my response and counterclaim and H should have gotten paperwork this week..although i saw him this afternoon and he didnt mention it..I would think that when he saw it in black and white..he would have flipped. Lawyers secretary told me she cried when she transposed what lawyer had written for counter claim.

So, that taken care of..I go to GYN for checkup..I have been bleeding extremely heavy every 2-3 weeks due to perimenopause. I have been extremely anemic for about a year now. progesterone didnt work and gave me an ulcer..so he took me off of that. Now it is critical to address anemia...

so he recommended hysterectomy. Great..one more stress in my life!!!! I am pretty easy going and can really handle surgery if I need it..that wouldnt be a problem But I WAS FURIOUS when I left office and the reality of it hit me. For 26 years I stood by my husband thru every crisis he deliberately created, and now there is No one to support me through this. Everyone in his family thought his B-I-L was a total jerk when H's sister went through similar problem. My daughter is a rock for me..and I hate putting more pressure on her to be my sole supporter.

Anyway, I opted for less invasive treatment..will have endometrial ablation after 4 months of artificially created menopause..GREAT!!!!!!!!! now I can suddenly go thru menopause in the middle of this divorce as well..and because of the anemia Im sleeping all the time..and because of bleeding..i have missed more work

My daughter graduated HS on the 24th. My brother and neice came from Denver to attend and spend the week. That was great. H came to pick youngest up wearing shorts! They have strict dress code at our graduation and they dont let anyone in in shorts or tank tops. He was really pissed..I reminded him that this was the 3rd graduation from there and he knew that was an issue every year..2 years ago we sat there and watched them turn many people away. he had to run to store and buy long pants..was late and had to sit on back side

We are having graduation party for daughter on the 6th...We are having really hard time with it. First she wamted one..then she didnt..for 2 months its been back and forth..and who do we invite???

This is not a friendly divorce...he raped me...he has done many things that he literally belongs in jail for.

So, him being chef..is telling me he wants to help..i dont want his help..i dont even want him there..but he is her dad..but..she doesnt want him there either. So best way I can handle it is to just go about it as if he doesnt exist..I dont have to talk to him at party..but then he is not going to be comfortable here either..daughter made the guest list by herself..she invited many people from our church, and close family friends..only a few from his side of the family said they would come

I dont know any other way I can handle it and keep my sanity. He has not been here for any of the day to day parent stuff.any of the extra last minute errands..doctor visits, decisions, why does he think Ill just let him in here to be the white knight for her grad party..so he can abuse and insult me again?

And then there is the issue of OW..he is living with her now...right around corner..and going to large "church" He made a point on fathers day of taking a bookmark out of his pocket that he got from church and laid it on table so my daughter could see it..it said "men of God" on it she thought it was a joke, and was not impressed. she came home from that dinner practicaly in tears

he wants more of the rental money from our second house this month...originally he told me that he would take 400 and i could keep 800 for the month..now he wants 700 and i can keep 500. My D said he told her he was going to be away for this week..so what..he needs more money to go on vacation with the OW??? going to take it from money I set aside for grad party and half payment so D and S can go to Bible camp??

I could go on and on!!!!!! I know Im venting..and i havent done that in awhile!!!

I really am in good shape..the worst is over..and in the past...what could be worse than being raped and attempted strangled by own husband whom you loved unconditionally??? The doctor has a handle on the anemia, my count has come up alot in the last 3 weeks...I havent gone crazy from the hormone shots ( I call them my rabies shots!!!)actually,no sweats, hot flashes either! Im getting energy back..work is getting done in my house MY HOUSE!!! making it they way I want it.

I have a new man in my bed LOL....the Easter bunny brought me a stray kitten..actually his mom left him with me and ran away..his eyes were totally sealed shut from infection..so I treated him and he is so perfect..and he loves me like i am his mom..he is going to vet to get fixed tomorrow nite.

I do have a couple of men in my head!!!I have several...yes I said several who I am dating. Nothing serious yet..but who knows..right now they are friends...good friends...and I know that all men are not like my husband..in spite of what my H said to me all those years

I didnt get into ultrasound program this year..but there is next year..and I applied for college money and received more than enough for me to go part time to increase my chances of getting in next year.

My kids are all doing great...they are confused as to how to live/feel/act towards husband..but they are making their own decisions and they are dealing with everything pretty well.

My oldest was given a college track asst coach position, and grad tuition will be free!!! He wants to go into coaching so this is a dream come true for him. He just rented his first house (with others) till he's done grad school..and he also has a kitten..You know they are grown up when the get their own pet and pay to take it to the vet!!

I received a letter from his college last week..he was invited to present a research paper to a symposium of college professors. Letter was from PR office with copy of press release they sent to our local papers. They mention that he is my son..but my son left his father out of the information. I felt bad for my H, so I didnt tell him about recognition..H doesnt usually read newspaper so he may not see it. I asked my son about it, and he said "Dad didnt do anything to help me get this far,,its been all you"

So, for any of you who are still awake. Thank you for being here for me. And even if you signed out halfway through..I have thanked God for everone here, and even though I havent posted much lately I still continue to pray for all here.

Smiles,
Dawn